Why Does Everyone Defend Charli D'amelio?

Does Charli Damelio play victim to hate speech?

In the first episode of Charli Damelio’s Hulu show, Charli is shown getting ready while reading hate comments. She gets overfilled with negative words and even to the extent of death threats.

Some people said she was being disingenuous and overly focused on the negative, even though she’s famous. Having fame doesn’t always mean hate won’t get to you. 

Others believe she’s truly a victim to hate speech. Honestly, I and many others do believe she is a victim of hate speech. As someone who gets death threats and have people stalk her, I mean, it is evident that she is. 

My friends and I have been talking about this, and I interviewed them a few questions 

The first question I asked

“Do you think Charli Damelio deserves the hate she gets?”

“no I do not believe Charli Damelio deserves the hate she receives. She hasn’t done anything that has outright offended someone. Charli should be treated with respect rather than trash. ”

“ I don’t think Charli deserves the hate she gets, she is just doing what she loves, and posting like every other teenager does. ”

“I don’t believe anyone deserves hate. And Charlie is no exception to this, Charlie is just living her life, and people should be mad at her about it. ”

“She gets hated on because she’s young and makes money via social media.”

Another question is “Do you think she gets hate? And do you think it affects her?”

“I feel like at the beginning, she didn’t get that much hate, but now that she is taking other opportunities, people are mad and jealous of her.”

“ yes, I believe she gets hate, as any other influencer. It, unfortunately, comes with the job. I do think the hate affects her; constantly seeing and hearing negative comments about yourself isn’t fun and can really put a downer on your mental health ”

“I do think she gets hate, and I think that hate stems from jealousy. I do think affects her.”

Another great quote from a survey is

““I do not think Charli deserves the hate she gets. Like many other teenagers during Covid, she used Tik Tok to help them through quarantine by making fun dance videos. She became so famous so quickly that it brought out the haters. It definitely affected her self-esteem and caused anxiety due to the hate. She has said in interviews how social media played a role in her anxiety due to the haters.” ”

Before beginning her social media career in 2019, when she began posting dance videos on the video-sharing site TikTok, she had competed in dance competitions for more than ten years. Since she was a dancer, she dealt with criticism. However, it is not as bad as what the internet says.

She continues, "It's crucial to understand that your comments can damage people. We need to be kind, whether it's online or in person." she grew to be grateful for what she has and always thought positively. So why are these negative comments getting to her?

Children are constantly on the internet now, and even I grew up on the internet. I loved watching youtube. I became so in love with the idea that I even wanted to be a YouTuber. I understood what comments could do to someone over the screen. I felt like I grew up understanding the “cancel culture” way sooner than any child. Thats why when I see Charli getting hated, I am confused about how someone can say these things over the internet. Seeing such a young girl getting these types of comments hurt me. 

Charli Damelio is someone I always felt that I wanted to defend. You never know what is happening behind closed doors. It should be like that for anyone you see. She is incredibly successful, and I am proud to see her grow and learn just to be herself. Charli always says, "You have to be authentic. You can't fake a smile. You have to do what you actually enjoy." It is heartwarming to see such a young person battle all the hate and still try to be authentic. She is truly a role model for me and many others and thats why I need to defend her.

“ You have to be authentic. You can’t fake a smile. You have to do what you actually enjoy.”

— Charli

I do understand she has to know that she is very lucky; people would be dying to be in her position. But often you think that sometimes people can drown that out. 

I do think her showing that negative comments are hurtful and showing the impact of what they can do to people is essential. 

Having a Step-parent Isn't as Bad as it Seems

Growing up, having a step-parent might seem scary. I promise it isn’t as scary as it comes to be.

I had to grow up with the idea of having more than two parents.

Honesty means that I can't say I enjoyed it. I felt a lot of pressure from the thought of having to live almost these two lives. I've never experienced what it's like to have only two parents; you can see it in movies and observe all your friends who are only raised by their parents. It was challenging for me to accept the concept of my mother being with someone. What if he were cruel? What if I didn't like him? This prospect of my mum finding love again was permanently blocked in my mind by all these ideas and emotions. All I wanted was for her to adore me.

When she told me she was introducing me to my stepdad, my mom said I was nervous but going with the flow. I mean, when you are so young, you do what your mom says. My stepdad also has two other kids, and they made this transition much more manageable. My parents say I took in my stepdad well because I got siblings to play with. My mom and him made sure we would be a well-blended family, which we are. I remember when we would all be together on the weekends they visited. Going to zoos and being chased by an ostrich, getting all cozy up around the bonfire, even the day we got a four-wheeler, and not even 30 minutes of having it, we kids crashed it. It's crazy how your life can change so much in such a time. 

Having a stepfamily offers extra stability and nurturing, among other benefits. There are issues as well, but they can be resolved with time and lots of communication. Most kids and teens who join a stepfamily grow to love it.

What I appreciated about my stepfather was that he could see my struggles going between two homes. My parents’ guilt somehow prevented them from seeing how hard it was for me. But because of his unique viewpoint, I could talk to him about it more openly. He made sure to be there for me when I would cry about how miserable I was to leave. 

I feel as if many kids don’t know how to accept their love for a step-parent. They always feel as if they are a placeholder. However, I felt like my stepdad was more than just a “step-parent”; he did more than any father would do for a child. That's what makes my love for him even more impactful. He is often the one I go to for difficult times.

The Hammer Family, Forgotten in the Serial Crime Fantasy

Does the power and money of the Hammer family overrule the acts of the men in the family? What about the “cancelling” trend within exposed celebrities? A dive into the exposé of Armie Hammer, and why his accusations were swept under the rug and why he gets to hideaway in the Cayman Islands.

By: Sabrina Pardo

You’ve seen the new Dahmer series or heard about them at least. And all the serial killer or cannibal stories that everyone seems to be so fascinated by. My questions is: Are we doing the same when we’re talking about Armie Hammer? We almost shrug off his crimes. Only for a while, did we talk about Armie Hammer and his cannibalism habits and possible other crimes. Why is that? Was this a luxury from the Hammer family? Our world is obsessed with stories of psychopaths, so why aren’t we following him?

            We missed all the signs. From being seen in interviews talking about his rope tying skills, to posting pictures of his son sucking on his toes along with the hashtag “#footfetishonfleek”. But it was all okay because he was a beautiful, tall, and rich white man with a beautiful family - a high school sweetheart story, a decade long marriage.

Emily Chambers (ex-wife) responds to the backlash over Armie Hammer’s questionable post of his son.

            Hammer was born into one of the richest families in the United States. His family empire, created by his grandfather, Armand Hammer came from oil. Armand’s company, Occidental Petroleum, made him one of the world’s most powerful and richest companies. Armand Hammer kept his personal life and public profile very separated. Behind the scenes, however, he was known to want control above all. In Casey Hammer’s book about her family, she wrote about the disturbing behavioral patterns among the Hammer men. She was cut off and disowned from the family in response.

Just like his grandfather, Armie Hammer has kept the shiny image with the perfect family for the cameras. But he was not as careful to cover up his tracks. The latest broadcast of Hammer’s scandal began shortly after announcing his divorce from his wife, Elizabeth. The relationship had been a decade long, and they seemed to have perfect kids, so it was shocking to the public.

However, the public had their jaws on the floor once a few women came forward with accusations and proof of Armie Hammer’s disturbing texts and stories of encounters with him.

Some of the alleged quoted messages exposed by victims. All these were allegedly sent by Armie Hammer, through his instagram.

The allegations just kept piling up from women that claimed he took them on vacations and suggested disturbing acts of BDSM and screenshots of messages suggesting further than just kinks. The actor flipped his image almost immediately from a handsome and wholesome guy to an abuser and cheater. 

And it just kept going downhill from there. His fans came across his second, secret Instagram account, which went by “el destructo”, was found to have nothing short of what the allegations made him out to be - the drugs, drug tests failed, and drinking and driving, or a short clip of him doing drugs. It was like seeing another person.

            During this time, enough media coverage was done for fans of Armie Hammer to find out about these allegations. And for the time that the news was fresh, it was covered in many different media. All the noise of the allegations caused Hammer to voluntarily drop his role in upcoming movies. And once the first woman, Effie, who remains anonymous to this day due to the hate and people who still do not believe her claims, more women came forward with similar stories. 

These stories became a series of disturbing claims such as sexual assault, cannibalism, and graphic fantasies that Hammer opened up with to these multiple women.  This escalated to legal matters, and Hammer voluntarily going to rehab. The vision of him as a handsome, young family guy disappeared, replaced by one of him as a sadistic cannibal. 

Around this time, he started going off the grid, a few times after rehab, he was spotted working in a hotel in the Cayman Islands where the rest of his ex-wife’s family resided in. A few articles came out about his sightings in strange, and “normal” jobs, but the buzz around his name and the allegations started to die down. 

Until the docuseries of the alleged abuse and the two women who were willing to open up about their experience with Armie Hammer, not much else has been heard about him. Other than speculations of Armie being cut off by his father, being in debt, it seems that his crimes were swept under the rug and these women have yet to go to court, other than Effie.

The docuseries had its own issues as well when Effie, the first woman to come forward about Armie’s abuse, refused to be a part of the docuseries interviews. Still, the producers chose to put her story in the series along with screenshots between her and Hammer without her permission. It was public record since she pursued her rape claims in court. 

So why is it that Armie Hammer fell so far off the deep end that now his name is off the media’s radar? Well, for one, he had the luxury of high-end lawyers who managed to keep his investigation from going further without evidence. Then, there was a runaway to the Cayman Islands, which is another luxury that comes with money. 

The family was willing to cut off one of their family members for exposing such truth. So, you must wonder what they would do to protect their prestigious son. The high celebrity status and how the public viewed him must have a playing factor in all this as well.

Let's Not Talk About Conventional Family

By: Sabrina Pardo

Every now and then, when I am comfortable enough to open up, I find myself surrounded by the discomfort of other people. A story I often tell is about the way I grew up in Bolivia, raised by my uncle, while my mom was in the states for school. I think it paints the picture of how close we are, taking in the fact that we never really got a chance to build a tight knit relationship.

            People don’t know what to say when I tell them. Distance in a relationship with a parent is somewhat common, even as mothers are deified. There’s a mix of understanding and sympathy as well as an inkling of – but she’s your mom, and she sacrificed everything for you.

            My mother had a tough time. She was a single mother, and she worked a lot. For a long time, I’ve been trying to reckon with that fact, and that she did so much for me, even with our difficult relationship. And slowly, I’ve begun to make peace with it.

            The struggle to make ends meet as a young, single parent of 2 must have been nearly impossible for my mother, especially in wealthy Northern Virginia. Still, my mother insisted that we live in Fairfax because it had the best secondary school and many opportunities. It was pretty much impossible to live there by ourselves, so we had eventually decided to move with our grandparents to afford a small townhouse.

Throughout school, all my friends about family movie nights or family dinners. But it wasn’t. Not me. My norm was a busy, working mother who was away while I shared dinners with my grandparents and sister. There were factors that played into our own situations that made it hard for us to have movie nights, to have a girl’s night in, and I couldn’t blame anyone for that. The best attempt we ever had at a sense of normalcy were the office visits at my mom’s job where we put on a show for her coworkers and played pretend.

            I eventually developed a closeness with my grandparents that I did not have with my mother. Not only was she always away working, but when she was back, she was difficult to be around. I always assumed it was stress. And at the time, because I was young, I didn’t recognize the stresses of her life, though now I do. She faced many of the issues, including the need to be the primary breadwinner, as many single parents. As common as it is, with nearly 24 million children who live in single-parent households, it is a struggle to make ends meet.

            And though there as many things, I can understand now that I may not have before. There are enough resources about the topic of single parenting that I began to absorb. I noticed I had many of the stressors of being the child of a single parent. The Annie E. Casey Foundation recognizes the lack of an intact parent unit as an adverse childhood experience, also known as ACEs. The more a child is exposed to ACEs, the more potential there is for harmful effects that could cause a child to then deal with later in life. And those effects could be physical, mental, and even go as far as affect their education.

            Because my mother was often low on fumes, I felt the pressure to behave and tend to her expectations of me. Besides the lack of parents’ consistency and money issues, this is another issue that child of single parents’ face; we often take on roles with higher responsibility and maturing faster to pitch in and help.

            But if I’m honest about it, that was also, in part because my mother demanded it. For a long time, I assumed that much of our struggle was because she did not have a partner to help her. But eventually, I started to shift my perspective.

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            What I started to process, for instance, is that after my visits to my mother’s office, back at home, the nurturing was gone, and the pressure was back on to be hardworking, perfect grades, no trouble, and no disobedience. To make matters worse, there was competition between me and my sister.

            It was a pile of expectations that distanced our relationship, the constant not good enough reaction or arguing over the small “disobedient” actions. And yet, I always hoped that I could finally please these expectations, but I always found myself in trouble. I continued to hope that we would eventually move past this “phase” and maybe become a normal family.

            There were so many ups and downs in our relationship. I always found it hard to talk about with other people, maybe because it felt wrong but also because I recognized that some of the distance was not her fault. But it was also the case that there were aspects of it that were her fault. She was my first critic. I still sometimes hear her judgement in the back of my head.

Recently, I read the book “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” about the Nickelodeon star, Jeannette McCurdy’s narcissistic mother. It was like a breath of fresh air. The stories she talked about – high the high expectations, the pressure she felt – were all familiar to me. I had finally found a sense of relation to my own experiences, that kind of gave me a sense of normality. I started to consider the mental health issues that uniquely could’ve applied to my situation.

            After all I can understand, the mental toll it is to be a single parent. Single mothers are more prone to have mental health struggles such as postpartum depression and other psychologically challenging disorders. It was a matter of understanding the level of stress being a single parent could be and that’s when I started pulling away from the residing anger and unrealistic expectations for my family to be “normal”.

In her book, Jeannette writes: “Why can’t we be honest about them? Especially moms. They’re the most romanticized of anyone.”

           It is one of my favorite lines. We have such high expectations for mothers. And it’s also what led to my final shift in mindset. I stopped searching for the fairy tales.

            When I look back, I recall many of our fights. Some of them were because I was a rebellious teenager. Others were excessive, the screaming, the honest dislike for each other. This was not something I could ever understand or wanted to. I would always what exactly was wrong with me that I was so disliked by my own mother.

I could not help it, resorting to blaming myself because I could not talk about it. If I did, I’d hear the “You should be grateful, “or “She has done so much for you, you have no idea.”

            And maybe I don’t have any idea, but I do have an idea of what I experienced. What others with single mothers could experience just by the looks of statistics. A few studies confirmed the controlling behaviors that come from single mothers especially deflecting onto their kids, and the damaging effects it could have such as anxiety and depression. I remembered the feeling during our fights, and the silent car rides. It was tense, it felt like anything I did was wrong, like I was under a microscope. I would find myself crying after a fight, and thinking “She hates me,” and wonder “Why? What is wrong with me?” That was more painful, I learned later, than it needed to be.

            Now, I realize that my mother probably had a picture of what her child would be – someone obedient and cheerful, someone who looked up to her. I wasn’t always those things, and she got angry because I couldn’t fulfill that same unrealistic standard.

I was doing the same to her. Because I compared it to everyone else around me, I set myself up for disappointment, and as bad as it sounds, the relationship I wanted with my mom, was not realistic. As I recognize the limitations of our relationship more clearly, I’ve come to peace with it, and I’m less angry. I don’t have the ideal mother-daughter relationship, and I’m okay with that.

