Growing up as a Methodist Pastor's daughter, Sarah Gerde elaborates on what life is like under the eye of a parish, as well as what perks and throwbacks come with your dad being the man behind the pulpit.
They say a pastor’s daughter will either turn out to be a quirky goody-two shoes or a rebellious punk. Oh the horror! Sarah Gerde doesn’t think she’s either, but she has often felt like she’s living under a microscope.
When she visits her dad’s church, she’s greeted with a flood of old women coming up to her excitedly saying hello. They ask how she’s doing, and want to know about that boy she was talking to last week was. People she barely knows strike up conversation with her left and right.
Being a Pastor’s daughter is both a blessing and a curse. People look up to her and her family, and depending on the college she can receive reduced college tuition at varying Methodist affiliated schools as long as her father is still actively serving as a pastor.
However for many people raised as the children of pastors, it’s tough being in the spotlight of their parishes. The expectations are often high and can cause many of them to stress, and question their faith. It’s no different for Gerde.
With a thinking expression on her face, she recalled some of the other benefits of being the daughter of a pastor. “My dad was able to get my sister’s computer for college and I think mine at like a discounted rate,” Gerde said. “He would get discounts on stuff. Not to mention I got to go to a lot of weddings with free food.”
But of course, there are also disadvantages to being a pastor’s daughter. Gerde said, “Everyone is always looking at you and watching you. It is hard to have any privacy, and you feel this pressure to be a role model for everyone at the church."
Sarah added, "Also, people have stereotyped me and some people made fun of me for being a pastor’s daughterHaving to endure stereotypes and people constantly judging her was always a challenge that Sarah had to face, however she was lucky that her family was so understanding and let her make her own choices.
While her father, Tim Gerde, was raised Methodist, her mother was brought up in what is known as the United Church of Christ, or UCC for short.
Sarah’s dad began working towards his position in the 1970s. After graduating from the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee with a B.A. degree in psychology he headed off to Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, D.C. and received his master’s degree in divinity in the 1980s. He followed that with his doctorate in Ministry in 1996, right before Sarah was born.
Gerde was baptized in the church her parents got married (a United Church of Christ parish), and eventually she and her older sister Elizabeth were raised in Peakland United Methodist Church in Lynchburg, VA. Her parents are still active members there today even though Mr. Gerde is no longer the one giving sermons. He recently retired in 2017, in part due to health issues as well as a desire to move on after 30 years of ministry.
According to an article written by Carole Brousson Anderson many preacher’s kids, also known as PKs, can experience a sense of resentment towards the faith in a religious context where the pastor is seen as a representative of God. “For the PK, who becomes frustrated with his parents, their profession, and his experiences with church, family, and school, this dissatisfaction may be transferred easily from an earthly father to a Heavenly Father. It may be more difficult for the child of a minister to work through resentment towards their father’s profession than for children of other professions,” states Anderson.
Growing up as her father’s daughter Sarah was always proud of what he did. One example she recalled was how, due to the large number of doctors in the Lynchburg parish community, her father led a medical mission trip to Jamaica and Guatemala, helping people get glasses. She was also appreciative of the interfaith work he did with other religious communities, including when he went to Israel and Turkey, interacting with Jewish and Muslim communities.
People often jump to conclusions and think that a Pastor’s daughter is going to be discriminatory against certain social groups. Gerde said, “People would assume that I’m super judgmental and hate gay people. People expect that I know everything about the Bible. I do not. My dad said you don’t need to run around showing scripture, showing your friends love and forgiveness should speak for itself.”
On top of the stereotypes she has had to face growing up, she also had to deal with her fair share of rude middle school boys that would make fun of her. Gerde said, “This guy in middle school made fun of me when he found out I was a pastor’s daughter, I can’t remember exactly what he said because I blocked it out of my head.”
While Sarah’s sister Elizabeth still believes in God she has become more detached from the Methodist church and Christian faith as a whole, Sarah still attends church with her family when she’s home out of respect to her parents.
Unlike some pastors’ kids, Gerde has maintained a strong relationship with her dad throughout the years, even when that might mean taking a path away from the Methodist faith. For example, Gerde mentioned how she wanted to become a Catholic last year due to the overwhelming experience she had during her visit to the Vatican in July, 2014, saying she was particularly drawn to the beauty of the liturgy. Her father did not mind that Gerde wanted to convert, even though he disagreed with the social teachings of the Catholic Church.
Though she did not end up converting, she still considers herself a Methodist out of support for her father, as she continues the hunt for a faith. While staying open to the idea of remaining in à Christian faith such as the Episcopal Church, Maronite Catholic Church, or à non-denominational church, Gerde is also interested in Eastern religions. Among Buddhism, and Islam, she also expressed how she appreciates Judaism’s lack of stress on the notion of needing to be perfect. While Gerde is keeping her options wide open, her top priority right now is focusing on her GPA and academics, putting her faith on hold.
Works Cited:
Anderson, C.B. Pastoral Psychology (1998) 46: 393. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1023076019527