Becoming A Beekeeper and Making My Younger Self Proud

As a child I always wanted to help in saving the bees - now my father and I are doing just that.

After a successful first couple of months, we began to notice that a fair amount of the colony’s members began to die out. In what felt like an overnight occurrence, we woke up to thousands of bees dead just outside the entrance of the hive. This took a big hit at our confidence in being able to support this once bustling community, but after our first attempt, we kept our eyes on the end goal; reaching 50,000 bees which signifies a healthy functioning hive,  and a sweet reward that comes in the form of honey.

So we ordered more. Our excitement was building as the delivery date got closer. We began to anticipate the arrival of our second round of bees. We could now say that we had done this before, so there was no room for mistakes.  

Throughout grade school, the single most important fact we learned about bees, aside from how they pollinate, is that they are dying. “Save the bees” was plastered onto shirts and an endless amount of bumper stickers. Growing up, my father had always stressed the importance of how the practices of bees play a vital role in providing the world with an endless amount of goods through the process of pollination. As a result of this, I was always sure to acknowledge how they were helping humans, despite my intense fear of them as a child. However, as I got older I wanted to do more to help. After a few conversations with my father on the topic, it was easy to get him on board. 

Throughout my childhood, my house was littered with "for dummies" books which never seemed to catch the light of day. My father was an enthusiast of all things but would quickly burn out and place each with the rest in a stack.

 It was not until being sent home from university for Covid-19 did I notice a Beekeeping for Dummies book filled with sticky notes and dog-eared corners. Soon, my father and I would be fully enveloped in the world of beekeeping.

A friend of my father's had been keeping bees for around a year. He and his wife got started after her doctor mentioned bee sting therapy as a way to reduce symptoms of Lyme disease. After receiving a number of bee-related photos and a few conversations later my dad instantly wanted in. I must be honest in saying that taking care of any animal or creature is never an easy task. However, I did not realize how many parts and details go into obtaining the bees, helping them establish themselves, and then keeping them alive to grow and produce honey.

My father and I visited his friend's hive many times in order to become more familiar with the reality of what we were getting invested in. We received the full rundown; never wear black clothing around them, as they might mistake you for a bear attempting to steal their honey. Always be sure to wear a bee suit to avoid getting stung, unless you are comfortable and catch a little bit of luck in getting a tolerant hive. The most important rule came last and it’s one that we are all familiar with - “don’t mess with them and they won’t mess with you.”

Our first step when we got started was to prepare for the arrival of our bees. We were careful to check with surrounding neighbors about any concerns they may have. We assured them that as long as we have a source of water for them to pull from, none of the surrounding pools would have any unwanted visitors. Thankfully, those that we did ask did not seem to have any concerns, and some were even interested in seeing how all of this would come together. 

After feeling the ropes a little bit, we went ahead and worked on collecting the supplies that we would need to host these new friends of ours. Our man-made beehive, or professionally known as an apiary, came in first. To our surprise, we were sent an extra apiary after only placing an order for one. My dad suggested we not get ahead of ourselves, start with one, then add on as the population grows. My mom, knowing my dad's pattern of getting quickly invested in specific things was wearisome but agreed that as long as I painted the hive and attempted to make it look good, she was on board. Within a week, I was waiting in line at my local paint store with two miniature buckets of paint. I got to painting, did the best that I could, then moved on so we could get the ball rolling. 

Now completely prepared for our new hobby, we had to wait for our shipment of bees to arrive. The delivery was being shipped from a farm in North Carolina. This is where I was met with some confusion. How were they collecting these bees, putting them into crates, and then shipping them to another state? After a fair amount of research, I found that some farms boast giant apiaries of bees that are being raised to be shipped to another location. Usually, they are delivered in a box that averages about 10,000 individual bees. Its weight of about three pounds was a reminder of the delicacy that’s required to transport these small but mighty insects. 

With much relief, I found that this process is typically harmless, and relocating hives is a regular part of the bees' life. In this process, however, rather than leaving one hive and having to build another, they are simply being placed in one that had already been built for them. Sent with sugar cane to keep their sweet tooth satisfied, a whole family of worker and drone bees, and of course, the queen bee herself were on the way. Except, the queen does not arrive in some sort of adorned throne, but rather enclosed alone in a cage completely made of wax.

My dad was quick to jump in handling the bees but I was hesitant, to say the least. Yes, I would let a bee or two land by me from time to time, but staring at a box filled with thousands of insects was daunting. The steady hum of buzzing made it all the worse, however, I threw on my bee suit and quickly worked past it, as we needed to transfer the bees to their new hive.

After arriving at their destination and future home, they are immediately dumped into the new hive. Here is where they began to grow comfortable with their new home, using their wings to spread their pheromones and conducting orientation flights to gain familiarity with their fully wooden hive. The most important step was freeing the queen bee from her cage. This is when the other members of the colony begin biting through the wax cage to set her free so she can get started on running production.