The Ones Who Talk in The Night

Why do you and so many others suffer from somniloquy while they are sleeping.

By: Jack Yatsko

Credit: Jack Yatsko

The sound of chuckling and mumbled chatter woke me up. Before I even had the chance to become aware of my surroundings, I caught a glimpse of my brother sitting there, smiling at me. I did not even have the chance to say anything before he cut me off. He asked if they liked the food, and I was not sure what he was talking about. He began to explain to me how during the night, I was getting increasingly angry at what he described as “morons,” making remarks about how poor they all were as chefs and how the patrons would hate the food. When he finished telling me this story, he could not contain his laughter. With the embarrassment flowing over me, I quickly got out of bed and exited my room.  

Sadly, stories like this are all too common for me. My name’s Jack, and I’m a sleep talker. Sleep talking is a sleeping disorder that causes the person to talk in their sleep without being aware. Formally known as somniloquy, sleep talking affects multiple people over various age ranges. “Sleep talking is a type of parasomnia. Parasomnias are abnormal behaviors during sleep,” said Eric Suni and Dr. Alex Dimitriu in an article for The Sleep Foundation. A study from the article found that 66% of people experience sleep talking at least once in their life, with only 17% having repeated instances.

I still get red-faced when someone points it out, but over time I’ve come to accept it a little more. But lately, my questions about why I do it have been swirling. I wonder why I and so many other people at night sleep talk. Does my mood affect why I sleep talk? Does what I say while asleep have any meaning? Most importantly, to the dismay of my brother, is it possible for me to stop sleep talking? I decided to search for my answers to find the underlying cause of my nighttime ramblings.

To my knowledge, I do not remember my parents having a history of sleep talking. It is possible; however, all my memories were drowned out by their snores over the years because sleep talking has been found to be a hereditary trait. Many children who are found to sleep talk most likely will also have parents who suffer from the same abnormal behavior. While it is more common in children and adolescents, it is still prevalent in teenagers and adults. However, it does tend to fade out and get lost as the person gets older.

 According to Dr. Emily Decker in an article for Blanchard Valley Health System, “As children get older, sleep talking episodes usually decrease and can happen once every few months or so. They are most common in kids ages two to 12.” Obviously, that wasn’t the case for me. I decided to ask my parents about their own experiences with sleep talking, to see if they might have experienced it at some point. 

Credit: Jack Yatsko

 It turns out that, yes, they both have had a reoccurring history of talking in their sleep. While snoring was more common among both, they have had instances of talking in their sleep. I asked them if they happened to have any memories of hearing me sleep talking? If any, what would I be saying while I was asleep?  

 When talking to my parents, I found out that they are very different in terms of their sleep talking habits. Beginning with my mother, she said that she began sleep talking once she began having children. While she would be home taking care of my two younger siblings and I, she was very stressed. Which in turn caused her to experience sleep talking frequently. From not only being drained physically but also mentally. When I asked her about how frequent they have occurred since then, she just responded with “off and on. It isn’t a common thing, but every now and then your father tells me I was talking in my sleep.”

Moving from one parent to the next, I ask the same questions to my father. He said he has been sleep talking since he was a lot younger. Always being a hard worker, he has also experienced a lot of stress. Even now, constantly working and never stopping, he is the definition of exhausted. When I asked him about his frequency with sleep talking, he told me, “it’s basically every week, not daily, but often enough that it feels like it. I’m always so exhausted from work that I just come home and crash. I probably ramble about work even when I’m home, I don’t know.”

When I asked my family about what I tended to talk about in my sleep, they mostly mentioned random noises, nonsensical mumbling, and laughter. However, on rare occasions, I do utter short sentences or incoherent conversations with my brother. Both the sentences and conversations are just coincidental answers to vaguely asked questions. Rachael Gilpin in an article for sleepadvisor.com had this to say about the context of sleep talking: “Fortunately for those who sleep talk, the words usually contain little to no truth. The afflicted person is expressing audible noises or words in an unconscious state, and therefore has little capacity to discern between a real topic or a dream.” 

 What brings on a somniloquy episode, however, is very much related to a person’s mental state. According to Lana Barhum, a writer for Very Well Health, “People are most likely to sleep talk when they're stressed or sleep-deprived.” Strong emotions are not the only causes for sleep talking. Other mental issues such as PTSD, depression, or anxiety can also be considered factors in triggering sleep talking. These factors take large tolls on your mind, keeping it running when you need to relax the most. Having those emotions and feelings built up all day come out into words. Or in other cases, as described by WebMD, “REM sleep behavior disorder (RBD) and sleep terrors are two types of sleep disorders that cause some people to shout during sleep.” 

Credit: Seeker (DNews)

 While not directly related to sleep talking, it shares similar symptoms and causes. But instead of words or phrases, people who suffer from RBD shout, yell, or scream while they sleep. My parents claim that I tend to swear a lot during my sleep. I cross-referenced with my friends who confirmed it was true. But it makes sense since it’s probably when I’m most agitated that I sleep talk. I thought to myself that I had to be angry, or at least upset during the day to warrant these verbal outbursts. 

I picked up my phone, scrolled through my contacts and called my brother. I asked him if he would be able to remember how I felt the night before I would go to bed. A common trend among the nights was a single overpowering emotion. Not any specific emotion, but one that would trump all the others. One night was stress, another night joy, another night sadness. Regardless, the big feelings could have been behind my talking. 

Coming around to the big question, is it possible to stop sleep talking? In an article written by Kelli Miller for WebMD, she states that, “There is no known way to reduce sleep talking. Avoiding stress and getting plenty of sleep might make you less likely to talk in your sleep.” While there is no medicine or methods to prevent sleep talking, there are minor ways to decrease the likelihood of sleep talking. Healthy sleep habits, maintaining positive mental health, and taking time to destress.

 While not the answer I was hoping for, I was surprised by all my findings. Rather than being labeled as a crazy person by my friends and family, I was now able to relax and sleep well, knowing that I was one of many people with a sleep talking habit. And maybe, if I worked on my sleep hygiene, the problem might go away on its own. Feeling better about my recently cleared mind, I called my brother one more time. 

 This time, I began to joke with him about his sleep talking. He became extremely defensive and denied every claim I made. I may have been lying, but I just knew he couldn’t know the truth. After all, he wasn’t awake for it. Going back and forth, throwing childish insults at each other. We have a laugh, this one not at each other. But with each other. Being able to mess with my brother for the same thing he mocks me for is relieving. Knowing that my random saying has no meaning, and is completely normal makes me feel incredibly less embarrassed. 

Not Rocking With Him

Is The Rock’s career as solid as it seems? Or is there cracks?

By: Jack Yatsko

An ad for the new Black Adam movie featuring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson popped up on TikTok. It was only a few seconds of some action shots and then Black Adam diving on screen towards something until the title card hits. I remember the memes on the Internet begging for The Rock to be Black Adam even before he was cast. Maybe it was for his acting history, or maybe it was because he physically fits the role. But the real reason was, people wanted to see The Rock kick some ass. Since then, I have seen countless ads every single day about this movie. It is never advertised as “Black Adam featuring The Rock.” It is always “Dwyane Johnson IS Black Adam.” My interpretation is that he’s the main selling point rather than just the lead actor. His job is to pull in tickets.

Credit: FOX 5 Atlanta

When you watch a movie with The Rock in it. For example, let’s say Disney’s Jungle Cruise. What do you see when you look at The Rock’s character? Well, that would be his character Frank Wolff, a physically strong male lead who takes his problems into his own hands. How about in one of his older series in Fast and Furious? In that he plays Luke Hobbs, a physically strong male lead who takes problems into his own hands. But that sounds similar to the description of his other character right? And it’s the same with his other movies too. In Moana as Maui, in Jumanji as Spencer, and many other examples. They all formula found within The Rock’s style of character, that style being himself.

Credit: Tenor GIFS

The Rock falls into a problem of not playing the character he is cast for, but playing himself. Where he is cast less for the role of the character in a movie. But rather for The Rock being, well, The Rock. While this strategy clearly works, as The Profile’s Polina Pompliano said, “Johnson is the highest-paid actor in the world, making more than $20 million per movie, thanks to a string of box office hits. His films have grossed over $10.5 billion worldwide, which makes him one of the highest-grossing movie stars of all time.” But it feels detached, like I’m watching a behind the scenes reading of the movie from The Rock. While every other actor in the movie is actually acting. It takes away from the action, and takes away from my enjoyment of the movie. I’d rather be drawn to a movie for its story, not its main actor. In fact, I don’t get what the hype about him is all about. Really, what is so good about an actor, whose main draw is that he just plays himself?

During his days as a WWE wrestler, The Rock’s brand was being better than everyone else. Not only did he show this in the ring, but in interviews and trash talking as well. The Rock called himself better than you, and he wanted you to know. So, in the move into acting, that attitude transition was essentially seamless. He carried that “better than you, larger than life” personality from the big ring to the big screen. Most of the character’s he plays seem to be written for The Rock to play, rather than The Rock auditioning to play that character. Where in the case of Black Adam it makes sense. Not only do the character’s physically resemble each other. But also mentally in a sense, where Black Adam is also a character who believes himself to be better than the other people around him. But to give The Rock credit, he earned his status through years or hardwork and dedication. Whereas Black Adam was granted power from literal gods. To quote The Rock, “Blood, sweat, and respect. First two you give, last one you earn." But this attitude is not just on the big screen, and his social media posts reflected that.

 Looking through The Rock’s social media pages can be a sight sometimes. Whether he is posting a wealth of photos and videos of him working out. Or just him flexing on The Great Wall of China. The Rock seems to be one with himself, and it comes off as pretty self-centered. There is a stereotype when it comes to celebrities that they are very full of themselves. That they are not one with their fans and detached from reality. While The Rock may promote against that stereotype verbally, where Bustle’s Olivia Truffant-Wong said, “The Rock embraces all aspects of his career with a bright smile and a chuckle, a grateful attitude that tells audiences that he isn't so full of himself that he thinks he's better than the projects they like him for.” But his posts argue against those claims. I do not know about you, but I can not name many celebrities that have several posts of them standing in a gym. Covered head to toe in heavy metal chains. Go on, I’ll wait. 

Credit: Daily Mail

With all of this information stacked against him, I still can’t understand why people love The Rock so much. I mean, what is there to love about a guy who is larger than his life. Who is a multi-billion dollar actor, starring in tons of iconic franchises? And that's when it hit me, that is the exact reason why people love him. They love him because he is larger than life. They love him because he plays the physically strong male lead, which is himself. And that is what people want to watch. People love The Rock for the reason I hate The Rock, he is himself in everything. Writer for Bleacher Report Chris Mueller said it best in his article about The Rock. “Whether he is flashing his pearly whites, flexing his muscles, speaking intensely or in a humorous way or even just being himself, people want to watch him.” While this quote primarily focused on his wrestling career, it still applies for his fans even now. “There is nothing more distasteful than a star who dismisses the work that made him or her famous, and The Rock actively fights against cultivating that impression.” 

 The Rock even goes above and beyond for his fans. On multiple occasions, Dwayne Johnson has done a lot for his fans. On his social media, especially his Instagram, he posts pictures with his fans and of his fans. Just as much as he posts pictures of him working out. “His feed is littered with posts of the star meeting with fans, recounting how they waited outside of his gym or on the outskirts of a movie set for hours just to meet him,” said Wong for Bustle. He does a lot to include his fans, and does his best to go out of his way for them. In the same article from Wong, “Another post from January 2018 details how a woman accidentally walked into a shot on the set of his HBO series Ballers, and she felt so bad that Johnson personally made sure to say hi to her afterwards.” 

Not only that, he has his own charity as well. The Dwayne Johnson ROCK Foundation is The Rock’s personal charity that allows children with medical disabilities to be able to empower them and their self-esteem. He does the most to see his fans smile, using as much power and status as he has to make sure that happens. The Rock is an interesting character, in and out of his movies. But regardless of where you see him, he is extremely loved by his fans. Where his fans love him for his insane workout physique, predictable and similar characters, and interesting Internet memes. I find that I dislike him for those reasons, but not because I hate The Rock. Because I was under the impression that he was just another stereotypical actor. Using his fame and fan interactions to set himself a good image. When in reality, it is nothing more than a PR stunt to keep his rating up and money rolling in. I have a whole new outlook on The Rock, even though I still think his acting is something that needs work. I still reserved a seat for Black Adam, to see both the movie and The Rock in it.

I Tried Gratitude Journaling So You Don't Have To

Celebrities swear by it but does practicing daily gratitude actually work for normal people?

While I was growing up, I had a bit of a mean streak. I would suppress my anger for days, and then the slightest thing would cause me to lash out at my family. I’d keep my feelings to myself if I were picked on at school, but the minute my brother teased me at home, I would go nuclear on him. After one of these outbursts and in an attempt to avoid the next screaming match, my mother told me to "write out my feelings" She gave me a blue journal she had been gifted years ago. 

In it was a "gratitude list" she’d written and forgotten about, with ten things she was grateful for, including the rain, our cats, my father, and her children. This was not uncommon in our home; my mother would often purchase journals and would leave them somewhere in the house and forget about them. At thirteen years old, I did not listen to my mother’s advice and did not see the point in writing my thoughts. Gratitude journalism seemed even worse, too sickly sweet to ever make me feel better. Of course, I was a rage-filled teen.

Years later, before starting my college year, I came across another one of my mother’s lists, and it looked different to me. Gratitude no longer seemed like it was some fluffy pseudo-science that celebrities glorified. I’d read numerous articles that spouted off the benefits of gratitude journaling, and how it helped people overcome hardship, appreciate good experiences, and improve relationships. I decided to take the jump and start my own gratitude journal, this time a little more receptive.

Sitting at my desk in my shared room, I pulled out a little notebook my sister gave me for my birthday and stared at the blank page. I was completely and utterly lost; at that moment, I could not think of anything to list. While I knew I was grateful for numerous things like my family, my friends, and the sunny weather, it felt superficial and fake to write those things down because they felt almost too easy. I decided my best bet was to google “gratitude journal prompts,” and I selected a list of 101 gratitude journal prompts.

For the first entry in my gratitude journal, I decided to lob myself a softball and start easy with “What makes you appreciate your job the most?” For me, this was a straightforward prompt because I have always enjoyed the work I do at the library. I spent the first night writing a paragraph about how grateful I was that my supervisors allowed me to express my creativity with new projects and how much their advice has helped me prepare for future job opportunities. This post did not take any mental effort because I already recognized what I was grateful for when it came to my job. But after I wrote it down, I felt surprisingly happier, which was not something I expected.

Dr. Robert Emmons, an American psychologist and a leader in the positive psychology movement, said that there are three parts to gratitude: recognizing what you’re grateful for, acknowledging it, and appreciating it. First, by recognizing that there is something to be grateful for, you confirm that there are good things in the world. After this, you should reflect on how this positive thing has helped you or made you happy and acknowledge this. Finally, when you look for where the positive thing comes from and find its source, you can appreciate the reason it exists. In his research, he has had people keep gratitude journals for three weeks and seen results physically with lower blood pressure and better sleep, psychologically with more alertness and optimism, and socially with people being more forgiving and more outgoing. 

