I’ve always said my friends and I are variations of the exact same person. After taking the Myers-Briggs, I found out just how true that really is.
by Jess Kirby
INFJ. Introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. After 64 questions, that’s what the test told me.
As I read the results, I was shocked—almost creeped out—but I couldn’t stop reading. Like many others that have taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, I was infatuated with the idea of learning more about myself.
Sometimes called “the advocate” or “the idealist” because of their focus on the future and drive to improve the world, INFJs are “walking, talking, contradictions. They’re easy-going perfectionists. Both logical and emotional, creative and analytical.” I felt like that one description summed up my entire personality.
Apparently I was late to the game taking the test, as almost everyone I spoke to already knew their personality type. And I was surprised to find that many were the same type as me, despite the fact that we make up only about 1.5 percent of the population.
As an introvert, I have about six friends that I consider close—another signal that I’m an INFJ. To find that three of them are INFJs was shocking to me. Suddenly, it seemed my world was filled with them.
The more people around me that shared their results, the more I started wondering: Am I only compatible with people who are exactly like me?
* * *
“I can never tell if I want people to love me or fear me,” I said to Anne.
“That’s part of being an INFJ,” she said.
“Oh my God… not you, too?!” I asked her in amazement.
She nodded and smiled.
I wasn’t trying to be Machiavellian by saying this. In true INFJ fashion, I’m a pretty quiet person, which is tough when I need to make my voice heard about something. I lead the editorial staff of our student newspaper, and I’d been frustrated about people not taking me seriously, so I was considering being ever so slightly harsh. Not exactly fear-inducing, but I didn’t have to explain this to Anne—she automatically understood.
INFJ is one of the 16 personality types developed by Isabel Myers, her mother Katharine Cook Briggs and the research of psychologist C. G. Jung, according to the Myers & Briggs Foundation. The test they developed, known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, shows where a person falls on these four spectrums: introverted/extroverted, intuiting/sensing, thinking/feeling and perceiving/judging. As an INFJ, I’m introverted, intuiting, feeling and judging.
Anne’s dad made her take the Myers-Briggs test almost every year growing up, so she’s well-acquainted with her results. As she spoke, I heard my experiences and my thoughts through hers. Even though we’d only hung out a couple times outside of class and the newspaper, she felt like a years-long friend.
Because Anne is a resident assistant and I lead an editorial staff, people are constantly coming to us with questions or problems. If we’re asked for help with something, we almost always say yes, even if helping them isn’t part of our job or we have too much on our plate already. One of the INFJ’s biggest desires is to make meaningful connections with other people, so we often prioritize other people’s needs over our own in order to make them happy, even though we know this isn’t good for us.
The same applies for romantic relationships. Since INFJs put a lot of effort into making their partner happy, they’re best matched with people who will reciprocate that effort, according to Online Personality Types. INFJs put a great deal of thought into their relationships and want to spend lots of time with their partners. Basically, INFJs can be super clingy. Types who don’t care for romance are not good for INFJs, and INFJs often struggle to find someone compatible.
This has all been true in my experiences. I come off a little strong for some people, and I’ve definitely been taken advantage of in the past. Although I don’t know the personality types of my exes, I’ve been happiest with people who put in the effort to make me feel loved in return.
A 2011 article from the Journal of Personality found that when college-age introverts spend time together, they don’t have to adapt their personalities to each other’s; instead, they reinforce similar personality traits. When introverts spend time with extroverts, they each have to adapt, which doesn’t always happen evenly. This has been my experience as well, so I tend to stick to introverted friends and partners.
INFJs are supposedly well-matched for each other, which makes sense to me. The best person for a clingy, introverted, romantic overthinker is probably someone who can return that love back to them.
* * *
Many have criticized the accuracy of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. One article from Vox was especially critical, saying that the test is “completely meaningless” and citing a psychologist who said “There’s just no evidence behind it.” The article also said that the binary personality categories were not derived from experiments or data. Jung himself even wrote, “There’s no such thing as a pure extravert or introvert.”
After reading this, I kind of felt like a self-absorbed, gullible idiot. It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole of a test that explains who you are and tries to make sense of it. However, I still felt like the INFJ personality fit me so well; it made so many of my experiences and feelings make sense. I still wanted to reflect, learn something and make the most of it, even if the test is bogus.
In high school, I felt like I never knew the words to the songs my friends sang in the car, never got their Vine references and never seemed to know what to say. I always felt like a fraud, like I wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. I’ve always felt a little out of step with everyone else. And though I feel this less now that I’m in college, I think that’s why I was drawn to the Myers-Briggs—I wanted an explanation.
It wasn’t until I got to college that I found my place—the newspaper. Our former editor-in-chief once told me that you can’t go into journalism without thinking the world can change for the better. That idealistic mindset, common among INFJs, is also common among my friends and fellow editors at the newspaper.
All of the people on our editorial staff are kind and thoughtful, and I never get tired of “doing the news” with them. But my best friends on the staff are introverted overthinkers who will go out of their way to make sure you know you’re appreciated, just like an INFJ would. They’ll stay with me at layout until 2 a.m. talking about Greta Van Fleet or “Twilight” or our siblings. They accept me for who I am and always kindly explain whatever TikTok reference went over my head.
So, yes. At the end of the day, I prefer to stick to people like me. With them, I don’t feel so out of place.