When we began the first phase of taking care of the new members of our family, pounds of sugar began to arrive at the house which was tossed into hot water to make homemade simple syrup. Attached to the hive is a device that connects the sugar water to the bees. This is an essential step that provides the colony with the fuel needed to begin building up their combs and producing food of their own. Even if all precautions are taken care of and the hive is fully supported, there is still a chance of things not going as planned. 

One morning when checking on the colony, my father found thousands of dead bees laying directly in front of the hive. We had noticed some losses leading up to this day, but we were not expecting to see what looked like the entire colony scattered through the mulch. I began frantically googling reasons and solutions while my dad did the same on the phone with his beekeeping friend. We discovered that there are many reasons as to why a colony might die out or leave, but the only thing we could do is take a look inside and try to figure it out. It was an unsuccessful search that left us with little to no answers. Accepting this outcome, we moved on and began to focus on other things. 

With a stroke of luck, one of our family friends' colonies swarmed. Now, this sounds like a bad thing, and in some instances it is, but for beekeeping, it can turn out to be a positive outcome. A swarm is what happens when a hive of bees either decides they no longer like their current home or they’ve outgrown it. It is hard to explain what thousands of bees forming together in the air look like, but it usually takes the form of a dark cloud that eventually attaches itself to the nearest post or branch. We had been prepared for this and supplied the surrounding area with a swarm trap. This is, in a basic sense, a halfway house for the bees to stay in, in which they are then taken to an apiary that is waiting for them. 

A little under a year later, we began harvesting a small but healthy amount of the honey we, and the bees, worked so hard for. The first thing iI did was add it into my tea, then enjoyed it by sitting next to the hive as a way of thanks. We felt accomplished after facing the trials and tribulations of months prior, and the thought of improving our local environment at the same time made it all the better. 

The biggest takeaway I have taken thus far in my year and a half of keeping is patience. I had been naive enough to think that honey would just appear within a month or two of our bees being in the backyard. However, it is a much longer process that requires a great amount of attention and care. A year goes by and we have a brand new hive after our first failure, and the numbers are growing fast. We had met our goal of hitting 50,000 so it was time to bring out the second hive and give them more to build on. Much talk was had about when we thought we’d be able to harvest our first batch of honey. Spring had come and gone with not enough honey to justify putting in the work to harvest. They had a good foundation and it would be foolish to cut their supply short and then cross our fingers for the best. The fall season was quick to sweep itself into the optimal time for a harvest process to take place, and so it began. 

Octagon-shaped jars were then quickly purchased alongside twine to adorn the glassware with miniature honey dippers. Although not a gigantic harvest, with the help of our bees, we produced a gallon of honey. Our next-door neighbors received the first jar as a thank you for putting up with our newfound hobby. Following, close friends and family alike would receive their jars of honey free of cost.


Our sights are now set on a wealthy spring harvest. This time around, we aim to produce a much larger amount of honey. My father’s only concern is to provide the bees with a nurturing environment, and although only with little impact, we have managed to accomplish just that. Looking back on my younger years, when I would constantly hear “save the bees,” I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing I played a small role in solving a much bigger problem.






Congrats Grad, and Best Wishes with Your Limited Job Prospect

By Ayana Jefferson, Jai-Leah Gracia, and Anne Smith

Graduating into your dream job never works out the way you think.


Taking a look at previous college students who have graduated and searched for jobs in their major, have most of them been successful? Or has all the hard work been put to waste as they face career insecurities and doubts of ever attaining their desired position? 

We will be considering if people usually get into the job of their dreams after going through college and graduating. Finding your passion, seeing available job opportunities within that passion, and realizing you may not end up in what you wanted to do are all aspects that play into this exploration of career success. 

Even though the system doesn’t always fail, it’s a shame that people who get their degrees find it so hard to get a job sometimes. Going to college is so pushed by teachers, family, friends, and society, that most people automatically say yes. Being sold the fantasy they will go to college, getting a degree and a career within that, however, this isn’t how it seems to actually go anymore. We will have thoughts from people who already graduated to get their perspective on the topic. Asking them questions like does college guarantee success? Or is college asking for more than people are able to manage? 

With these people we have chosen to interview, they have attained degrees, attempted to get experience for jobs, but have been turned down for various reasons. We are told to “try, try, try again”, yet for these two interviewees it’s been years of fluctuation for them, and that’s a scary thought. 

* * * * *

Starting with our first interviewee, Molly, 29, who attended Virginia Wesleyan University, and graduated with a degree in Criminal Justice. We chose to interview Molly because of how she is currently working in a career that is completely different from what she originally graduated from. While this tends to happen, especially for many who are just graduating college, Molly’s experience was a bit more of the common story that we all hear. It can be very difficult to find the experience that we want despite post undergrads reaching out to their dream jobs. We agreed that this is an unfair advantage, especially for us.  