I continued this non-strenuous writing dump for the following six journal entries, each time with another prompt. I wrote about my favorite song (Will Leet’s Alice), what made people beautiful (confidence), and what my favorite meal was (grandmother’s espetada). I noticed that I was enjoying this self-contemplative exercise, but while I was enjoying it because it got me to think more positively, I didn’t feel that I was actively discovering positive things through the prompts. I was just picking surface-level “easy” things to be grateful for

Who Has A Favorite Smell???

I wanted to challenge myself and decided to select the “uncomfortable” prompts. First, I reflected on “What is your favorite smell, and how does it stir your emotions?” I quickly discovered that I am not positive about my favorite smell but settled on my dad’s cologne because he has used it for years, and it reminds me of home and feeling safe. Reflecting on this made me homesick, and I proceeded to call my family and Facetime them for a good hour.

I did feel more challenged, which was exactly what I wanted. Not on the top of my head immediately. It took some thinking. But still, I wanted something harder. Would I be able to find gratitude in not just something that wasn’t obvious to me but in something that was actively painful? That’s why I chose my next challenge: My last prompt was the most difficult for me, and I picked it for that reason. I chose a prompt that made me think about a former friend: “who is one person you can’t stand? Now write down anything you can learn to love about them.”

“who is one person you can’t stand? Now write down anything you can learn to love about them.”

— 101 Gratitude Prompts

I do not like looking back on this period of my life. When I met this friend, I was still a very sheltered person, and I was struggling to meet people at school because of this. During our friendship, they helped me come out of my shell, and with their encouragement, I became more confident and bold. During the first two years of our friendship, we were extremely close, but when I came back that third-year, things were different. Looking back, while writing the prompt, I started wondering was our friendship ended because I didn’t stay shy and quiet.

It was a tough question to answer. I was forced to look back on my relationship with my ex-friend and remember why I had been friends with them for four years, even though I knew it was the right decision to let the friendship die. I had continuously made excuses for why they would treat me poorly and tried to find reasons to remain friends, but it had finally reached a breaking point, and afterward, I harbored significant anger and sadness.

I Am Worth More

This prompt ended up being more of an open letter to them instead of an impersonal essay. I wrote about the memories we had made over the years and how much I had enjoyed our friendship in the beginning. I was grateful for them encouraging me to come out of my shell and be more confident. But then the tone shifted; I started writing about how, as the friendship progressed, I realized that I was investing more in this friendship than they were. If I didn’t call first, they would “forget me” even though they insisted I was one of their close friends. Finally, I realized how thankful I was for what that relationship taught me about what I would and wouldn’t accept in a friendship.

Finally, I had some semblance of closure. Not long after I finished the prompt, I deleted their number and muted them on social media. I knew that they would never see this letter and that I would never tell them what I wrote, but this was my final goodbye. While completing the prompt was originally depressing, I felt euphoric when I was finished. And I realized maybe this is why my mother was so dedicated to gratitude journaling.

After this experiment, I have a new appreciation for gratitude journaling and a better understanding of my mother’s suggestion. While I was growing up, my father was an active-duty marine. He was frequently deployed, and during his deployments, my mother was basically a single parent to three kids who were constantly missing their father. Being in a military family comes with sacrifice and stresses that are not always experienced by civilian families. Gratitude journaling became a way for her to decompress and focus on positive things in her life. When she offered me that journal, she was hoping that I would find the same comfort that she found in journaling. During this experiment, I discovered there were actually tangible benefits to journaling, and to my surprise, I enjoyed completing the daily prompts. I felt more relaxed after completing a journal, and while I don’t think I will be writing daily, I will definitely be writing more going forward.

Omg A Minor Celebrity Cheated, But Why Do We Care?

Ned Fulmer branded himself as a “wife guy” He got caught cheating, so what can we learn from him?

When watching videos on the Try Guys channel viewers were welcomed into a world of laughter and kindness. Bright colorful backgrounds would light light up the sets and these four men made it their mission to make their audience laugh.  Keith Habersburger, Eugene Lee Yang, Zach Kornfeld, and Ned Fulmer were the internet’s nice guys and their videos reflected this. Instead of aggressive and rude f**k boys these men were cheerful, welcoming, and seemed genuinely focused on spreading joy. But when one of the internet’s nice guys fails what are we suppose to do?

On September 27th we were gifted with the scandal that broke the internet. Ned Fulmer, the former “wife guy” of the Try Guys YouTube company, “lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship.” Yes, readers, another one of the internet’s dream husbands failed us, and everything was terrible. There were so many articles breaking down this extramarital affair, like an absurd amount. But what drove a doting husband to try cheating wasn’t my question. More like, why does everyone care so much about a guy they’ve seen on the internet a couple of times? 

“why does everyone care so much about a guy they’ve seen on the internet a couple of times? ”

Before the scandal, the Try Guys were on the radar of mostly their YouTube subscribers. Buzzfeed created the Try Guys in 2014, and their introduction to the internet was "Guys Try Ladies’ Underwear for the First Time.” Yeah, this fantastic foursome’s first video ever was them describing how women’s underwear fit them and how they felt (spoiler alert the panties didn’t fit right). Buzzfeed somehow hit the jackpot, and the Try Guys became one of their most popular groups, and since 2014 they have produced 603 videos. The group split with BuzzFeed in 2018 and created the independent company Second Try LLC. 

I will admit I was one of these eager viewers, something about the group was very likable, and they seemed less like untouchable influencers and more like real people. The original videos of the quartet tended to be focused on quick laughs and less serious topics. Videos like The Try Guys Try The Ancient Olympics,The Try The Japanese Tablecloth Trick, and The Try Guys Try Perverted Hallowen Costumes introduced the group to millions of adoring fans who loved the jokes and chemistry of the guys. As they grew and continued to create content they began to mix in more serious content including multiple mini-series spanning from fatherhood to educating their subscribers on the dangers of drunk, high, and distracted driving. However, the group always came back to their comedy roots.

Each member had their own “brand.”

Keith was the tall, funny guy who loved fried chicken; Eugene was the most fashionable, and he loved his dogs more than other people; Zach loved his tea and openly discussed his autoimmune disorder. Then there was Ned; he was the man who loved his wife above anything else. These personas were safe and non-threatening, and I think that's where the appeal came in; having four men consistently act like real humans and not stereotypical manly men on the internet was new and refreshing.

The group worked to create a positive and inclusive channel that has worked with the Trevor Project and other philanthropic organizations. They seemed like the nicest people on the internet, and Fulmer was perhaps the most likable of them all. It was almost like, how had something not gone wrong on their channel yet? They’d set themselves up for a massive implosion.

The term “wife guy” was coined in 2019; basically, a wife guy is a husband who has created his whole internet persona by praising the fact that he is married to his wife. In almost all the content a wife guy produces, his wife is somehow mentioned or involved. Amanda Hess said it best in her 2019 New York Times article: “The wife guy defines himself through a kind of overreaction to being married. His wife hurt herself, and he filmed it. He is sexually attracted to his wife, and he talks about it as if he were some kind of hero.” Wife guys supposedly fight against the current stereotypes of a cisgender straight husband and promote non-toxic masculinity. Being labeled a wife guy is a label that these men are meant to wear with pride. Instead of the typical unsatisfactory marriage, wife guys have perfect lives and marriages, and this is all due to their amazing and fantastical wife.

“ The wife guy defines himself through a kind of overreaction to being married. His wife hurt herself, and he filmed it. He is sexually attracted to his wife, and he talks about it as if he were some kind of hero.”

— Amanda Hess

Fulmer’s branding of the “wife guy” was advantageous while he was a member of the Try Guys. He was able to market his relationship. Through this, he started a company, hosted two different podcasts, created a cookbook, and even made a toy that quoted him saying, “my wife.” His wife, Ariel Fulmer, became a consistent (and popular) guest on the Try Guys channel participating in series like “Try Wives Wine Time” and the podcast “You Can Sit with Us.” Through the wife guy branding, the Fulmers enjoyed their rising popularity, and Ariel seemed to be content in her role as “the wife of the wife guy.” But if the wife guy cheats, then what does that mean about him? Let’s face it, making your entire persona and your definition of goodness be about one thing is bound to backfire.

Ned’s decision to have an affair

will have long-lasting effects on his career and, unavoidably, his wife’s career. Branding yourself as the doting husband won’t work if you are cheating on the amazing wife. He has played this role for nearly nine years and since he is a minor celebrity it is going to be near impossible to rebrand. There are toys, shirts, books, and posters that are all related to his persona and this is going to follow him. No matter what Fulmer does he is always going to be the wife guy who cheated. When the scandal broke the court of public opinion was quick to cast judgment on Fulmer, but the bigger question was what this meant for the entire group of Nice Guys he’d gone into business with.

Cheating scandals, be it with co-workers or friends, are not new in the celebrity world, but the actions of the remaining Try Guys speak volumes. When Yang, Kornfeld, and Habersberger were informed of the affair during Labor Day weekend, they did not cover up the affair to save face; instead, they took direct action and hired an outside human resources consultant to conduct an internal review of the company. They did not release their statement until the review was completed, and in that statement, they made it clear that Fulmer was no longer associated with Second Try LLC. On Oct. 3, five days after their initial statement Yang, Kornfeld, and Habersberger released a video titled “what happened.”  

Within the five-minute video, the trio broke down the timeline of their discovery of the affair and then their response as Yang stated, “from the jump, we were acutely aware of just how contrary this was to the values of the company and those of everyone who works here. This is something we took very seriously. We refused to sweep things under the rug. That is not who we are and is not what we stand for.” Fulmer was scrubbed from content and removed from work activities during the investigation. The trio also stated that they have several videos that will no longer be released because of Fulmer’s involvement in them.

Kornfeld explained that this was “a decision that has cost us lots of money. We will not be able to recoup that money, but it is a decision we stand by proudly.” They continued to explain that they were not planning on making their statement video this early, but because of the media response and growing rumors, they knew something needed to be said.  Yang also made a statement in response to the harassment that their employee was receiving, stating that “the internet has a tendency to be a lot harsher towards women than men.” and asking everyone to “exercise kindness.” 

Their response did gain the attention of Saturday Night Live, which made a parody sketch of their video. At first, it seemed that the sketch was going to make jokes about the media attention that the Try Guys received. But viewers quickly realized the remaining trio was meant to be the joke. For a show that trends liberal and on the right side of #MeToo, the writers of SNL completely missed the mark with this sketch with the show, downplaying the almost year-long affair and calling it a “consensual kiss” (Fun fact Fulmer allegedly knows an SNL writer). In the context of SNL, Fulmer’s affair would be like if Lorne Michaels had an affair with a subordinate writer on the show. Would it still be a consensual kiss?

Anyone remember the Trypod episode where he talks about his Yale friend who writes for SNL…asking for a friend

— Becky Habersberger (@becksmecks) October 9, 2022

Since the scandal broke, the channel has grown. Today the group has over 8 million subscribers to the channel, so as they enter this new era of their channel, the group has lost a member but gained popularity. While the group isn’t talking about the affair (because of the legal stuff), they are not hiding from the scandal. On Nov. 19, they released the newest season of their show Without A Recipe with the added subtitle Everything is fine: A Totally Normal Season. Kudos to the editors because this is one of the series that Fulmer had to be scrubbed from currently; they have replaced him with a pink elephant, a monkey, and now a turkey during the most recent episode (I’m hoping for a clownfish next). 

Clearly, the group is moving on, but it has been radio silence from both Ariel and Ned since the affair was made public. On the surface, the relationship between them seemed literally picture-perfect. They were the original married couple of the Try Guys, and eight years down the road, they had two adorable boys, 4 and 2. The frustrating reality of this story is that there is a family at the center of it. Ariel and her sons are forever entangled in this mess because, unlike the company, they can not just wash their hands and move on.

What nobody has reported, perhaps to give her privacy, is what it’s been like for her. We all know what people think of the wife guy who cheats. But what do we think of the wife of the wife guy?

But what do we think of the wife of the wife guy?

Ariel Fulmer is kinda stuck. When she married Ned in 2012 the Try Guys did not exist but as the group and her husband gained popularity she also became famous. She became famous as “the wife”. Because of the persona Ned created Ariel in many ways was turned into a one-dimensional character where her importance came from being married to Fulmer. After the Try Guys split from Buzzfeed Ariel began to make more appearances in videos but even as she was beginning to make separate content from Ned her selling point was still being the wife or after having children “the mother”.

Now she is forced to navigate the heartbreak and betrayal of Ned’s affair with the world watching. There is no way Ariel can fully disentangle herself from the mess Fulmer created. The sad reality is that Ariel is stuck in a no-win situation. If she decides to divorce Fulmer she would become the “ex-wife of the wife guy” but if she stays she is now the woman who forgave her cheating spouse. No matter what decision she makes people will share their opinions. Along with this she also has to think about her children because any decisions she and Fulmer make will effect them. When Fulmer decided to cheat did he honestly think there wouldn’t be far reaching consequences for his actions?

Cheating scandals in the celebrity world are nothing new. But usually, the cheater sends out an apology message or video or goes on a world tour, and then everyone forgives and forgets about it. The Fulmer scandal broke directly after the world processed the mess of Adam Levin. The Maroon Five singer was known for heaping praise on his model wife, going as far as to feature her and their daughter in his “Girls Like You” music video. In a shocking turn of events Levine had his direct messages with Instagram model Sumner Stroh released. The two did not have a physical relationship; instead Levine stated that he had an “emotional affair” with Stroh.

Levine was caught, apologized, and now is going on tour with his band. There was no lasting consequence to his affair. What has made the Fulmer cheating scandal so interesting is that Fulmer has faced significant and justified consequences for his actions. Fulmer was an executive producer and co-owner of the Try Guys company, and he had an affair with a subordinate co-worker. While the affair was consensual, there was still a huge power dynamic at play. Fulmer controlled this person’s income, and other co-workers could claim favoritism because of the affair. 

The company Fulmer created had values, and instead of “sweeping things under the rug,” his former co-owners and friends held him accountable. In their podcast, Habersberger stated that the consequences would have remained even if the internet didn’t catch on to the scandal “It betrayed our trust. It was a workplace violation. It would mean to all the people in our office who knew what they knew that we were not true to everything we say we are and our values. Very simply, he would have been removed.”

It would not have been this public spectacle without that response.

But I’m still stuck: are they actually nice guys, or are they saving their public face? At the end of the day, the scandal benefitted them.

Unlike Ariel and her family they have been able to extract themselves from the fallout and look better for it. And maybe that’s the final nail in the coffin for the wife guy. For the audience, we’re so used to him failing us that we’re reluctant to trust ever again. We’re all a little more cynical.

Christian in 2022

I managed to separate church and state better than the Supreme Court, until I couldn’t.

By: Emily Hemphill

I was struggling to sit comfortably in a metal folding chair in the living room where I had been spending every Thursday night for the past two years helping out as a group leader for a Rite of Christian Initiation class, a course for those seeking to join the Catholic Church. On this particular night, the assembly was split into small groups, and we were each assigned to determine and defend the Catholic stance on a particular moral issue. My group was assigned the topic of homosexuality … this was going to be fun.

I’d always felt somewhat at odds with certain church teachings. I was the type to engage in theological debates with teachers at my Catholic high school and didn't consider myself overly religious. My doubts became even more pronounced when, last summer, the Supreme Court overturned the rights guaranteed to women over their bodies. What was once an uncomfortable disagreement with the church morphed into what felt like a personal attack. When I finally brought some of my doubts to the priest, I was met with “your beliefs should be aligning with the Church’s.” I was frustrated and hurt, but my fear of confrontation and embedded respect for authority kept my lips sealed.

