How Olivia Rodrigo has kept me in my teenage angst
By Jai-leah Garcia
I remember listening to her as if it was yesterday. I remember the feeling that I had when I first heard the chords of the piano play in the background. January 8, 2021; that was the day that Olivia Rodrigo first released her song “Driver’s License.” At that time, it had only been a month since I had broken up with my long-term partner. I was back to living with my parents, and every day was the same: crying, eating ice cream in bed, wearing dark clothes, erasing all the photos of us together. It wasn’t until I heard “Driver’s License” that I felt like someone understood. And I got even sadder.
After listening to more of her songs once the full album was released, specifically, her song “traitor” was one that hit me too close to home. The song discussed how her ex-partner moved on from her faster than she had, and I could relate back to that. In a state of feeling like I’d been dumped for someone better, it stung. All the feelings that I thought I previously moved on from came running back. The crying became more frequent, the clothes became darker, even the ice cream eating became more frequent. After a couple of weeks listening to the album, I thought to myself: why was I enjoying making myself so sad?
My current partner knows that I am a big fan of Olivia Rodrigo and her music and wonders why I enjoy the way it makes me feel sad. One day I was just listening to her song “brutal”, and my girlfriend asked me why I liked her so much. She knew that I listened to Olivia a lot when I was going through my breakup and every time I listened to the Sour album, I got extremely emotional, which she did not like or enjoy seeing. She didn’t really understand the hype on Olivia Rodrigo and was very concerned as to why I enjoyed listening to her music despite the repercussions. All I could say was that her music just spoke to me.
But only afterward did I figure it out. Her music lets me feel my emotions like a teenager again.
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In many scenarios, we as listeners tend to listen to what best expresses our emotions. We’ve all heard the stereotype of angsty teenagers and when we think of angsty teenagers, we think back to bands such as My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park or Sleeping with Sirens. The music may sound like useless noise to the rest of the world, but when the lyrics are broken apart and examined, it brings a different meaning than the useless noise that we tend to listen to whenever we first hear this type of music.
Olivia speaks to those of us who grew up in that period because it sounds like the music of our most angsty years, even though it’s new. As she mentions in countless interviews, her music stems from her parents’ music taste which is primarily rock and grunge from the 90s. It gave her the inspiration to write hits such as “brutal,” and “good 4 u” which gives that angsty feeling. Once you listen to those songs, it’s as if you get a blast from the past and fall back into being a teenager. We've all had those emotions that cannot truly be controlled, and even though we do mature and grow up, a lot of the feelings don’t go away. We just hide them better, even though we put away our dark clothing, dark eyeliner, and countless hits that got us through the hardest of times.
Since listening to her music, I have fallen into a regression. I enjoy being mad at my actual ex because there is a lot of anger that I still have left. Even now that I’m in the most stable relationship I’ve been in, I still listen to Olivia Rodrigo. I think that the reason I regress back into this state of mind is because I grew out of it too quickly. Our society loves to place in time markers for when things should end, but why should we stop being our angsty selves? Why should we put it away if it harms anyone? I feel like the music lets me explore a part of myself that I hid for too long because it was unacceptable. It makes me happy and free to express emotions that way, even though breaking down in front of others can be embarrassing.
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Olivia has had her fair share of controversy as of late 2021. The biggest controversy is her merch shop. While I personally haven’t had any issues with her merch, fans all around have spoken out about how her merch is not up to the quality as it was promised. Using social media platforms like TikTok, fans all over the world have spoken out to a specific shirt not being the right quality, bucket hats fitting more for toddlers, and long sleeves not being up to quality as promised on the website.
Her second most recent controversy has been about racial injustices, specifically her statement that “she only thought white girls could be pop stars” even though there have been black pop stars such as Beyonce, Janet Jackson, Doja Cat, etc. This controversy is a most recent one and is still ongoing. This also ties in with another racial issue that she was under fire for. As of late July, Olivia was called out by fans towards the use of “blaccent,” a term used when the dialect reflects to those who live in urban areas. Currently, there are mixed views as to whether she should be held accountable for her actions. While I don’t necessarily agree with the way she’s handling these issues, I feel like I hold her to a separate standard from other celebrities I like. Olivia belongs to my teen years when things like that didn’t matter as much.
There really is no point in making myself sad because I am in a stable relationship. I’m happy with where I am now, and I don’t want to be in that sad state of mind. While I hate being sad, I love the feeling of angst again. It brings me back to a time where I was able to express my emotions in a way that is better than how I handle my emotions now. Is regressing to a younger version of myself a good reason to like an artist? I think that answer differs from person to person. For me, I wonder how long this high will last and if I will ever grow out of this phase in my life like I once did. Maybe this time it will be permanent.