Our Interview Audio Here:


Our thoughts on Molly’s perspective:

Jai-Leah: It's something that I've always thought about, you know, I thought when coming in, I would just get my degree, go to grad school, you know, whatever, continue on, but hearing everyone have these trials and tribulations getting so close to the goal, but then not achieving that.

Ayana: One of my biggest worries is looking back at the age of 20, 30, 40 years later and realizing that all I have is this degree that I never got to use. Or I'm not going to be in my dream job. So I basically wasted so much of my life, time, and money. 

Anne: So I would just say, it does create a different outlook. I don't know if it's regret, necessarily, but it's definitely confusion, for sure.


* * * * *

The next person we interviewed was, Mrs. Banita Morris, who is 33 years old, and attended John Tyler Community College and Liberty University. We chose to interview Mrs. Morris because we found her points about needing work experience is sometimes more valuable than a degree itself. She also gave her thoughts that for many individuals who graduated college and have spent many years looking for a job related to their degree it can be difficult to find opportunities. For some, when opportunities do appear it can be a difficult choice to make when many of these people have families and other priorities they have to factor in.

Our Interview Audio Here:




Our thoughts on Mrs. Morris perspective:

Jai-Leah: It's just more of this, I guess, false fantasy, a false reality that it's given to us. And I think that's just something that us college students, even us as adults, learn and grow from it. So there are those future fears still prevalent.

Ayana: So it definitely is fearful. I'm still, you know, looking forward to graduating, and I still feel comfortable with my degrees. While at the same time it will be something I keep in mind after graduating college and feel secure in a career.


Anne: I would say that it causes self-doubt. Even when we're at this point where most of our college career is gone? Not enough time, we can't make a huge difference about what we're doing and changing in one semester that's left. 


* * * * *

Our Final Reflection: We have a takeaway to wrap up with overall concluding thoughts about the topic of getting your dream career after graduating from college.  

Ayana: It's a little jolt of fear. We only interviewed a few people, so it's not like we have a whole statistic. But this definitely adds to my list of concerns. I'm such a heavy planner, and I like things to go, (I don't want to sound like a brat), my way. I know we are still young, we haven't had too many of our own experiences, but we still have so much to go through in life. I think being open-minded, in opening other doors is definitely very important. You know, for a very long time, I wanted to be a vet, and I was very stubborn about that. Now I'm realizing with biology, it's really broad, and I should have backup plans. 

Anne: As we just heard, things can always change down the road, there are so many different combinations of what can happen. People could go to school, know exactly what they want to do, and end up in it. Or they could change but say, I am so happy I went to college because it showed me this other avenue. I just think success has different definitions, it's not always about money or position. It’s more about what you've done for yourself, regardless of whether you went to college or not. 

Jai-Leah: The world is very colorful. And, you know what, as long as your dream job makes you happy, even if it's not the dream job that you want, as long as it makes you happy at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.




The Kids Are (Kind of) Alright

How the COVID-19 pandemic impacted socialization among college students.

By Jean Mondoro and Shawn Fleetwood

The outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic in early 2020 sent the world into a tailspin. Businesses shut down, schools closed their doors, and families were forced to spend an extended, impromptu spring break crammed in their homes. Needless to say, the once-in-a-lifetime event completely altered society as we know it.

While much of the media coverage surrounding complete societal lockdown has often pertained to the economic damage caused by such policies, there has been little discussion regarding the mental and emotional effects extended social distancing has had on individuals. Over the past year, families and friends have been, both willingly and unwillingly, separated from one another for extended periods of time. Given that humans are social creatures by nature, such separation has extracted a heavy toll, particularly with respect to young people.

67% of young people believe the pandemic will have a long-term negative effect on their mental health- Young Minds

While data on the subject remains scarce as of present, completed studies that have been released show the overall negative impact extended social distancing and lockdowns have had on the mental health of adolescents. According to a Sept. 2020 study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, there are strong “associations between social anxiety and loneliness/social isolation” as it relates to the COVID-19 lockdowns and social distancing measures implemented over the past year.

“Exposure to feared situations is generally regarded as an essential component of anxiety treatment. School environments typically provide a plethora of opportunities for social exposure,” wrote Matthew Morrissette, MD. “Needless to say, opportunities for exposure to social situations have been exceedingly limited for many children and youths during the COVID-19 outbreak.”


71% of parents believe the pandemic has taken a toll on their child’s mental health- Children’s Hospital of Chicago


Another study published by The Journal of the American Medical Association in August 2021 shows similar trends, with the publication providing details about the increased rates of depression and anxiety among young people. According to the analysis, “of 29 studies including 80 879 youth globally, the pooled prevalence estimates of clinically elevated child and adolescent depression and anxiety were 25.2% and 20.5%, respectively.” 

The study also notes how “[T]he prevalence of depression and anxiety symptoms during COVID-19 have doubled, compared with prepandemic estimates,” with moderator analyses revealing that “prevalence rates were higher when collected later in the pandemic, in older adolescents, and in girls.”