I felt those feelings rise to the surface that night as I retreated to the corner of the room trying to block out the “one man and one woman” comments; biting on the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood. But the guilt began to build in the pit of my stomach. I felt like a passive bystander. How could I silently sit here and not defend the people in my life who were being called sinners? In that moment, I knew I couldn’t be there anymore. Soon after, I stepped down from my role as a group leader and away from the church. But in the weeks following my departure, I started to wish for a new way to worship.

I find it impossible to believe that I am the only liberal Christian in America right now, struggling to balance religious and socio-political beliefs without completely abandoning the Church altogether. I wondered if I could try to find a place where I could embrace my progressive values while still practicing my faith. Was such a balance plausible? And then I spotted a potential answer. A “DISMANTLE RACISM” poster flashed before me, but it was the adjacent sign that really caught my eye: “Trinity Episcopal Church.” 

www.trinity-fredericksburg.org

It was a building right next to campus, just a short walk from my old church. For some reason, I’d never paid much attention to it before. This time, the sign struck a chord. A church? Displaying that sign in its front yard? And is that … a rainbow flag next to it? The contradictions were almost too much for my little Catholic brain to compute. I decided almost immediately. I would start attending and see if I could finally answer the question in my mind: Can I be a Christian in 2022? 

First Trinity visit:

I started off with the 10 a.m. service. Arriving in my usual fashion – right on time, if not a few seconds late – I sat down and studied my surroundings. I couldn’t recall the last time I had been in another Christian church, but I don’t think I would have noticed a difference if it weren’t for the female priest up on the altar. Definitely not Catholic. Spread out among the pews were mostly elderly churchgoers, though a few younger couples were struggling to keep little kids quiet and still. 

As the service progressed, I was taken aback that they followed almost the identical structure and script as the masses I’d attended my entire life. The parallels were comforting. I did catch myself grinning occasionally as the female priest, Mother Cynthia, led the congregation in prayer or delivered the Homily, or sermon. I didn’t know the terminology used in a non-Catholic setting. Growing up only seeing men in priestly robes, I was soon fangirling over Mother Cynthia. As I listened to her preach about hospitality and serving the poor, my mind began to drift. I’d grown up hearing this spiel and I didn’t think the Episcopalians had anything radically different to say on the topic. 

An Episcopal church at the New York LGBT Pride March in 2017. | www.dioceseny.org

Described as “Protestant, yet Catholic” – practically oxymoronic in my opinion – the Episcopal Church was originally affiliated with the Church of England, but the two went their separate ways foll]owing the American Revolution. While retaining many characteristics of Catholicism, as I noticed, Episcopalians set themselves apart in several significant ways. In the late 1950s, they began to support civil rights legislation. The first women were ordained as priests in 1974. The Episcopal Church was apparently much more in tune with the times because it was only a couple years later it announced at the General Convention that gay people deserved “acceptance and care from the church” and equal protection under the law. They even ordained a transgender priest in 2005, which would be inconceivable by Catholic standards. 

“Equal opportunities in jobs and education is critical not dependent on sex, race, or gender orientation,” said Mother Cynthia. The words of Mother Cynthia snapped me back into the sermon. Now that was a sentence one doesn’t hear often in the Catholic Church. It felt like a safe haven. A place where I could try and integrate my beliefs, both religious and political.

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As I left the church that day, I was approached by a few women who seemed quite enthusiastic at seeing a fresh face. Once I had been greeted and promised to return, I made it out of the church where the two priests were shaking hands with everyone and having small conversations. The younger priest – a man probably in his mid 30s who introduced himself as Ethan at the beginning of the service – made his way over to me. I told him a little bit about myself, that I was a college student studying political science and journalism and had no idea what I was going to do with my life. He was friendly and easygoing, very different from the formality I was used to in Catholic priests. 

“I’ll shoot you an email sometime this week so we can meet up for coffee or something,” Ethan suggested at some point.

“Great! Thank you,” I said. 

“Slay.”  

SLAY

???

SLAY ???

Trinity: take two: 

On my second visit, Ethan was not at the service, but Mother Cynthia was presiding over the congregation again. She had a way of managing to make eye contact with everyone in the room all at once and welcoming them in with just a spread of her arms. She spent most of her sermon explaining the importance of the Eucharist, as this was the first service where they had wine back since the start of the pandemic. I unconsciously released a small sigh of relief when she said that all were invited to partake in communion with a little twinkle in her eye. Again, I felt comforted that this church experience wasn’t too radically different from what I’d seen before. 

This church seemed to be everything I was looking for. Female and slang-wielding priests, accepting of LGBTQ+ people, no requirements, or pressures to conform and I even came across a Committee for Racial Healing on their website; it seemed almost too good to be true. Only a couple hundred yards from the front door of my apartment building, it seemed to hold all of the answers. And yet, I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t quite overjoyed that I’d found a place I felt like I could fit in. This time, that unease I felt expressed itself through increased skepticism. If Trinity was truly as accepting and progressive as it promoted itself to be, then why were the pews half-empty on Sunday mornings? 

Right as I was thinking this, a girl who I recognized from a class my freshman year sat in front of me. This raised the population of early 20-year-olds in the church to two. Was religion slowly becoming an activity reserved only for boomers and young families aspiring to raise their kids in the church but who soon become the Christmas and Easter church goers as soccer practices, doctors’ appointments and piano lessons consume their every waking moment? That seemed to be what the research suggested. LifeWay Research released a study in 2017 stating that over 65 percent of Americans from the ages of 23-30 stopped regularly attending church services since they turned 18 years old. The group previously conducted a similar survey in 2007 where they found that 52% of “young Christians” cited political concerns as the reason for their exodus from the church.

Top 5 reasons for church dropouts

Young adults (ages 23-30) attending a Protestant church regularly for at least a year in high school

While it was refreshing to be in a place where my secular and spiritual beliefs aligned, I still didn’t feel like I could see myself fitting in there, age-wise. Another thing I’d read in some of the research was that many people my age were trying to practice their faith in other ways. I started to wonder whether I truly did need a church. A cradle Catholic, I’d joined the ranks of plaid-skirt wearing Catholic school girls in third grade and continued cycling through the same two skirts until graduation. When I came to college, I got involved in the Catholic Campus Ministries right away, continued going to Mass on Sundays and began volunteering at the RCIA classes. It felt like a way to stay connected to my faith and family. But now I wondered if all of that was necessary. 

It made little sense to me to trust an institution with archaic systems of power still in place and traditions created in a time of patriarchy – whether Catholic or other – to dictate my behaviors and values. I wondered if my faith was something I could still hold onto in a personal, distinct way. Perhaps I didn’t need the physical church or institution anymore. I was just so used to having a building to go to worship and feel connected to my faith. My obvious next question was: would I be able to let go?

Coffee with Ethan: 

I walked up the steps of “The House,” glancing over at the progress pride flag hanging in the front window. I stepped through the open doorway and entered into a small living room area, the walls covered in homemade artwork, birthday streamers, Christmas lights and Black Lives Matter posters with two couches lining two corners of the room and folding chairs completing the circle. I knocked on the doorframe and Ethan emerged from an office in the back of the small building. 

The Reverend Ethan Lowery | www.trinity-fredericksburg.org

After a quick tour through the rest of the house, we settled back in chairs in the front room. I felt the need to come clean – he is a priest after all – and laid out my recent disagreement with the Catholic faith, my ongoing spiritual investigation and deviation in beliefs. Over the next hour, we discussed our respective religious backgrounds. He was raised in the Episcopal Church in Johnson City, Tenn. Sympathizing with and expressing his regret over my current spiritual turmoil, Ethan talked about wanting to meet each person who stepped foot in The House where they were in their lives, not holding them to any standards or demanding anything of them, “just caring for them as Jesus would.”

He related to the chronic exhaustion that was seemingly permeating everyone’s lives at the moment, recognizing that sometimes all college students need is a place to come and set down their backpacks bursting with essays, assignments, anxiety, insecurities and expectations and just breathe. A community of around eight regulars at the moment – UMW and Germanna students – they hold weekly pizza dinners on Tuesday nights at “The House,” which is what they’ve nicknamed the Episcopal-Lutheran campus ministry building. Another activity mentioned in the newsletter is “Praying Hooky” where the group heads to a local coffee shop on a couple Sunday mornings throughout the semester “for some worldly self-care.”

As intriguing as skipping out on church services with a priest sounded, I couldn’t see myself discussing Bible verses or how to follow my moral compass in a secular college setting over a white chocolate mocha. I was tired of being told of what to believe, how to think and act. I didn’t want one more bad church experience to completely turn me away from any shred of faith left.  

“I know how corny this sounds, but I’m just going to go ahead and say it … if you need a priest, you’ve got one here.”

The House | Ethan Lowery

Resolution, but not really:

Thinking more about why I didn’t join the church that seemed like the panacea I was seeking, I started to realize that maybe it was too soon for me. Not much time had passed since I’d left the Catholic Campus Ministry, and I was still trying to process through what had happened, my religious past and what that future might look like now. I knew deep down that I had done what was right for me, especially if I wanted to maintain some spiritual life down the road, but I think I’d been in the church too long to not feel a little of that classic Catholic guilt. I wasn’t ready to put my faith in a new church and open myself back up when I still felt so conflicted about what I’d just experienced. I needed some resolution, which I knew would take some time. 

As I spoke with classmates and friends, their stories regarding church had all the same themes: differences in beliefs, pressures to conform and the feelings of not fitting in, not being as good or devout, or not doing enough to meet impossibly high expectations. Still, many of them still longed for a feeling of belonging, of putting their trust in something greater than them I have been told that one does not get to pick and choose what they believe from the Catholic faith, but that’s what I feel I need to do in order to stay connected with some form of church. I will hold onto the good I have seen and understand that there will be certain aspects that I will not be able to reconcile with in my heart.

Once I sort that out, then maybe I’ll be ready to start attending another church again. Or maybe I won’t need to.

Nicki Minaj Announced Her Retirement ... Maybe

Nicki Minaj spontaneously announced her retirement in 2019. And then went on to release a new studio album and 31-song compilation project.

Nicki Minaj, tired AF. | YouTube.

RETIRED?

 On Sept. 5, 2019, the country was keeping a careful eye on Hurricane Dorian as the swirling winds skimmed their way up the East Coast. Michael Keaton celebrated his 68th birthday. The GOAT Serena Williams won a tennis match in the U.S. Open for the one hundredth time. And the moon was a waxing crescent. Nothing appeared to be too out of the ordinary. Yet, on this particular Thursday evening in the beginning phases of fall, “Mrs. Petty” crafted a post on her Twitter account, her long acrylic nails clacking as she typed away on her gold-plated iPhone 6 – a statement that left people in all corners of the world reeling, or maybe just Barbz. 

“I’ve decided to retire & have my family. I know you guys are happy now. To my fans, keep reppin me, do it til da death of me, in the box – cuz ain’t nobody checkin me. Love you for LIFE.” 

Nicki Minaj’s retirement tweet. | @NICKIMINAJ, Twitter.

Responses to Minaj’s announcement. | Clevver News.

Twelve years of car-blasting bangers, fire rap verses, ass-shaking videos and calling out haters on live television at award shows; all gone in four sentences and a unicorn emoji. And then, in an Instagram live interview with influencer Jayda Cheaves early in 2022, Nicki Minaj seemed to contradict her prior announcement, explaining the notion of still having “something to prove.” “I will never leave the game until the time comes when I want to leave. It will always be done on my own terms.” Minaj’s mixed messages are enough to give a Barb some painful whiplash. 

Though she tried, Minaj didn’t end up quitting. In fact, she got even busier, putting together a new album and dropping back-to-back singles. So, what was that Internet- shattering, heart-stopping announcement all about? Was it a publicity stunt, as some have claimed, meant to build hype for what was to come next? Did she really want to lay down her bejeweled crown and retreat to a beachside cabana and live out the rest of her days with her family. Probably not. Minaj has spent most of her life trying to climb out of the pit of poverty, abuse and fear she was born into and dragging loved ones out with her. At some point along the way though, it’s like she forgot to pause, look up and realize she had not only made it out, but she is thousands of feet above the ground.

Even when she doesn’t always want to, she just keeps climbing. 

Work-Work Balance:

From being the first female artist to sign to Lil Wayne’s record label “Young Money” back in 2009, the Trinidadian-born rapper was constantly under scrutiny and forced to prove and defend herself over and over as a woman in the male-dominated music industry. But everything in life comes with a price tag. And for Nicki Minaj, her relationships often suffered the consequences. Even her beauty rest was part of the tradeoff. “I don’t even get lunch penciled in my schedule,” explained Minaj, slumped on a couch at 2 a.m., in a 2014 interview with Complex. “Sleep is out of the question—everything seems to become more important.”

Minaj has long been vocal about her desire to settle down and start a family and alluded to wanting this specifically around the time she released her fifth studio album – she has currently released four along with three compilation albums. “After the fifth, I’ll probably have my baby,” said Minaj in the Complex article. “I wonder if I’m going to be one of those women who balances my child with a career. I always said, ‘When I have my baby, it’s going to be all about my baby.’ I don’t want the child feeling like they don’t have all of my attention.” Which begs questions about Minaj’s own mother and upbringing. 

Teenage Onika Maraj. | needsomefun.net

Born in St. James, Trinidad & Tobago to part-time gospel singers Robert and Carol Maraj, the future star was given the name Onika Tanya Maraj. However, the young girl with bright eyes and dimples did not remain in the island country for long. When she was five years old, her mother had a premonition that her children were in danger of her violently abusive husband, so she sent them to spend the night at a friend’s house. That very night, Robert Maraj, a crack cocaine addict, set their family home on fire in a failed attempt to kill Carol following a dispute between the two. Soon after, Carol took Onika along with her brothers Jelani and Micaiah and fled to the Queens borough in New York City. 

They were alone and starting over their lives over in a foreign country, which meant her mother was working constantly as a nursing assistant. She must have felt lonely – looking out for her siblings and wanting her mother there. Minaj’s comment decades later about motherhood suggests that she wants her child to have a different experience. But the question is whether Minaj is even capable of not working and staying home with her kids. Watching her mother express her love for her children by working tirelessly to support them for years ingrained the same principles and discipline into Minaj. Let’s just say she did not reach the height of fame she currently enjoys because she was able to maintain a healthy work-life balance. It wasn’t just that she wanted her mother to be around more. Minaj wished she could be the one to save the family.

Minaj with her mother, Carol Maraj. | @nickiminaj, Instagram

CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP

“When I first came to America,” revealed the rapper in an interview with Rolling Stone early on in her career, “I would go in my room and kneel down at the foot of my bed and pray that God would make me rich so that I could take care of my mother. Because I always felt like if I took care of my mother, my mother wouldn’t have to stay with my father, and he was the one, at that time, that was bringing us pain. We didn’t want him around at all, and so I always felt like being rich would cure everything, and that was always what drove me.”

Lil Wayne signed Drake and Minaj to his Young Money label in 2011. | Urban Islandz.

For a five-year-old in a new country, that is a heavy burden. One she never could seem to set down. As a young teenager, she quickly discovered acting as her outlet and was accepted into the LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts. The aspiring performer began to garner a sizable fan base over the years through her mixtapes and hip-hop group “Hoodstars.” Somewhere along the way, a producer recommended remixing her name and, thus, Nicki Minaj was born.

