The journey towards a healthier lifestyle came to an unexpected halt, prompting him to question everything.By: Reece Stone
Tonight’s menu featured fried chicken from the local gas station, my mother said when she got home. “Ugh,” I muttered. My father had made the call on what to eat once again. My father, 61, was sitting across from me at the dinner table, and I decided to use this as an opportunity to educate him on the importance of nutrition. My father, ever the skeptic, brushed aside my earnest attempts at conversation.
“Why do you continue to push this freak diet upon us?”
Yet I refused to back down.
A recent doctor visit with alarming lab results prompted me to overhaul my diet. Specifically, I’d gotten the read of a cholesterol level of 240mg/dL, which is considered extremely high. I cut out all fried foods and foods with tons of sodium. The most crucial changes involved eliminating processed foods and avoiding seed oils. My father and his side of the family have a history of these health problems. I thought that once I shared my news and my concerns with my dad, he’d have a similar desire to get healthy. But he was not pleased. He just kept taking his blood pressure and cholesterol medications and kept his food habits the same.
I couldn’t fathom watching my father deteriorating in front of my eyes. I must impose change to help my father. Why couldn’t he listen to me? Every conversation felt like a battle. It was as if he was clinging to something he could never let go of. I tried to be patient and understand his perspective, but the situation's urgency gnawed at me. Time was slipping away, and with it, the chance to make a difference. So much conflict led me to places I could never imagine.
* * *
According to the National Library of Medicine, over 60 percent of adults in the United States are overweight or obese. With both parents increasingly working, fitting dinner into a busy schedule has become more challenging. Anne Marie Kuchera, Director of Community Health at UPMC Children's Hospital, said: "Parents are their children’s No. 1 role models, and their lifestyle practices significantly influence their children, especially young ones, whose choices and behaviors are heavily guided by their parents." Multiple factors play a role in family habits, but starting to understand the root cause of these issues leads to a change.
Many studies blame parents for their children's poor eating habits, but that's not necessarily accurate. Kids can significantly impact their parents' lives by altering various eating habits, such as eating at different times due to extracurricular activities and influencing food preferences. Could my dad’s eating habits be influenced by me?
So, when I decided to exert influence over my parents’ food habits, I was, in many ways, disturbing the natural order. My family members have had mixed opinions since starting this diet nearly a year ago. My mom understands my diet to an extent and will sometimes go out of her way to make me feel included during meals. She once proposed to make grilled chicken with couscous and a side house salad. My father quickly shut down this idea since he was craving fried chicken and wanted to eat it as a family. What ended up happening was that I brought my meal.
I felt defeated about my family's dinner choice, knowing that I couldn’t enjoy the same meal as them. I didn’t like feeling so separate from them by bringing a meal myself. The difference in priorities often leads to clashes over what should be such a simple weekly task as grocery shopping. This issue presented itself when I moved home temporarily and took over the family’s grocery shopping and dinners. The tension during these moments makes me question how we could bridge this gap. How could we balance our differing preferences and find common ground?
* * *
That’s when I decided to take the approach of education. It’s also when my argument with my dad over the fried chick erupted. It probably took me too long to figure out that knowledge and statistics were not the most powerful tools for persuasion. I’m embarrassed to admit now that I created a 20-slide PowerPoint presentation filled with persuasive statistics from various primary sources and data from his medical examinations. My goal was to use this information to change his mind and encourage him to adopt healthier eating habits. I also hoped that my journey would showcase positive changes, inspiring him to join me on this path. This strategy ended horribly. My father shut my case down in a heartbeat.
My next strategy involved subtly switching ingredients without my father’s knowledge. For instance, when we had French Onion dip, I would buy chips cooked only with olive oil instead of seed oils like soybean or canola. Additionally, I would buy pure Irish butter with no added oils instead of spreadable butter containing canola. This was easy to execute if I was the one responsible for grocery shopping that night. My father, unaware of the ingredient swaps, wouldn’t even notice the switches we made. However, when he found out about my strategy, these moments became tense. His suspicion grew with each discovery, leading to uncomfortable confrontations. Despite my initial optimism, I ultimately consider this technique a failure due to the growing mistrust and tension it caused.
Dinners became a source of anxiety for me. The anxious feeling of bringing my meal was isolating me away from my family. I couldn’t fathom the thought of not being able to enjoy meals with my loved ones any longer. I realized that it might be best to step back from aggressively pushing my agenda for a while. The constant pressure I was exerting was beginning to take a toll, not just on me but on my family as well. I didn’t want to risk causing any disarray within our household, so I decided it was time for some serious self-reflection.
During this period, a spark of insight was ignited within me. My rigid approach to my diet was making our shared meals less enjoyable and more of a battleground for my struggles. My pushiness wasn’t helping; instead, it was driving everyone’s way. This realization was humbling. I understood that in my quest for personal health, I had overlooked the importance of family love. I decided to relax and simply enjoy family dinners, regardless of whether we were all eating the same thing. By doing this, I hoped to rebuild the connection we once had and cherish the moments we spent together, creating lasting memories.
* * *
It didn’t take long, maybe two or three weeks, for this approach to unexpectedly work. As the sun set in the west on this hot summer day, it was time for another dinner. I decided to take a new approach to our family dinners, one that balanced my strict diet but also incorporated my family for a joint meal. On the menu was a ham slice and frozen mac and cheese, my favorite from when I was 4. I made a separate meal for myself: broiled salmon with white rice and steamed broccoli. My mother was the first one to notice my lovely creation, asking for a bite. I gladly consented. Soon, my father followed. He was impressed.
As we prepared for future dinners, I felt a surge of excitement about what was to come. Had we finally reached the breakthrough I had been hoping for? As the afternoon wore on, my phone buzzed with a text message from my father. “Would you like to head to the grocery store?” I replied with a simple “yes,” curious about what this might mean. Fortunately, there was good news waiting to be heard. My father called me into his office. “Can you pick up some veggies and make sure you avoid all seed oils at the store.” I was stunned.
My father, who had always been set in his ways, was now willing to make a change. I agreed immediately. As dinners continued, I kept a low profile about my agenda. My focus was on enjoying our time together rather than wanting them to endure a journey that was for me. Change only happened when I stopped pushing and simply focused on my happiness. My father noticed the positive transformation in me, which sparked his curiosity and desire to try what I was doing. It was my genuine contentment and improved well-being that inspired him rather than any pressure or insistence.
By leading by example and showing the benefits of my new lifestyle, I created an environment where he felt motivated to make healthier choices on his own. This internal motivation was far more powerful and sustainable than any external pressure could have been. It reinforced the idea that true change is most effective when it is self-driven and comes from a place of personal desire and realization. My journey became a testament to the power of leading by example and the impact of inner transformation on those around me.