Of the 195 students, 138 (71%) indicated increased stress and anxiety due to the COVID-19 outbreak.
— study conducted by the Houston Methodist Center for Outcomes Research

Additional studies on the subject matter have been published in The Journal of Medical Internet Research, the Canadian Journal of School Psychology and PLOS One

While only a handful of studies, the trends portrayed in these varying analyses paint a very dark and grim picture for the mental wellbeing of younger generations. As more scientifically analyzed datasets are released to the public, we will begin to better understand the full-throated impact that social distancing behaviors have had on children and adolescents throughout the country. 

What Remains When the Flock Departs?

By Erin Matuczinski

I imagine it to be exciting. Filling up the squares on the calendar with fun projects, social events, taking vacations, visiting old friends…anything and everything they have wanted to do since they were young. Having moved to a new city brought the opportunity to find new places to experience. “Been there, done that” turns into “Why not? Let’s try it.” 

For 22 years, the focus of Greg and Kelly’s lives was raising children. In the beginning it was two young, energetic girls taking up every moment of the waking day (and sometimes night, when they interrupted such needed peaceful sleep). Their daughters pulling every single toy out of the wooden storage bin to climb inside of it instead. Then dragging the colorful clutter out to the living room in front of the tube TV watching VHS favorites like Aladdin and Mary Poppins on repeat.

Every night was a bath night, with one parent taking on the soap suds in the tub upstairs and the other taking them on with the post-dinner dish pile downstairs. Neither got to think of their own sleep until the girls lost their battle against bedtime and listened quietly to the prayers and stories for the night. 

It did not exactly get easier as they got older. Preschool performances turned into middle school concerts, and pee-wee tee-ball turned into travel team softball. Sometimes dinner planned for five p.m. didn’t happen until eight, and then there was homework to check. When one spouse was deployed overseas, the other took on the duties of a single parent. I have found the consistently hectic schedule around my sister and I to be a reason that I do not long to have children of my own. 

So when the time came that both daughters had grown up and moved out of the family home, there was much more empty time to fill. I expected for them to pick up a lot of new and exciting hobbies, I expected lots of weekends taking small trips to reconnect with old friends. Maybe they would finally get a pet or inevitably accumulate a jungle of plants both inside and out. All the years of trying to be perfect parents had led up to the moment where they could reap the benefits.

Yet, as it turns out, it hasn’t gone exactly the way that I thought it would be. 

“Some of the first things I had to adjust to were changing my grocery shopping and cooking practices,'' said Kelly. “I didn’t need as much anymore. It’s also amazing how much conversation in the house revolved around the kids. Now that they are not here every day, sometimes it seems like there is nothing to talk about.”

“Empty nester syndrome” refers to the feelings of loneliness that parents experience when all of their children leave to begin their own adult lives. While it is not an actual medical condition, it can still affect people greatly. Some couples feel disconnected from their partner, others feel disconnected from themselves. Parents may grieve that their children no longer need to be cared for by them.

“You’re so used to helping that it’s hard to step back and let them do it,” said Greg. “It’s hard to let go. That’s your sole focus, your children. Of course you want to see your kids fly, but it’s hard to let go.”

Greg and Kelly moved from southern to central Virginia in order to be closer to both their children and their elderly parents. Leaving their house and community of over two decades changed the course of what they may have expected life after children to be like. They have found themselves mostly occupying their time with DIY projects in their new place. Weekend afternoons have been spent putting new coats of paint on the wall in between rearranging the layout of the basement. The muddy, blank backyard has been spruced up with a dreamy patio. But one problem has yet to be solved, the chairs surrounding the fireplace often remain empty. 

“All the things we used to do, all the friends we used to have, it was all because of the girls,” Kelly said. “When your kids go off to college, we’re not as involved. We’re not meeting people through them. Our social life was them, and now we struggle.”

Almost every previous family friend was made through their children’s classmates. Seeing the same people over and over at elementary school parties and after-school sports practice led to a literal neighborhood of connections. Soon enough, every summer holiday was spent at backyard cookouts with the parents on the patio and the kids in the pool. But it dwindled as the girls got older and became independent enough to spend time with their friends on their own.

If moving and becoming empty nesters at the same time was not difficult enough, it was all done in the midst of the global pandemic. There’s no easy way to meet new friends when the only thing to do around town is get a table for two. But the pandemic took more than just a typical social life, it took their dreams to travel. 

“I was looking forward to being able to just pick up and go places, travel more,” Kelly said. “And then COVID happened...and we couldn’t do any of that.” 

A two week trip to Italy, a bucket-list destination for Kelly, was in the books for July 2020. There was excitement to see the world as a couple and not just parents. But rescheduling turned to cancellation, and there hasn’t been an opportunity for overseas vacations since. 

Nevertheless, they have persisted. They’ve taken part in a winery club and joined a local Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) post; things they did not initially see themselves doing. It has become time to find their own interests again.

“As a mom, it was harder to take time for myself when taking care of the kids,” Kelly said. “I always felt there was something else I should be doing instead of taking time for me.”