Grinding until she was noticed by Lil Wayne, her workload only intensified from there as she sought to set herself apart from the other male artists, not only in the collective, but the greater industry as well such as Drake, Meek Mill and Gucci Mane. Her name is in circulation with Missy Elliott, Queen Latifah and Lauryn Hill as greatest female rapper of all time – the ranking order constantly changing depending on the age of the person you ask.

“Her focus was phenomenal,” said her former manager Debra Antney, CEO of Mizay Entertainment, in a Vice article published in 2014. “That bar is raised so high because of what she did and her work ethic. There wasn’t no partying, there wasn’t no drugs, there wasn’t no guys, there wasn’t none of that. Wasn’t no mess, she wasn’t on a bunch of meds, she wasn’t into drama. She worked.”

She worked and she worked and she worked. And she made it to the top. Again and again. But at what cost?

“I lost my little cousin to a senseless act of violence
His sister said, he wanted to stay with me, but I didn't invite him
Why didn't he ask, or am I just buggin'?
'Cause since I got fame, they don't act the same
Even though they know, that I love him
Family ties, broken before me, n***** tryna kill him, he ain't even call me
And that's the reflection of me, yes I get it, I get it, it was all me
I pop a pill and remember the look in his eyes, the last day he saw me.”

This heart wrenching verse comes from “All Things Go” on Minaj’s second studio album The Pinkprint which was released in 2014. Apparent throughout this album, an overwhelming sense of guilt seems to haunt Minaj as well as on several other tracks. Though her rise to stardom and sustained presence at the height of the rap world seem almost effortless as her flow, the price of success continues to bubble up.

The Marajs

Nicki (second to left) with her niece Kellise (far left) and brothers: Micaiah (second from right) and Jelani (far right)

“When you’re working and you’re busy and you’re successful, no matter what, something suffers,” said Minaj in the Complex interview. “Whether it’s your relationship with your mother, your relationship with your whole family, not being able to go to your brother’s graduation…. Certain things suffer and take the back burner, not because they’re on the back burner in your heart but because the world just moves so quickly.”

Minaj did not come up with that viewpoint and drive on her own. Whether we like it or not, whether its conscious or unconscious, children are impressed upon and molded by the actions and behaviors of their parents. From a highly impressionable age, Minaj has operated under the mindset that she must constantly perform and succeed to save her family from the horrors of her childhood.

The irony is she has had to leave them behind in order to do so.

LOVE & LOSS

As with any woman in the public eye, all of the ins and outs of Nicki Minaj’s various romantic relationships unfolded on the front pages of tabloids and on talk shows. Despite attempts to remain as private as possible, her longest known relationship with former “Hoodstar” member Samuel Safaree captivated many headlines over the 12 years they were together from cheating scandals, engagement rumors, abuse speculations and a dramatic breakup that was allegedly due to his jealousy over her more successful career.

Given her past, one may assume the woman who was forced to spend the majority of her life running from abuse and witnessing its effects on those she loves would do all that she could to avoid repeating such a relationship. But beginning her grueling career as a teenager did not leave much time for some much-needed therapy and processing. Instead, she channeled all of that pain, fear and motivation into her music allowing her to become “one of the most influential rappers of all time,” but also one who never learned how to take a break – as made evident with her failed attempt at retirement. 

There was more relationship drama afterward, which received more than enough attention in the tabloids, but eventually Minaj returned to something comfortable and familiar – childhood sweetheart Kenneth Petty. The two first met while at LaGuardia High School, and even dated for a short period of time. Minaj tweeted about their teenage romance in 2019 saying “He was on my body before the big ol’ ghetto booty. Before the fame and fortune. Fought my boyfriend cuz I wouldn’t be his girl. He was always a lil brazy. But anyway, timing is everything.”

Minaj laughing with Petty. | @nickiminaj, Instagram.

The young love didn’t last long though as they soon lost touch with Nicki following the bright, white lights to Hollywood and flashing blue and red beams traced Petty all the way to prison. Twice for an attempted rape and manslaughter. Yet, Minaj apparently saw something in him that no one else did. When they got back together, she seemed swept off her feet from the start with a few Instagram posts that could have used a “viewer discretion advised” warning – one such post included the two in a hot tub with Minaj’s pedicured toes a little too close to her boyfriend’s mouth.

“I think I have what I was striving for, just happiness,” said Minaj on her Queen Radio show referring to her relationship with now-husband Petty. “It was so hard to get to a happy place. Now that I’m there I don’t want to compromise that for anyone or anything. Certain traveling things I don’t (want to) do it. I’m just enjoying my downtime.”

It seems she had found the one. The “Anaconda” singer married her felon Prince Charming a year after they came back into each other’s lives despite widespread online criticism.

“Okay, so he’s a killer and a sex offender. Well Nicki, congratulations,” said talk show host Wendy Williams. But she had finally found someone who knew and loved Onika, not Nicki. And for Minaj, who had put aside family and close relationships for so long, maybe this was the first sign that she was trying to change.

“When a person is with a n---- that loved them before they had a dime in their pocket?” she said, according to E! News. “How do you not understand that? How do you not understand happiness versus clout?”

The retirement announcement should not have come as too much of a shock – especially not when soon after, she posted a series of pregnancy shots on her Instagram account and gave birth to her and Petty’s son on Sept. 30, 2020.

Minaj and Petty with their two-year-old son, nicknamed “Papa Bear.” | Google.

FUTURE OF MINAJ

Her latest album was a compilation containing 29 songs, 6 songs with several celebrity features, and a broken Spotify record as the first solo female rap song to gain 100 million streams with her single, “Super Freaky Girl” – all in retirement. That doesn’t seem like the traditional maternity leave. From a highly impressionable age, Minaj has operated under the mindset that she must constantly perform and succeed to save her family from the horrors of her childhood. The irony is she has had to leave them behind in order to do so. From the public perspective, however, it might seem as though she has it all and can stop worrying. But her work ethic and schedule make it pretty obvious Minaj doesn’t see it that way. 

The question is whether she’ll continue to only see two paths in front of her, going in opposite directions, – either be there for her family and drop the mic or continue to pull all-nighters in the studio and be career-obsessed. Or will she be able to create a third option, somewhere in between, some way for the Queen of Rap to finally find a state of balance, between her need for self-expression and her desire to be present with her loved ones. The switch from years of touring, recording, and single-handedly revitalizing the female rap game to motherhood does not take place overnight. It may seem solely like a personal choice, where Minaj may have to come face-to-face with her younger self and all she endured – maybe with a therapist too. But it also might be the reality of a rap audience with a voracious appetite that hasn’t always been kind to its female stars. 

However, based on her latest career announcement, it doesn’t seem as though she see what’s behind door #3. She revealed during a discussion with Joe Budden last March that she is seeking to further expand her empire by building her own management and record company. After the release of her fifth studio album, of course. Just as she’s always expressed love for her family through unending work and financial support, this new conquest may be Minaj loving her child, and any more that may come, the only way she knows how. She is hell-bent on leaving her (Pink) print on the music industry and a legacy that will sustain and protect her family for the years to come.

But what will the cost be? In the interview with Complex, when was asked what her biggest fear was, she admitted “that I’ll become so consumed with work that I’ll forget to live my personal life to the fullest.”

Challenge Accepted: Conquering My F.O.M.O In Two Weeks

A Personal Essay

It’s Thursday night, the final push to Friday. I am sitting on the couch, fingers poised above my laptop prepared to tackle the assignments looming over me, when my roommate plops herself down on the cushion next to me. “You’re going to Jay’s tonight, right?” This is our routine, our tradition. We ask each other this question every Thursday, and I can see the confusion in her face when I deviate from the script and say “no.” When the rest of my girlfriends arrive, I break the news once again. “Are you feeling okay?” they ask. Or “C’mon! You need a break. Let’s go out!” And “What if I buy your drinks?” Eventually they give up and leave me to my work. I applaud myself for committing to my plans, but the sounds of pop music and bits and pieces of stray gossip floating from the bathroom cause a niggling feeling.

An hour and change later, my girlfriends emerge, glammed-out with curled hair, sexy outfits, and killer makeup. Registering the sinking feeling in my stomach, I realize that they are definitely going to have a great time... without me. As they sashay out the door, I am promised that drinks will be “poured out for me” and that I’ll get “all the deets” in the morning. For the rest of the night, I try to work. But instead, most of the time, I sit, phone in hand, scrolling through my girlfriends’ Instagram posts and Snapchat stories wishing that I was there too. The work I’ve stayed home to do remains strewn across the coffee table, untouched. But that failure gives me an idea.

Looking back, the pandemic has taken a lot of things away– our beloved routines, favorite hobbies, our loved ones and friends. However, the one positive was that it also took away FOMO. No one was doing anything, and I rejoiced in the loss of its presence. Now, as the world slowly awakens from its slumber, so does the fear of missing out. With FOMO back and stronger than ever, I make the decision to face it head-on. I embarked on an experiment for us all... I’m going to sit out of every plan for two weeks and see if I can use the best psychological science I can find to fight it for good.

A notification pings on my phone: girls’ brunch in 30? i need a mimosa and weekend debrief ASAP. My roommate pokes her head out of our shared room, summoning me to get ready. “I think the girls are going to meet us here and then we’ll all drive together. “We need to get dressed!” Shaking my head, I remind her that I am sitting this one, the next and the one after that, out. “You were serious about that? Grace, two weeks is so long! You’re going to die!” she says. Mentally, I am (very sarcastically) thanking her for her vote of confidence. After a few minutes of outfit changes, coaxing, and questioning, my roommate declares herself ready to go. Suddenly, the apartment is much quieter than it was minutes before.

Knowing that I should get ahead of the impending FOMO, I hear my mother’s voice in my head “You just need to clear your mind, Grace. Maybe do some yoga or meditation?” Hmm…what could it hurt? It’s true. According to psychologist and author Dr. Jean Twenge, meditation can help chase away intrusive feelings and anxiety. Computer and yoga mat in hand, I set up on my balcony, searching YouTube for a guided meditation video. I’m skeptical of how successful this attempt will be but closed my eyes and listen to the flute music in the background. At first it’s awkward, and I keep opening one eye to ensure I don’t have an audience. But, once I feel content with my privacy, I force myself to focus on the voice of the instructor.

The sun warms my cheeks as I sit in a cross-legged position on my balcony. “One deep breath in... and out,” she narrates. “Feel the relaxation flow through your body.” The crisp fall air fills my lungs and the sounds of birdsong floats up to my perch. All my worries seem to slip away. I allow myself to be led through breathing exercises and mindfulness reminders, I have no idea what I’m doing, mind you. But also, I’ll admit that the time’s dragging. The video just won’t end. Twenty minutes pass. Then 30. Then an hour. The front door opens as my roommate arrives back home. She sees me in an askew child’s pose and laughs. I laugh at myself too. Well, I think, at least I’ve managed to keep myself occupied. Right away, we start dishing about what happened.

As my experiment continues, I make steady progress.

It's one of those nights, where the workload is almost too much to bear, and a much-needed study session is desperately required. My girlfriends must feel the same way, and I receive a text inviting me to a sushi and study get-together. Despite my desperate need to catch up on all that I’ve missed, I stay home. While working with my group of friends usually lightens the atmosphere, in all honesty, very little work actually gets done. None of my work would get done, at least, not tonight. Resolving to not let FOMO dominate my evening, I resolve to create myself an incredibly detailed to-do list. One that allows absolutely no room for me to think about what my friends were up to.

I break out my rubber gloves and throw myself into a cleaning frenzy. I scrub corners and crevasses of the kitchen that, I am sure, have been covered in grime longer than the time I've lived here. I scavenge the apartment for dirty cups and dishes, why use the dishwasher when I’ve got a perfectly good set of hands? The mountain of laundry I had been so keen to avoid suddenly had an appeal I could not explain. Up and down the flight of stairs I go, washing everything from pillowcases to dishrags. By the end of the night, the apartment reeks of cleaning products and everything within it sparkles.

Let's get this straight. I am not a slob by any means, but you’ll never find me vacuuming for fun. Yet, instead of feeling satisfied by my hard work, I just feel exhausted and wish I was sitting around a table eating sushi with my friends. Maybe I’m missing the whole point of this experiment? The FOMO caught up with me anyway, no matter how hard I tried to keep myself distracted. 

But all hope is not lost. There was one night where I did have some success. It’s Thursday and typically “Friday-eve” is cause to celebrate. Barhopping is a tradition amongst my friend group, bouncing between Jay’s Sports bar to Brock’s, Spirits, Castiglias and Billikens all in one night. While I don’t look forward to spending the night alone, my bank account weeps tears of joy. I make the decision to celebrate the nearing weekend in a different way and treat myself to all the little pleasures I am usually too busy for.

I hum along to my favorite indie-rock playlist and set out to uncover my stash of bubble solutions. I draw myself a hot bath, my favorite scent “Coconut Splash” fills the air. Dimming the lights and setting out a few candles, I am transported away to a happy place.

When I am thoroughly wrinkled, I drain my oasis, put on my favorite pair of silk pajamas and put in a call for Chinese takeout. Awaiting the arrival of my much anticipated lo mein and veggie rolls, I break out my nail polish collection and paint my nails a happy and bold neon yellow. 30 minutes later, when I am buffed, polished and manicured, my dinner arrives. Wielding chopsticks in one hand and the TV remote in the other, I snuggle into the couch and flip on “Unsolved Mysteries,” a crime docu-series that has been sitting in my to-watch list for a number of weeks. I lose myself in noodles and suspense.

Two hours later, when I finished my series, I sit out on the balcony to feel the night breeze and chat with my family on the phone. I crawl into bed earlier than I have for the past couple of Thursdays feeling happy and content. 

I typically avoid spending so much time alone, but tonight, I genuinely enjoyed being by myself. At the beginning of the night, I was terrified that FOMO would sneak up on me. The knowledge that something major would happen, like it always does, and I wouldn’t be there for it made me feel uneasy. Is it because I find my own life so monotonous that I rely on my friends as a source of excitement? Or is it because I usually act as designated mediator when we are out? I fall asleep enjoying my success but puzzled by it.

Friday night rolls around, and my girlfriends are sticking to our typical schedule. The going out routine begins as early as 7 o’clock, my friends gather in my apartment to discuss their plans, outfits and conquests for the night over a few glasses of wine. As the night progresses, drinks flow, music from the speaker in our kitchen gets louder and the pile of discarded outfits grows to the size of a small mountain. When the girls are properly tipsy and satisfied with their Friday night looks, I put on my happy face, tell them to have the best time and that I can’t wait to hear all about their adventures when they get back.

The second that my group of hair sprayed, high heeled girlfriends file through the door, I reach for my phone. Holding my thumb down on the power button and giving my screen a decisive swipe right, I power my phone off. A week prior to this experiment I downloaded an ebook copy of “Generation Me,” which proposed a theory why my generation is “more miserable than ever.” Apparently, it all boils down to one thing… social media. So I’ll just turn off my phone. Seemed an easy enough solution at the time. Now, here I am, awaiting to be freed from the temptation to scroll through Snapchat stories documenting flashing multicolored lights, dancing, sweaty bodies, and mirror selfies. It never happens. I catch myself constantly glancing over at my phone that sits silently on my bedroom desk.

I attempt to fight my temptation with distraction. I turn on Netflix and search for a show, letting myself be sucked into the unsolved mysteries of the “Cold Case Files.”  I make it through the night, having no idea that the real challenge would be battling my feelings as the girls arrive home and begin to recap their night. “OMG our Uber got lost on the way home… I thought we were getting kidnapped!” “Did you see the guy in the red flannel? SO hot.” “That last green tea shot was such a bad idea, I feel like I’m going to puke.” Stories of drunken decisions, descriptions of cute guys and silly drama made me realize that I’ve not avoided FOMO but merely delayed it.

The experiment continues and I am sitting out of my routine trip to the farmer’s market downtown with the girls. Disappointed I am missing out on my favorite day of the week, I am determined to get myself out of the apartment to enjoy the beautiful weather and sunny sky, albeit by myself. I fill up my water bottle and double knot my running shoes. Working out has never been a distraction for me, rather an effort to stay in shape. But, looking at it through a new lens, I see it as an opportunity to escape. 

I run, feet barely kissing the ground. Perhaps a little while ago I would have balked at the idea of running so far and fast, now I relish the prospect. Up and down the sidewalks I run, admiring the quaint colonial houses and laughing at the children playing in their front yards. Stopping to pet a dog or two, I set my course for the park. Rock music blasts in my ears and sweat runs down my forehead. But the harder I run, the noisier my brain gets. I slam my feet into the sidewalk, allowing myself to feel all my emotions. I am angry. I am lonely. I am not okay with this. Why did I do this damn thing? I sweat and huff out my negative feelings, a change from my normal emotional denial. It feels terrible, but as I slow my pace, arriving at my destination, I feel, oddly, a sense of peace.

I am sweaty and exhausted from both the run and emotional cleaning. But my foul mood has made a total 360. The effect is almost magical: instead of berating myself for being upset and refusing to let myself understand why, pounding the pavement gave me emotional release and the ability to calm my mind. I take the return trip at a more leisurely pace and by a different route. I arrive home feeling tired but fulfilled.

All of my past efforts focused on staving off FOMO rather than feeling it and dealing with it. I need to sit with my feelings, let them overwhelm me a little, comfort myself. Explore what they're about. This is the only healthy way I'll ever learn to be with myself. I don't need to run from FOMO. I need to let myself have it and be okay with it.

By the end of my two week-long challenge, I lacked confidence in my success and felt confused by what I had learned throughout the duration of my experiment. I approached this challenge expecting to discover a straightforward solution: by doing “x” or “y” I was able to get over my FOMO. Despite my efforts, my “solutions” were really only ever distractions. What I learned was disheartening, so here is the honest truth. FOMO really can’t be done away with, at least not permanently.

But in the months after, I found that this investigation was more complicated and required me to not only continue to sit with my honest emotions but to reflect on my experiences in the weeks following its conclusion.

I am truthful with myself, and ask the hard questions like “why am I feeling this way?” or “what is this really stemming from?” I recall the silence of my childhood home. Both my parents worked full-time jobs, my dad’s unconventional work schedule forcing him to leave in the early hours of the morning and return home late at night. While my mom worked a typical 9 to 5, five p.m. always turned into 6 p.m., which bled into 7. My built-in companion, my brother, has always had an active social life and, once old enough, consistently hijacked our shared car to experience his newfound freedom. My feelings were akin to imposter syndrome, and I felt like I didn’t contribute anything to our family structure and wasn’t needed. This feeling has translated into my other relationships, feeling as if I need to prove my worth or “funness” within my friend groups. As an adult, I’ve been able to address my insecurities and realize that my family and friends do value me. It was one thing to go out to cover up my feelings of insecurity and another to do it because I want to.

Now, rather than feeling like my experiment has been a failure, it finally occurred to me that I have reached a level of inner understanding.Now, for me, FOMO has morphed into something else: learning to move on.

From The Bullet, to The Blue & Gray, to The Weekly Ringer

by Josephine Johnson, Mason Godek, Abigail Slaughter, & Jess Kirby

UMW’s student newspaper has been through a lot since its inception in 1922. Join us as we take you through the newspaper’s three-part history.

Chapter 1: The Bullet, 1922-2014

Chapter 2: The Blue & Gray Press, 2014-2021

Chapter 3: The Weekly Ringer, 2021-Present

Chapter 1: The Bullet, 1922-2014

by Josephine Johnson & Mason Godek

It really just looked like some boring old paper rotting in the bottom of a filing cabinet, meant to be thrown away a long time ago. At first glance, the layout seems less like a newspaper and more like an old play no one ever took interest in reading. However, that boring old document represents a beginning, the first of many exciting, scary and downright ridiculous chapters in the story of the University of Mary Washington. 

Mary Washington College’s ‘The Bullet’ was first published in 1921. Look at her: so bland, not a drop of color on that page, and photographs are nowhere to be found. 

This is the third edition of The Bullet, and the first recorded by the UMW Archives.

Now, this is really where Facetune comes in, colorizing her ink, brightening up her pages and giving her that fresh “we’ve really come a long way” glow.

This is the first edition of The Blue & Gray Press found in the archive.

The 1920s

This is a Jan. 1, 1929, edition of The Bullet with the majority of the front page welcoming the new University President.

“The Bullet: Published every month during college year by the students of Fredericksburg State Normal School.”

For whatever reason, the first two editions of the paper published in 1921 cannot be located; there’s either a vault Special Collections isn’t telling us about, or they just got lost in the shuffle with the Roaring 20’s . 

Back then, a subscription to the college newspaper was 50 cents per year, which in today’s money would be just under $7, which isn’t even the cost of some menu items at Panera.

The average monthly–not weekly– edition of the paper would consist of Alumni news, Student Government Association’s constitution, advertisements for local businesses, news, style and athletics. In 1922, by the second year of publication, we up our game a little bit: The Bullet began publishing pictures in some articles.

The paper also covered a lot of smaller Mary Washington College happenings.

Here’s where we get lost again: UMW’s archive does not have issues of The Bullet from most of the years 1923 - 1928. According to the UMW Archives, The Bullet ceased publication at the end of the 1923-1924 academic year and did not publish again until 1927. 

The archive has not located any copies from 1921, 1924 or 1927.

This is a copy of a front page not present in the archives from 1923 that was used to represent The Bullet in the school’s yearbook, The Battlefield. The women pictured were the staff members of The Bullet.

The 1930s

This is the first edition from the 1930s found in the archive.

Finally: satanic-esque images. For whatever reason, The Bullet really got into the Devil-Goat dichotomy (students graduating in an odd-numbered were devils, and those graduating in an even-numbered year were goats)

Publication was changed from monthly to biweekly in 1930, at the same time the subscription price changed to $1 a year–it was the Great Depression; people had to make their money somehow 

This issue had quite the interesting joke column, with gems such as “Loudspeakers should be bought, not married.” “‘Gentlemen prefer blondes.’” “It is said the ‘flu’ is more likely to attack brunettes than blondes.” Writers seemed to begin to find their voices–at least their satirical voices, that is.

This is a comic printed on the front page of a 1931 edition.

The yearly April Fools edition of the newspaper has been a staple since very early on in publication.

The April Fools edition of 1938 includes a section called “Sputter Bits” dedicated to roasting people.

The April Fools edition of the paper further cemented humor into The Bullet’s history, with roasts, jokes and satire throughout.

The 1940s

Jan. 12, 1940 edition of the paper featured a ‘Slang Department.’ “Campus glamor boy–male with $5; campus glamor girl–co-ed with a late model car.”

During World War II, The Bullet has some references to the global news, but the top stories typically don’t mention the war–maybe because most of the student body didn’t fight.

A comic alluding to the war in a May 1, 1944, edition.

An advertisement for war bonds in a May 1, 1944, edition.

However, in May of 1945, The Bullet published the story “Friedlind Wagner Tells Experiences in Nazi Germany.” Wagner had spoken at Mary Washington College about her life and growing up with Adolf Hitler.

“Miss Wagner knew Hitler from the time that she was five years old until her outspoken opposition to Nazi doctrines forced her to in 1937 flee her home in Bayreuth, where for many years her family had supervised the great Wagner music festivals.”

The 1950s

The 1950’s: what a decade– cigarette ads and the Cold War.

Most, if not all issues of The Bullet around the late 1940s to 1950s feature multiple cigarette advertisements, something that is frowned upon in the modern day.

The 1960s

A Jan. 1960 edition of The Bullet.

The Bullet published student opinions as well as some global news during the Vietnam war as well, with one letter written by students making its way to the Oval Office.

Two articles were published in the same Jan. 9, 1967, edition of The Bullet directly relating to the Vietnam War. One was less centric to Mary Washington College regarding a letter sent to President Johnson protesting the Vietnam War. The other covers a poll of Mary Washington College students and concludes that the majority are in favor of the war.

1970’s

Bullet during the mid 70’s.

As seen above The Bullet in the 70’s kept its older look using title font that would make a calligraphy enthusiast blush. This era of the paper saw the addition of male writers to the newspaper as Mary Washington College changed to a co-educational school. 

The 70’s featured its fair share of local advertisements as well as the beginning to what I dub as “The Keg Era” where mentions of Mary Washington student-sponsored events called Keggers provided students with the latest in keg (full of alcohol I’m sure) technology with a clothing twist (much like Hawaiian night or formal clothing).

The Newspaper was in a similar format to most issues of older papers with news, viewpoints, sports and life sections with even a crossword here and there.

As far as controversy goes for the 70’s the Bullet had it’s shortage of such. Except for one story that took up a majority of the Bullet’s pages. This incident, known as the “Westmoreland Four” was an incident in which four male students who resided in the dorm known as Westmoreland Hall were subjected to unfair treatment by school administration and building presidents alike. The men were assumed guilty on counts of vandalism (to be discovered that it was not actual them) and excessive noise in the dorm. The incident offered questioning of the judicial process carried out by the school as the four men were given a hearing rather than a judicial trial as stated in the student hand book at the time.

This is an interview with President Woodard regarding the incident. He seemed to be rather annoyed during the interview, however, text can only reflect so much emotion.

Rather the administration saw it fit to have President Woodard address it directly other than the student council as the process would be quicker with students on council were away at the time.

The Student Government was called into question by its electors  as students felt no effort was put into assisting the students' rights and petitioned for a new president as a result but never resulted in anything. 

The four men felt as though they were guilty before the trial even began.

1980’s

January 29, 1985, this was the regular front page format The Bullet followed throughout the 80’s.

Throughout the 80’s, many Bullet writers became political once again, commenting on the communist conflict America was facing at the time.

April 1st, 1980, The Bullet uses satire to, I believe, attack the government in some way. Yet, the article just kind of comes off as racist and not comedic.

However, the 80’s was prime for “The Keg Era” as around the end of each semester throughout the decade brought upon new drunken foolishness that was posted in the paper. 

David Greer writes an article about his drunken experience at Mary Washington, thoroughly describing his hungover state of well-being. January 28, 1986.

1990’s 

According to The Blue & Grey Press style handbook, the paper began to change around 1990 when it came into new leadership. The goal was to bring forth more serious journalism throughout the rest of the paper’s tenure.

The Bullet layout for most of the 90’s. January 19, 1995.

The 1990’s yielded an interesting time for the college. Crime rose, and so did the number of stories on more serious issues, like crime reports and people’s stances on social issues.

‘Negative News’ article, shows serious tone The Bullet changed to as Steve Watkins took over. One student was concerned with the serious tone. February 11, 1999.

Sections in the paper for the 90’s include front page news, opinions, entertainment, sports and features. 

Keyonia Yeats is charged with petty larceny, credit card fraud and credit card theft. February 16, 1995.

2000’s to Name Change

According to The Blue & Gray Press style book, the paper garnered a more positive reputation in terms of article quality, and it gave other papers a run for their money The paper won awards from the Society of Professional Journalists and Virginia Press association in the early 2000’s.

Oh! They still include crosswords at this point as well (RIP to the crosswords).

October 2, 2009. Layout for The Bullet towards the end of the decade. Already on the front page one can see in the increasingly serious tone of the paper.

Now having the full picture, would someone know where the next chapter in this saga will lead? Definitely not. I’ll give you a hint: someone takes the satire readers seemed to love a little too far.

Chapter 2: The Blue & Gray Press, 2014-2021

by Abigail Slaughter

2014 marked the end of an era for The Bullet, the University of Mary Washington’s newspaper. After decades of being called “The Bullet”, the newspaper was renamed “The Blue and Gray Press”, marking the end of an era for the publication and the beginning of an effort to change its image. 

Alison Thoet, the paper’s former editor-in-chief, led the renaming campaign alongside two other former head editors--Mariah Young, former managing editor, and Jonathan Polson, former associate editor.

[Image description: This is a News article about a town hall discussing Greek life.]

The newspaper staff thought the newspaper needed to change its image. By the mid-2010’s, known by many Gen “X”s as the Great Recession, the newspaper had been called The Bullet since the Great Depression. UMW had changed a lot over the years, so why not follow suit?

“We were doing a really big refresh of the newspaper. We got a new website, done by Laura [Hanks] (formerly known as Laura Brumfield), changed the paper size to tabloid size... we were refreshing everything,” said Hope Racine, former news editor of the paper. She figured that a new name would go along with it.

[Image description: This is an image of Hope Racine, former news editor. / Twitter]

However, there was another reason for a name change. Here’s a hint: sex.

---

What about sex?

Sexclamations, a small column typically published on the third or fifth page of the paper, was dedicated to discussing sex and other mature content in a less-than-subtle way.

The section had published uncomfortable content before, like, “To Shave or Not to Shave? That is the Question for Both the Girls and Guys” about shaving pubic hair and “As Weather Warms, Temptation Strikes” about outdoor sex. However, The Bullet’s section of Sexclamations published on March 17th, 2011 took it much farther. 

The Bullet published a brief article titled “Warm Weather Brings Short Skirts and ‘Ogling’ Eyes.” (ogling is a term used to describe men’s intense gazing at women and gawking at their features in a creepy way). Just after the title, there it was– Page 3 of the paper: “When women make the decision to wear their summer clothes, they are perpetuating a terrible, lecherous problem that they usually complain about called the ‘ogling conundrum’.” Yikes.

[Image description: This is an image of the March 17th, 2011 article published in the Sexclamations section.]

Although the article was intended to be satire, it was too late–some members of the student body were not happy.

In the following week’s column, some students shared their opinions offering their mixed, but mostly negative reviews of the previous week’s publication. In a Letter to the Editor, Courtney Turney, a UMW sophomore at the time, said “Stop objectifying the female body” and was disappointed by the content of the article, stating it is normal for women to wear less clothes when the weather gets warmer.

The backlash that the column received made it to the Free Lance Star, a local newspaper in Fredericksburg, Virginia. The Free Lance Star’s Jeff Branscome discussed some UMW students’ criticism of the article, some of which included that the column was using rhetoric that is often used when discussing sexual assault–the unfair question of “What was she wearing?” still asked in our sexual assault discourse today.

Additionally, with the article came the creation of a forum called “Blaming Women” that would discuss the column.

Racine feels that instances of controversy like these, “stuck in the student population’s mind”, one of the major reasons for the editorial staff wanting to start fresh. It was the beginning of the end for that section and, whether the then editing staff knew it or not, The Bullet as a newspaper.