Both say that they don’t particularly have a desire to take care of another living thing like many empty nesters seem to experience. Yet, they have quickly come to adore their new backyard wildlife; consistently putting out pellet feed for the wandering deer and supplying sweet nectar for the migrating hummingbirds. They adore the days that their golden retriever grand-dog, Thor, comes over for playdates. 

I’ve wanted them to get a dog of their own, or maybe rescue rabbits again. I’ve wanted to see them put their nurturing personalities towards something other than their children, something they’ve already been doing for over two decades. I want them to enjoy their well-deserved easy years, but I also don’t want them to feel lonely. 

It’s bittersweet- as a parent you spend 18 years preparing your child to become an adult and to make it on their own, but when they do, it’s a bit sad because you miss them being at home every day. It’s hard to convince yourself to be happy for them when your heart misses them.
— Kelly

The empty nester life I have imagined for them, one full of non-stop adventure, is simply a kind of life that I have just imagined for myself. Everyone sees their parents in themselves in some way or another, but I have been looking in all the wrong ways. 

I have known for many years that I never want children; I have no desire to always be living my life for another human being. I dream of constantly working towards checking each “once in a lifetime” experience off my bucket list; visiting as many countries as possible, rescuing animals of every type, becoming fluent in multiple languages…things that take a vast amount of money, energy, and most importantly, time. It does not mean that their definition of adventure is raising children is a wrong one, it’s just not mine. 

My parents and I are adapting to our separation differently. Their calm, secluded, dare I say “mundane” life in a rural home is one that they deserve. All the years of putting the kids before themselves means that now they can spend their relaxing Saturday afternoons as they please, not changing diapers or chaperoning pre-teen birthday parties. Now my hectic life begins, just in a very different way. 

Greg and Kelly are comforted knowing that they’ve settled close enough to their adult children to see them on the weekends, but far enough to let them begin to make their own nests. After all, it’s who they live for.

“Nothing can replace spending ‘in-person’ time with your kids,” Greg said. “Once my youngest daughter was out the door, I remember calling my parents and asking them, ‘Do you ever stop worrying?’’ Greg said. “No. You never stop worrying.”

The Real National Park Experience

These parks are not what them seem like online.

By Emily Warren

I woke up from my tent at about 4 am because I wanted to get the day started early. I arrived at the Zion visitor center around 5 am running into a few other early birds with the same plan of attempting to beat the crowds. The first shuttle did not leave the visitor center until 6:30 am so naturally, I fell asleep in the parking lot. An hour later, I was woken by so much commotion. I hear car doors slamming as they get out of their cars, cars beeping from being locked up and people shuffling towards the shuttle. I open my eyes, and see the sun starting to peak out. I open my eyes wider to complete shock. 

 In this enormous parking lot, there were no more spots available. I instantly jumped out of the car and headed to the restroom to see how long the wait for the first shuttle was. I was astounded by the number of people already in line for a shuttle as I got closer to the visitor center bathrooms. I began to feel anxious. The line continued to get longer and longer. Shit, I thought. I started to panic.

 I dashed back to the car and urgently awoke my traveling buddy. We frantically packed our backpacks, stuffed our peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches inside, and rushed to the line. The line had grown three times its original size in the time since I was last there. By this time, there were hundreds of people in line. After urgently searching for the end of the line, we met up with a park ranger and he told us that it would take two hours to even get on a shuttle to get into the park by the point we were in line. My jaw dropped and I immediately thought, “I should have never fallen back asleep”.

 We patiently waited in line for two hours before boarding the shuttle. We were then suddenly crammed into the small cars like sardines, and we were suddenly off down the canyon. Peeking through the tops of other riders' heads through the shuttles window, the ride through the canyon was absolutely breathtaking and majestic. The rock formations are larger than life and make you feel so small in comparison to them yet they are very welcoming. It was still early morning so the sun was shining on them directly making them shimmer with gold and silver. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced and I suddenly felt at peace even having to look through a crowd to see it. 

 Our driver stated that we had arrived as we began to pull up to the Angels Landing trailhead. I took a glance around me and noticed the massive line she was warning us about; it circled the trailhead. My friend and I jump off the shuttle and rush to the back of the line yet again. A park ranger approached us a few minutes later and warned us that this line would most likely take 4 hours to wait in until we were even able to BEGIN the hike, which was going to take 3-6 hours to even hike the trail. 

 The ranger explained that because the park was already so crowded, they needed to stagger the amount of people who hike at once to try and preserve the trail. My friend and I agreed to stay and wait for 4 dreaded hours. This hike was one of the top things on my bucket list, I could not come all the way out to Utah to just bail now. 

 The reason for the large lines? A big reason is the social mediazation of national parks. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------


In the midst of finishing up my Junior year in college, I was growing miserable being trapped in my apartment due to Covid placing all of my coursework online. I felt confined, and my daily habit of sitting in front of a laptop for hours on end was both intellectually and physically exhausting. I had the urge to leave Fredericksburg and travel somewhere else less familiar.