According to Racine, what she called “shoddy journalism” that some editorial staff wanted the paper to distance itself from also played a part in the decision to rename. Although she didn’t go into heavy detail, she made it clear that some editors made some poor reporting decisions over the years, and the occasional person calling out an article for something small because they don’t understand what a newspaper does compounded the worsening of The Bullet’s reputation. . Someone’s always got an opinion.

---

Two sides of the same rusty coin

How does the song go? “You can change your hair, and you can change your clothes/ You can change your mind, that’s just the way it goes/ You can say ‘goodbye’ and you can say ‘hello’/ But you’ll always find your way back home”? It’s that one Hannah Montana song from childhood that periodically pops into my head, and I think it perfectly sums up the challenges that come with rebranding.

The Disney Channel pop star is right!--hear me out. Even if someone changes everything about how they look, it can be very difficult to truly change their identity and set themselves apart from their past self. This is exactly what happened with The Bullet--it is easier said than done. 

“There were a lot of hard conversations about our decision making process, concerning what it would mean to alumni and the student body if we changed the name, and what it meant for the paper moving forward,” said Young. 

The name “The Bullet” was deeply intertwined with the history of Fredericksburg as a city, and that city loves their Civil War history. Driving along Route 3, just west of Central Park, there is a statue of a Confederate soldier that towers over the road and there are four Civil War monuments within a 1.5-mile radius. Even on the University of Mary Washington campus, there is a war plaque near Combs Hall.

“The Bullet” followed this same pattern of commemoration of the Civil War by the community at large, yet oddly enough, the editorial staff settled on the name “The Blue and Gray Press”, two colors often associated with the Civil War, more specifically the Confederacy. 

The newspaper faced pushback from alumni. Will Copps, former editor-in-chief of the school newspaper during “The Bullet” era, did not like the new name. 

[Image description: This is an image of Will Copps, former editor-in-chief of the Bullet before the 2014 renaming campaign. / Kennedy Center]

“I thought the B&G decision and corresponding association with the confederacy was really strange honestly, even accounting for the history of the city,” said Copps. “It was weird to pick something arguably as or more offensive.”

Copps doesn’t think that the war is all the riverside city has to offer, and he’s right; it’s not all cannons, Civil War collectibles at antique stores, “Civil War this” and “Civil War that”. The new name was just another side of the same rusty coin.

---

Trust the process? 

The newspaper decided to change their image and start fresh by leaving behind the old name and controversy of years past. The Blue and Gray Press was to be an homage to the colors of the university.

Lauren Hanks, former acting online editor for the newspaper, said that for a few years after renaming to the Blue and Gray Press, students still wouldn’t even refer to the newspaper by its new name, making it hard to solidify their new image on campus. Maybe students still wanted a little bit of *spice* in their school publication–they used to have jokes and a sex column to look forward to, and the renaming campaign brought seriousness and “Weekend Weather” to the front page.

[Image description: This is an image of Lauren Hanks (formerly known as Lauren Brumfield), former acting online editor. / laurenhanks.com]

“In retrospect, and knowing what I know now about brand changes in general: they take time. People still referred to the paper as The Bullet years after we had changed to The Blue & Gray Press,” said Hanks. 

Each couple of years, the entire newspaper staff sets off in different post-graduate directions, but the 2014 staff left a renaming roadmap for future staff to follow.

The Blue and Gray Press existed for about seven years, and then the newspaper staff saw an opportunity for change.

How did that go? You tell me–the newspaper no longer goes by that name.

Chapter 3: The Weekly Ringer, 2021-Present

by Jess Kirby & Mason Godek

0:00

Jess: Hey there. Welcome to Chapter Three of a three-part series where we talk about the history of UMW's student newspaper, the 2014 renaming campaign from The Bullet to The Blue & Gray Press and the current renaming process from The Blue & Gray to The Weekly Ringer. I'm Jess Kirby, I'm the editor-in-chief of the Blue & Gray Press/Weekly Ringer. And here for you all is Chapter Three.

So to start off, I want to play an excerpt from The Blue & Gray Podcast, which is the podcast that our faculty advisor Sushma Subramanian records every Monday that we meet as a class. So this was the day that all of our staff writers and photographers found out about the renaming.

0:48

Sushma: Next, the newspaper staff's decision to change the name of our newspaper. So let's hear what the new name is.

0:59

Jess: So starting January of 2022, The Blue & Gray Press will now be called The Weekly Ringer. And it's named after our school's bell tower, which is a big landmark for the University of Mary Washington. And we've been wanting to rename for a few years now because of the history of the colors blue and gray tied to the Civil War. And we just thought that with our centennial edition coming up in January, now is the perfect time to rename and come out as a brand new paper, but also tied to our 100 year history at UMW.

The “Wall of Wonders” holds quotes that have graced our ears in the Clubhouse over the past few years.

1:38

Sushma: That's interesting. So how long has The Blue & Gray Press been the name of the newspaper?

1:45

Jess: We renamed from The Bullet to The Blue & Gray Press in 2014 after there were some shaky relations between the student body and the newspaper. So they came out wanting to rebrand and they said that they chose the name for three reasons. One is that blue and gray are the colors of UMW. The second reason is our proximity to the Blue and Gray Parkway. And the third reason is to pay homage to the Civil War history of Fredericksburg. And we while we acknowledge that Fredericksburg does have a Civil War history, we kind of want to move away from that.

2:26

Sushma: And so you've been talking about doing this for a couple years. So what kind of held things off until now?

2:32

Jess: I think that with COVID, we were kind of, I wouldn't say struggling as a paper. But it was really hard to keep the newspaper up and running during the COVID pandemic, there were a lot of factors like for two semesters, we were pretty much completely online. And then we issued or we ushered in a new staff. And we were kind of scrambling to try and learn the ropes and get back into a print edition for the spring of 2021. And then we kind of had a staff meeting earlier this fall 2021 semester, and we were like, well, I think there's a lot of interest in renaming. So we are kind of motivated by the centennial edition coming up.

3:22

Sushma: And what exactly goes into a renaming, like what are all the things that will change? Like will there be a new logo?

3:30

Jess: So I wanted to actually talk a little bit about this. Because The Weekly Ringer is kind of a vague, or it can be a vague name, we want to include a logo of the bell tower on our masthead of the front page of the newspaper. So we're actually going to be talking about a graphic design contest. And I hope that a lot of our staff writers and photographers and club writers will participate in that so that we can choose like a new logo for our newspaper. But we'll also be we have to redesign our website, we have to redesign our entire print edition. And we just have to get the word out that we're not The Blue & Gray Press anymore. And we have to accomplish this all between November and January.

Sometimes the editors take a break at layout or hang out in the Clubhouse and draw with crayons, as any adult naturally would.

4:22

Sushma: Well, still that's exciting. What are the other names that you were tossing around?

4:29

Jess: We ended up voting between The Mary Wash Post and The Weekly Ringer. And there were some other names like The Tower Times or ... The Bird's Eye, The Eagle's Wing, stuff like that. But I I felt particularly passionate about The Weekly Ringer because of the history of the name. Because the history of bell towers is that you would ring the bell when there was news, so I think that that has a special tie to not only history but UMW as well.

5:09

Sushma: And was this a unanimous decision? Do other editors want to say something about it?

5:14

Jess: So this is Bernadette D'Auria, one of our associate editors.

5:19

Bernadette: Hi, I know that I voted for The Weekly Ringer as well. I don't think everybody but I believe most people on the staff decided on The Weekly Ringer and we went through like different rounds of picking out the names and like narrowing it down to the ones that we wanted the most. So it just came down to those final two and a majority of the staff pick The Weekly Ringer.

5:41

Jess: This is Scotti Mullen, one of our news editors.

5:44

Scotti: I think it's a good idea to rebrand, especially based on what the name means and everything. So I'm for it, I think it has a lot of potential and it will be cute. And it's something that can stay and seems far more unproblematic than The Bullet or The Blue & Gray. So hopefully that stays.

6:06

Jess: And this is Norah Walsh, our viewpoints editor.

6:09

Norah: Our process of renaming, we also looked at different school newspapers at other schools. And so like William and Mary, for example, has The Flat Hat. And that has some historical connotation; they're very colonial at their school. So because of like, it's Williamsburg. So when I was we were thinking about renaming and stuff, it was like, okay, so what represents our school the best. And so we looked at landmarks on campus, you know, different names of influential people. And so that's what ultimately led to looking at the Bell Tower and seeing like, what names we could we have that kind of includes the imagery of a bell tower.

6:44

Jess: I also think that seeing names like The Flat Hat kind of gave us permission to be a little bit more creative than like, you have like the Yale Daily News, which is, I mean, obviously, that's an amazing newspaper. But we kind of wanted to do something a little bit different, but also very representative of our school and of our newspaper. And here's our copy editor, Abigail Slaughter.

7:11

Abigail: Yeah, and one thing that was kind of funny with this naming process was that I remember distinctly in one of the meetings we had, there was a name, I think it was one of the name suggestions, it was The Eagle Eye or something along the lines of that. And I what popped in my head was the tuna brand, like Bird's Eye. So we were also trying to think about like, what, what pops into people's heads when they hear this. And I feel like with The Weekly Ringer, the either the bell tower will pop into someone's head or campus walk or, you know, they afternoon chime that people hear so we wanted to keep that in mind as well.

An endearing yet slightly creepy collection of Jess portraits that some of the editors drew without Jess’ knowledge hangs in the Clubhouse.

7:50

Jess: So right now I'm sitting in the clubhouse with our lovely copy editor, Abigail Slaughter, who wrote chapter two for you. So Abby, I first brought up the hypothetical possibility of renaming at one of our weekly meetings at the beginning of the fall semester. And we had a discussion about it, and about what the name The Blue & Gray means and how that comes across. And then I asked everyone offhandedly, how many people would be interested in renaming and at least half of our staff raise their hand. So what was your initial reaction when we brought that up?

8:32

Abigail: So it was kind of I was curious at first. When it was first brought up, I was a little bit surprised, I hadn't really thought about the history of the name, because I had just started writing for the paper as copy editor. And then when I had learned kind of just not only hanging around the other newspaper staff, but kind of just exploring a little bit of the clubhouse where we do layout and looking through some of the old papers and photos, that there was a recent a pretty recent rebranding campaign as well. We like to call a renaming due to the kind of semi bad reputation that the word rebranding has on campus nowadays.

9:15

Jess: So in case you don't go to UMW, or you do and you just live under a rock, UMW just spent about $500,000 to rebrand the university, but it was not very well received by the student body.

9:32

Abigail: But yeah, I learned that in 2014, the former staff of the newspaper had changed the name from The Bullet to The Blue & Gray Press. So that kind of got some gears turning and me thinking, oh, well, I'm kind of curious about what we did before just to see kind of how this process goes. And just, you know, learn a little bit more. So Jess tell me about how you came up with this idea to rename the newspaper?

10:00

Jess: Well, I didn't exactly come up with the idea. Our former editor-in-chief Kate Seltzer had offhandedly mentioned it to us at one of our layout nights. Then over the summer, I was interviewing one of my former high school teachers for a story I was doing for my local newspaper. And I was telling him about my life and what I do at The Blue & Gray and he, he said, wait, your name is The Blue & Gray Press? And I said, Yes. And he just kind of shook his head. We represent a pretty liberal university. So it's just this disconnect, I think between kind of representing a history that we're all very uncomfortable with and don't want to celebrate. And just what message are we sending? So that kind of put the idea in my head, like, I'm ashamed of our name, and I wanted to do something about it.

So I'm also here with our news editor, Josephine Johnson. And she was also at that meeting, when I first brought up the possibility of renaming. So Josie, what were your initial thoughts about that?

11:15

Josephine: Well, originally, I thought I liked the name we had until I found out what it actually represented. I remember before you were even editor-in-chief, we had talked about it. And we even talked about how we liked this name, or until we realized, so I really like the idea of changing it. I want us to be able to report on all sorts of things representing all sorts of people without any ties to the Civil War, or anything like that, even if it's representing both sides, because, well, it's the Civil War.

11:48

Jess: Yeah, I absolutely agree with that. I'm so sad because I've written for The Blue & Gray Press almost every semester that I've been here at UMW. I love the name, I was planning on getting B&G tattooed on my body. I just am so proud of this newspaper. But our name does not reflect what we do here. And I want to move us forward into a name that we can be proud of as much as we're proud of the work we do and our newspaper.

12:27

Jess: So now that we've gone over a little bit of the whats and the whys of the renaming, I want to take you to the staff meeting where we officially decided to become The Weekly Ringer. So here's our staff meeting from Sunday, Nov. 7.

So right now, we have a few different name options. But does anybody have any that they did not put in the Google Form that I should include on here?

So just to kind of set the scene for you all, pretty much all of the editors came to the clubhouse that night. Our clubhouse is this very old, brick house-looking building located in the middle of the UMW Apartments off William Street. And even though there's some questionable water coming out of our fountain, and there's just so many bugs and spider webs, we've really tried to make it our own. There are 13 of us officially. So I think 11 of us were in person, and two of us were on Zoom. And normally we are never ever all in the same room together just because of COVID. And it was a really incredible night at least for me just to kind of see everybody together and to have a lot of laughs and of course make this really important decision.

So the options that we have are The Eagle's Wing, The Bird's Eye, The Mary Wash Post, The Weekly Ringer, The Tower Chimes, and The Afternoon Chime. I'm sending the link ...

14:17

Jo: You got it girl.

14:17

Jess: But basically just vote for all of the names that you like this time. So here I just gave everyone a few minutes to fill out the Google Form and pick their favorite names. Alright, so tied for first place with 10 votes is The Mary Wash Post and The Weekly Ringer. So for whoever suggested The Mary Wash Post, would that be The Mary Washington Post or The Mary Wash Post? Our sports editor Tori ended up being the one who suggested that name and she said it would be The Mary Wash Post instead of The Mary Washington Post. Okay, sounds good.

(Background chatter)

15:03

Jess: So then in second place with seven votes, we have The Bird's Eye, everything else got five votes or less, so I'm just going to put those three on the next round. You all are going to vote for your one option.

So at this point, I was getting a little bit nervous because for about a month, I was absolutely set on The Weekly Ringer before we even voted for it. I came up with the name, I was in love with the name. And I was getting a little nervous that it was tied with The Mary Wash Post. So I had a little interruption before we voted the last time to just explain my thought process behind the name.

So before we go through with this, I just want to say that if we do The Weekly Ringer, we can have a bell tower logo in the middle of weekly and ringer. And that's when the original history of bell towers is that they were made to notify people when there was news. So it has that extra meaning.

16:15

Abigail: Wait which one do you like best? I can't tell.

16:17

Jess: Which one do I like best? ... But also we have The Bird's Eye and The Mary Wash Post. Those are also good options.

16:27

Tori: So what you're saying is that you came up with that one.

16:31

Jess: I might've come up with The Weekly Ringer. Okay, but does anybody have anything else to say about The Bird's Eye or The Mary Wash Post? Because those are also great options.

(Background chatter)

16:55

Jess: Yeah, The Eagle Eye is the campus like faculty newsletter.

17:01

Abigail: Isn't that a can of tuna like the tuna brand like the Bird's Eye? So I'm afraid...

(Background chatter)

17:15

Jo: Let's just call it tuna.

7:18

Jess: So Erin said, Should we do a poll where we vote for two of three. And then the last one we vote between the two? Okay, yeah, we can do that. All right. So Erin, I'm going with your suggestion. We this time will be voting for two names out of three.

Again, I just gave them some time to vote and then I revealed the results.

Alright, so The Weekly Ringer is at 12. The Mary Wash Post is at 11 and The Bird's Eye is at three. So it's going to be between The Weekly Ringer and The Mary Wash Post. Once again, I personally was very very nervous about this last vote because I didn't want us to end up The Mary Wash Post because I didn't want people to think that we were trying to be The Washington Post or anything like that. So I was very much holding my breath while everyone was voting. Does anyone want to do a drumroll? I feel like this calls for a drumroll.

Okay, we are officially The Weekly Ringer. Um, sorry if I swayed your vote. Unintentional. But yeah, so we should figure out some plans. Maggie, I need to talk to you after this.

19:02

Maggie: Uh oh.

19:02

Jess: About The Weekly Ringer! No, you're not in trouble. I just need to talk to you about a social media post that we should put out and yeah, this is super exciting. Yay. Thank you guys for keeping an open mind about this. This is something that's really important to me. And I've heard that it's important to other people as well. So thank you all. Okay, I guess now we go with our original meeting.

19:27

Bernadette: Wait Jess I have a question first. If we do t shirts or like the hoodie things or whatever kind of have a bell tower on it?

19:35

Jess: Yes! Absolutely. And we can give whoever designs our little bell tower logo a free shirt as well.

19:46

Emily: Are we doing like a like an opening for that? Like logo design?

19:50

Jess: That's what I need to talk to Maggie about. I want to advertise like a graphic design little contest.

19:58

Abigail: What do we do with our old shirts?

20:00

Jess: I'm still gonna wear mine. It's iconic.

20:04

Maggie: It's now vintage!

20:05

Jess: And then it was just like any other meeting. We went through stories and any concerns we had for the upcoming week, and everything was pretty much normal.

Well, that's all I had for tonight. But does anybody have any questions, comments, concerns? Okay. Sounds good. All right. Thank you guys so much for being here in person. I'm really, really happy with the turnout, it makes me happy. But yeah, that's all I had. So thank you guys so much.

On a chalkboard in the Clubhouse resides this special Ronald Reagan quote that many of the editors live by.

So it's been almost exactly a month since we officially voted at that meeting to become The Weekly Ringer. And right now we're just working on kind of transferring all of our data over to the new website, which will be theweeklyringer.com. And I'm going to be working with our online editors, Maggie and Cameron, to build this new website over winter break. And I'm also going to be working on redesigning the print edition of The Weekly Ringer. But I'll be, of course, checking in with everybody asking their opinions on pages. And we have an ongoing graphic design contest that will end on January 1, so we'll be voting on our new logo then. And that design will go both on our masthead and on our t-shirts. We'll be finalizing everything before our first print edition of the spring 2022 semester comes out on January 20. And that edition will also be the centennial edition of UMW's student newspaper. So big things are coming up. And I'm really looking forward to officially becoming The Weekly Ringer.

Thank you to Abby, Josie and Mason for working with me on this project. I'm really, really pleased that we were able to document this renaming process and even more happy that I was able to work on it with you three. Also some special thanks to our faculty advisor and professor, Sushma. Thank you so much for always pushing us to make our ideas as good as they can be, and just for answering all of my silly questions.

Becoming A Beekeeper and Making My Younger Self Proud

As a child I always wanted to help in saving the bees - now my father and I are doing just that.

After a successful first couple of months, we began to notice that a fair amount of the colony’s members began to die out. In what felt like an overnight occurrence, we woke up to thousands of bees dead just outside the entrance of the hive. This took a big hit at our confidence in being able to support this once bustling community, but after our first attempt, we kept our eyes on the end goal; reaching 50,000 bees which signifies a healthy functioning hive,  and a sweet reward that comes in the form of honey.

So we ordered more. Our excitement was building as the delivery date got closer. We began to anticipate the arrival of our second round of bees. We could now say that we had done this before, so there was no room for mistakes.  

Throughout grade school, the single most important fact we learned about bees, aside from how they pollinate, is that they are dying. “Save the bees” was plastered onto shirts and an endless amount of bumper stickers. Growing up, my father had always stressed the importance of how the practices of bees play a vital role in providing the world with an endless amount of goods through the process of pollination. As a result of this, I was always sure to acknowledge how they were helping humans, despite my intense fear of them as a child. However, as I got older I wanted to do more to help. After a few conversations with my father on the topic, it was easy to get him on board. 

Throughout my childhood, my house was littered with "for dummies" books which never seemed to catch the light of day. My father was an enthusiast of all things but would quickly burn out and place each with the rest in a stack.

 It was not until being sent home from university for Covid-19 did I notice a Beekeeping for Dummies book filled with sticky notes and dog-eared corners. Soon, my father and I would be fully enveloped in the world of beekeeping.

A friend of my father's had been keeping bees for around a year. He and his wife got started after her doctor mentioned bee sting therapy as a way to reduce symptoms of Lyme disease. After receiving a number of bee-related photos and a few conversations later my dad instantly wanted in. I must be honest in saying that taking care of any animal or creature is never an easy task. However, I did not realize how many parts and details go into obtaining the bees, helping them establish themselves, and then keeping them alive to grow and produce honey.

My father and I visited his friend's hive many times in order to become more familiar with the reality of what we were getting invested in. We received the full rundown; never wear black clothing around them, as they might mistake you for a bear attempting to steal their honey. Always be sure to wear a bee suit to avoid getting stung, unless you are comfortable and catch a little bit of luck in getting a tolerant hive. The most important rule came last and it’s one that we are all familiar with - “don’t mess with them and they won’t mess with you.”

Our first step when we got started was to prepare for the arrival of our bees. We were careful to check with surrounding neighbors about any concerns they may have. We assured them that as long as we have a source of water for them to pull from, none of the surrounding pools would have any unwanted visitors. Thankfully, those that we did ask did not seem to have any concerns, and some were even interested in seeing how all of this would come together. 

After feeling the ropes a little bit, we went ahead and worked on collecting the supplies that we would need to host these new friends of ours. Our man-made beehive, or professionally known as an apiary, came in first. To our surprise, we were sent an extra apiary after only placing an order for one. My dad suggested we not get ahead of ourselves, start with one, then add on as the population grows. My mom, knowing my dad's pattern of getting quickly invested in specific things was wearisome but agreed that as long as I painted the hive and attempted to make it look good, she was on board. Within a week, I was waiting in line at my local paint store with two miniature buckets of paint. I got to painting, did the best that I could, then moved on so we could get the ball rolling. 

Now completely prepared for our new hobby, we had to wait for our shipment of bees to arrive. The delivery was being shipped from a farm in North Carolina. This is where I was met with some confusion. How were they collecting these bees, putting them into crates, and then shipping them to another state? After a fair amount of research, I found that some farms boast giant apiaries of bees that are being raised to be shipped to another location. Usually, they are delivered in a box that averages about 10,000 individual bees. Its weight of about three pounds was a reminder of the delicacy that’s required to transport these small but mighty insects. 

With much relief, I found that this process is typically harmless, and relocating hives is a regular part of the bees' life. In this process, however, rather than leaving one hive and having to build another, they are simply being placed in one that had already been built for them. Sent with sugar cane to keep their sweet tooth satisfied, a whole family of worker and drone bees, and of course, the queen bee herself were on the way. Except, the queen does not arrive in some sort of adorned throne, but rather enclosed alone in a cage completely made of wax.

My dad was quick to jump in handling the bees but I was hesitant, to say the least. Yes, I would let a bee or two land by me from time to time, but staring at a box filled with thousands of insects was daunting. The steady hum of buzzing made it all the worse, however, I threw on my bee suit and quickly worked past it, as we needed to transfer the bees to their new hive.

After arriving at their destination and future home, they are immediately dumped into the new hive. Here is where they began to grow comfortable with their new home, using their wings to spread their pheromones and conducting orientation flights to gain familiarity with their fully wooden hive. The most important step was freeing the queen bee from her cage. This is when the other members of the colony begin biting through the wax cage to set her free so she can get started on running production.

When we began the first phase of taking care of the new members of our family, pounds of sugar began to arrive at the house which was tossed into hot water to make homemade simple syrup. Attached to the hive is a device that connects the sugar water to the bees. This is an essential step that provides the colony with the fuel needed to begin building up their combs and producing food of their own. Even if all precautions are taken care of and the hive is fully supported, there is still a chance of things not going as planned. 

One morning when checking on the colony, my father found thousands of dead bees laying directly in front of the hive. We had noticed some losses leading up to this day, but we were not expecting to see what looked like the entire colony scattered through the mulch. I began frantically googling reasons and solutions while my dad did the same on the phone with his beekeeping friend. We discovered that there are many reasons as to why a colony might die out or leave, but the only thing we could do is take a look inside and try to figure it out. It was an unsuccessful search that left us with little to no answers. Accepting this outcome, we moved on and began to focus on other things. 

With a stroke of luck, one of our family friends' colonies swarmed. Now, this sounds like a bad thing, and in some instances it is, but for beekeeping, it can turn out to be a positive outcome. A swarm is what happens when a hive of bees either decides they no longer like their current home or they’ve outgrown it. It is hard to explain what thousands of bees forming together in the air look like, but it usually takes the form of a dark cloud that eventually attaches itself to the nearest post or branch. We had been prepared for this and supplied the surrounding area with a swarm trap. This is, in a basic sense, a halfway house for the bees to stay in, in which they are then taken to an apiary that is waiting for them. 

A little under a year later, we began harvesting a small but healthy amount of the honey we, and the bees, worked so hard for. The first thing iI did was add it into my tea, then enjoyed it by sitting next to the hive as a way of thanks. We felt accomplished after facing the trials and tribulations of months prior, and the thought of improving our local environment at the same time made it all the better. 

The biggest takeaway I have taken thus far in my year and a half of keeping is patience. I had been naive enough to think that honey would just appear within a month or two of our bees being in the backyard. However, it is a much longer process that requires a great amount of attention and care. A year goes by and we have a brand new hive after our first failure, and the numbers are growing fast. We had met our goal of hitting 50,000 so it was time to bring out the second hive and give them more to build on. Much talk was had about when we thought we’d be able to harvest our first batch of honey. Spring had come and gone with not enough honey to justify putting in the work to harvest. They had a good foundation and it would be foolish to cut their supply short and then cross our fingers for the best. The fall season was quick to sweep itself into the optimal time for a harvest process to take place, and so it began. 

Octagon-shaped jars were then quickly purchased alongside twine to adorn the glassware with miniature honey dippers. Although not a gigantic harvest, with the help of our bees, we produced a gallon of honey. Our next-door neighbors received the first jar as a thank you for putting up with our newfound hobby. Following, close friends and family alike would receive their jars of honey free of cost.


Our sights are now set on a wealthy spring harvest. This time around, we aim to produce a much larger amount of honey. My father’s only concern is to provide the bees with a nurturing environment, and although only with little impact, we have managed to accomplish just that. Looking back on my younger years, when I would constantly hear “save the bees,” I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing I played a small role in solving a much bigger problem.

Congrats Grad, and Best Wishes with Your Limited Job Prospect

By Ayana Jefferson, Jai-Leah Gracia, and Anne Smith

Graduating into your dream job never works out the way you think.

Taking a look at previous college students who have graduated and searched for jobs in their major, have most of them been successful? Or has all the hard work been put to waste as they face career insecurities and doubts of ever attaining their desired position? 

We will be considering if people usually get into the job of their dreams after going through college and graduating. Finding your passion, seeing available job opportunities within that passion, and realizing you may not end up in what you wanted to do are all aspects that play into this exploration of career success. 

Even though the system doesn’t always fail, it’s a shame that people who get their degrees find it so hard to get a job sometimes. Going to college is so pushed by teachers, family, friends, and society, that most people automatically say yes. Being sold the fantasy they will go to college, getting a degree and a career within that, however, this isn’t how it seems to actually go anymore. We will have thoughts from people who already graduated to get their perspective on the topic. Asking them questions like does college guarantee success? Or is college asking for more than people are able to manage? 

With these people we have chosen to interview, they have attained degrees, attempted to get experience for jobs, but have been turned down for various reasons. We are told to “try, try, try again”, yet for these two interviewees it’s been years of fluctuation for them, and that’s a scary thought. 

* * * * *

Starting with our first interviewee, Molly, 29, who attended Virginia Wesleyan University, and graduated with a degree in Criminal Justice. We chose to interview Molly because of how she is currently working in a career that is completely different from what she originally graduated from. While this tends to happen, especially for many who are just graduating college, Molly’s experience was a bit more of the common story that we all hear. It can be very difficult to find the experience that we want despite post undergrads reaching out to their dream jobs. We agreed that this is an unfair advantage, especially for us.  

Our Interview Audio Here:

Our thoughts on Molly’s perspective:

Jai-Leah: It's something that I've always thought about, you know, I thought when coming in, I would just get my degree, go to grad school, you know, whatever, continue on, but hearing everyone have these trials and tribulations getting so close to the goal, but then not achieving that.

Ayana: One of my biggest worries is looking back at the age of 20, 30, 40 years later and realizing that all I have is this degree that I never got to use. Or I'm not going to be in my dream job. So I basically wasted so much of my life, time, and money. 

Anne: So I would just say, it does create a different outlook. I don't know if it's regret, necessarily, but it's definitely confusion, for sure.

* * * * *

The next person we interviewed was, Mrs. Banita Morris, who is 33 years old, and attended John Tyler Community College and Liberty University. We chose to interview Mrs. Morris because we found her points about needing work experience is sometimes more valuable than a degree itself. She also gave her thoughts that for many individuals who graduated college and have spent many years looking for a job related to their degree it can be difficult to find opportunities. For some, when opportunities do appear it can be a difficult choice to make when many of these people have families and other priorities they have to factor in.

Our Interview Audio Here:

Our thoughts on Mrs. Morris perspective:

Jai-Leah: It's just more of this, I guess, false fantasy, a false reality that it's given to us. And I think that's just something that us college students, even us as adults, learn and grow from it. So there are those future fears still prevalent.

Ayana: So it definitely is fearful. I'm still, you know, looking forward to graduating, and I still feel comfortable with my degrees. While at the same time it will be something I keep in mind after graduating college and feel secure in a career.

Anne: I would say that it causes self-doubt. Even when we're at this point where most of our college career is gone? Not enough time, we can't make a huge difference about what we're doing and changing in one semester that's left. 


* * * * *

Our Final Reflection: We have a takeaway to wrap up with overall concluding thoughts about the topic of getting your dream career after graduating from college.  

Ayana: It's a little jolt of fear. We only interviewed a few people, so it's not like we have a whole statistic. But this definitely adds to my list of concerns. I'm such a heavy planner, and I like things to go, (I don't want to sound like a brat), my way. I know we are still young, we haven't had too many of our own experiences, but we still have so much to go through in life. I think being open-minded, in opening other doors is definitely very important. You know, for a very long time, I wanted to be a vet, and I was very stubborn about that. Now I'm realizing with biology, it's really broad, and I should have backup plans. 

Anne: As we just heard, things can always change down the road, there are so many different combinations of what can happen. People could go to school, know exactly what they want to do, and end up in it. Or they could change but say, I am so happy I went to college because it showed me this other avenue. I just think success has different definitions, it's not always about money or position. It’s more about what you've done for yourself, regardless of whether you went to college or not. 

Jai-Leah: The world is very colorful. And, you know what, as long as your dream job makes you happy, even if it's not the dream job that you want, as long as it makes you happy at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.