 At the time, I spent an embarrassingly large chunk of my time on social media sites like Tik Tok and Instagram. The more time I spent on those apps the more I was fantasized with U.S. National Parks fan accounts. The photos and videos highlighted the beauties and wonders of the various parks. Nothing seemed more important to me than experiencing the peacefulness and distinct beauty of these environments. After hours of scrolling, watching and liking, I finally decided to fly to Arizona and travel around the southwest, exploring and touring the National Parks in Utah and Colorado because I was so appealed to the unique hikes these parks had to offer.

 The main challenge I experienced was the enormous crowds these National Parks brought. I was aware that the parks I intended to visit were extremely popular, but based on what I saw on social media, it appeared like the influencers I saw were enjoying the beauty of these parks without being too disturbed.

 Social media is frequently focused on what viewers want to see, the parks' appearance, rather than what you encounter while visiting them. Many people, like me, are drawn to visit these areas because of the social media presence. Numerous people find that social media is such an important element of documenting their travels that their perception of nature has evolved dramatically as a result of social media.  On a podcast from Adriene Hill and Maria Hollenhorst about how How social media hurts and helps the great outdoors, Casey Schreiner says.

 “Too much love can be a bad thing. And another thing with Instagram and social media is the information that you’re getting is not always the best. So we’re getting new people into the park, which is great, but a lot of times those new people aren’t necessarily educated on leave no trace ethics, or how you act in the wilderness, why you shouldn’t walk on this certain type of soil, or why you shouldn’t take a rock, or why you shouldn’t leave some graffiti on the trail you’ve left.”

 I visited Zion National Park a few days into my road trip. Zion is famous for a hike that has resulted in the deaths of 14 people. This hike's chain segment is the deadliest in the park and also one of the most popularly documented hikes on social media: Angels Landing in Zion National Park. Many people hype up how unique this hike is due to how dangerous this hike is. Often times people use the danger to draw people to the hike on social media through tik toks and Instagram posts.  

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

At about 12, the mid afternoon, the sun was beating hard on our faces. We finally approached the front of the 4 hour line that we had been waiting in, and the park ranger gave us the okay to start heading up the trail. This was definitely not the ideal time to be starting one of the most dangerous hikes in America.


The sun became hotter, the line became longer, and we became exhausted as the hours passed. We'd advance a slight step forward in line every 20 minutes, but it seemed like we'd never get to this hike.

 We arrived at the trailhead and started to climb up the mountain. The hike was already overcrowded, even though the ranger was staggering people up the trail. We were constantly passing groups and groups of people for the first mile and a half. We were continuously on someone's heels, and whenever we stopped for a break, we were surrounded by at least 5 other hikers.

 After the second set of steep switchbacks, we were practically gasping for air, but we had to quickly prepare ourselves for the hike's hardest and scariest stretch: the chain section.

 This section of the hike is on extremely narrow rocks, only a few feet wide, with over 1,000 feet of vertical drop on either side. Only by grabbing onto chains embedded through the rock can you keep yourself safe up there.

The hike always seemed scary but manageable whenever I saw this section on social media because you only had to worry about yourself and the chains. That was not the circumstance when we arrived at this section. There were so many people trying to hike this part at the same time that the only way to keep safe was to move forward in a group in one direction. If hikers approached you on their way back from the Angels Landing summit and wanted to get around you, you had to pause and allow them to grab the chains and squeeze around you in an already tight place. We had to worry about ourselves as well as other hikers getting around you, things became considerably more stressful. 

 While hiking, I continued to take photos and videos for my Instagram account even though that caused me to possibly risk my life. I wanted people to know how incredible Zion was, and I also wanted to brag about my achievements to my friends. I must admit, though, that I was always attempting to capture photos without other people just like how I saw them on social media. I'm not sure if that was because I'm a photographer or because I'm trying to capture the beauty without other people getting in the way of it or for the total purpose of social media.

 Despite the crowds that I ultimately encountered, visiting Zion National Park for the first time was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I will credit social media for showing me the beauty and wonder of these incredible places, and I was able to enjoy them with just a little more wait time than I had originally anticipated. I wasn't able to get as much done in one day as I had hoped, but that did not even bother me. 

 Casey Schreiner, in the podcast titled, How Social Media Hurts and Helps the Great Outdoors, states: “The phrase that you hear most often is that these parks and trails and public lands are being “loved to death.” Basically they are the modern form of sort of publication and awareness, but a lot of times these parks are not equipped to deal with that onslaught of people that come…I think at the end of the day it’s a net positive, because you’re getting people into these special landscapes and they’re experiencing them in many cases for the first time. So if you can get people out to these public lands, and they can see what makes them special and what makes them magical, then you have the chance of turning even a small portion of those people into outdoor stewards.”

 

What does your bedroom say about you?

By: Emily Warren & Victoria R. Percherke

6 college students’ rooms are photographed and judged by peers at The University of Mary Washington.


Research:

In Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, a book about mental processes that work rapidly and automatically from little to no information, mentions a lot can be said about a person just by scanning their bedroom. There was an experiment where the personalities of 80 college students were judged by strangers as well as closest friends who went into their room for 15 minutes. Psychologist Samuel Gosling found out that the strangers did an extremely great job at describing the personality of someone they never met before. 

Gosling also states that someone's bedroom gives three kinds of clues about someone's personality. First is identity claims or how we would like to be seen by the world. Secondly, behavioral residue or clues of our daily behavior that we leave behind. Lastly, our thoughts and feelings or the changes that we make to our space to make us feel a certain way when we are in them. 

According to a psychology article, bedrooms and offices are suited for the projections of personality into physical spaces. Visual cues often reflects stereotypes on sex and race, and first impressions that they make to first-comers. Whether it was prepared or not, the person within the room is still making a statement in which how they keep the space on an everyday basis. 

In conclusion, viewing a variety of college students’ bedrooms will reflect who they are, cleanliness  and what their interests are all based on their decor, how they keep a room and how it is presented to a stranger. 

Experiment:

In this experiment, we decided to conduct an interview with 5 of our peers about the common judgments that society can make just from simply observing someone's room. What makes a room more female or male? Or, what about ethnicity? Or even their interests. What do the objects in one's room say about who these people are without even matching a face. After hosting a 30 minute video, Emily and I have come to the conclusion that the way a room is presented can say a lot about who you are as a person, student, friend or even their passions. For example, if you see a guitar, does that mean they actually play and are into music? Or, if one has house plants, does that immediately mean that they are female? From this video, we encourage viewers to make their own judgments along with our peers. See if they are right. You might just be surprised… 


Bedroom 1:

Room 1

Room 1

Room 1

Room 1

Room 1: A 20 year old college junior. A Communications major. An online editor for the school newspaper. Singer. Yoga instructor. White female.

Judgements on Room 1:


Bedroom 2:

Room 2

Room 2

Room 2

Room 2

Room 2: A 20 year old college sophomore. A Communications major. Loves to play many instruments including the piano, guitar, violin, amongst others. A devout Christian. Works heavily in AV and volunteers often. White male.

Judgements on Room 2:


Bedroom 3:

Room 3

Room 3

Room 3

Room 3

Room 3

Room 3: A 21 year old college senior. A Communications major. Education program for masters. A member of Alpha Mu Sigma which is a co-ed social and service fraternity. White Female.

Judgements on Room 3:


Bedroom 4:

Room 4

Room 4

Room 4

Room 4

Room 4: A 21 year old college senior. A Psychology major. Education program for masters. Works as a waitress and a hostess at a local sushi restaurant in Fredericksburg. White Female.

Judgements on Room 4:


Bedroom 5:

Room 5

Room 5

Room 5

Room 5: A 21 year old college senior. A Mathematics major with a minor in Cyber Security. A member of UMW varsity women’s swimming and Chi Alpha Sigma. Also a captain of the swim team. Moved from the Phillipians to the US. Asian Female.

Judgements on Room 5:


Bedroom 6:

Room 6

Room 6

Room 6

Room 6: A 21 year old college senior. A Biomedical Science major. A member at the Center for Faith and Leadership. Plays intramural sports. Loves Basketball. Indian Male.

Judgements on Room 6:

The Art of The Funcle

Mason Godek

Should you have a beer with your niece? Yes, just tell her parents later.

In my experience as a cultural consumer of movies and literature alike I have always noticed the important role of an aunt. Whether this role be from the famous 90’s show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air with Aunt Viv being a staunch figure in Will’s life as he needed role models to change his troubling behavior or Miss Bates from Emma by Jane Austen who’s love of her niece she could discuss for days upon days. There are a few exceptions with Harry Potter’s Aunt Marge, however, these types of Aunts often play a less significant role than that of the inspiring Aunt. Aunts often play an important role as moral guidance, firm yet loving discipline, or even just a goofy character that the nephew or niece looks up to.

I remember seeing my niece for the first time. She has the biggest blue eyes and the biggest head I have ever seen on a baby. I remember being speechless as I walked into my sisters house, all I could do was just hold her and make sure she had everything she needed. For me this was an experience I had never felt before. When holding a baby that has close blood ties with you just feels right in a way. I had never really been into the idea of working with kids or even going as far to say I would be a good role model for them but when my niece arrived my whole perspective changed. I decided that I wanted to be involved in my niece’s life to the point where when she is older she knows she has a great role model to look up to. 

Recently my best friend, my sister, just had a daughter and in my patience of waiting on the baby to arrive I began to wonder. Why is it hard to judge what uncle I should be for my niece? I was confused on what role I need to play as an uncle in my niece’s life. Given movie and literature examples it was hard to find important figures that presented a positive impact on their respective nieces and nephews. Why is it that we see a more nurturing side to Aunts in our culture rather than the uncle?

I feel as though aunts have more of a label of being nurturing and they will always be a shoulder to cry on. There is this stereotype in the Aunt world that we see pop up in plenty of movies and books. Many women in fact have adopted the stereotype and even coined the term “PANK”, Professional Aunt No Kids. However, when researching to see if the aunt role was just more nurturing due to gender/hormonal influence I came across interesting results. Emma Seppala from berkeley.edu says that, “In short, compassion is natural and no gender differences have emerged across these studies”. This was interesting because it shows how aunts have been made to seem more nurturing than the uncle by our culture and maybe this is due to gender biases. 

In my research endeavors when looking for figures to model my own behavior after I found most uncles to be one stereotype, one that is an uncle who is always having a smile on his face always telling the niece or nephew crazy stories from their childhood. In addition, the uncle was also never married, much like Uncle Jesse in Full House (until he gets married). Most importantly, the stereotype of the Uncle is something I feel as though it is widely known. This stereotype of the uncle is otherwise known as the “funcle.” My sister has begun to use this term quite a bit as well. I decided to see if the funcle was the best way to go about the uncle role or if this stereotype is purely for cultural entertainment. 

Delving into the process I started to look for what factors most positively influence a niece’s life in the role of an Uncle. According to a study that was published in Journal of Youth and Adolescence the study found that 13% of nieces and nephews found the uncle to be among the most important role models, following the father and brother afterwards. To be this important role model Amy Goyer, a family expert for AARP, suggests the role of an uncle to be an open minded, a great listener and shoulder to cry on free of judgement. In addition to this, the uncle must be in touch via phone or social media in order to create the unique connection the niece or nephew requires. Uncles seem to be more effective if they support parental decision making and provide an emotional backbone 


 Absence will create nothing but an awkward relationship with one’s niece or nephew. 


Unfortunately when scouring the internet for the right way to be an uncle I started to notice the connection to the so called funcle. I found several blog posts, even a couple of magazine articles pertaining to the idea of the funcle. These funcle instruction manuals gave way to uncles just being way too laid back, acts more like an older brother and does not try to be emotionally supportive. I felt as though this was the case with my uncles and this is why I am questioning the role of what I should be for my niece. I never really felt as though I could talk to them about personal complaints to parents. 

Upon completing all of this research I finally figured out what type of uncle to be for my niece. The funcle in perspective sounds like it should be the wrong way to treat your niece but in reality I feel as though this funcle character is the right way to go. However, this does not mean one provides a laid back perspective for their niece or nephew. The funcle should still be firm with discipline as the child’s parents would be. As a funcle it is one’s job to let the child try new things their parents would not normally be okay with. For example, even having a beer with them (Once they reach a reasonable age of course)! The funcle provides emotional support of no other kind as a joyous confidant who teaches life lessons to their niece yet knows how to point the child in an explorative direction. So, be a funcle, just don’t be too funcle.


Good Morning, Mr. West

Mason Godek

The room is buzzing with media and supporters as the presidential candidate takes the stage. The stage is cascaded by a contrasting blue that makes every person on the stage reflect importance. The candidate is wearing a wood colored bullet proof vest with the word “Security” in all white lettering below the neck cutoff of the vest. The crowd is starting to quiet down as the Candidate speaks. The candidate was already known for his controversial history for these events. 

This candidate of importance is none other than Kanye West.


Mr. West takes the stage with swagger chatting with his supporters up front and his security team as well. For about the first twenty minutes of his speech Mr. West invited his supporters to the stage to express the issues they would like him to represent with varying issues ranging from education, abortion to racial injustices. 


Until Mr. West starts to lose his cool in a transition from complete comedian/politician combination to a hysteric individual who quickly breaks down into crying. 


“My mom saved my life. There would have been no Kanye West. Because my dad was too busy.” The crowd grew quiet as Mr. West softly cried to himself explaining his recent past with abortion and how his father seeked his abortion. 



Kanye West announced his run for president in the 2020 election around July 4th, 2020. Following the announcement Kanye West held a supporter rally in Charleston, South Carolina where he aimed to gain or listen to his supporters about the issues they sought for him to represent. His support however began to fade after the rally was held with multiple videos of controversy emerging around the internet. 


“Well, Harriet Tubman never actually freed the slaves, she just had the slaves go work for other white people,” was among the many controversial quotes taken from this speech.


Mr. West has been a topic of discussion the second he took the world stage. I never followed the scrutiny Mr. West faced as I was more of another fan who looked for only his next project to drop. Not until recently did I question his media presence as his influence is nevertheless interesting with several news headlines critiquing his actions at any given time. I began to discover the social media personality that Mr. West had begun to build from the start of his career and see if this affected my take on his trend setting songwriting and creation. 



Kanye’s reign began prior to my listening endeavors as he was discovered by my younger self around 2009 when he previously dropped two of his most famous albums, Graduation and 808’s and Heartbreaks. Kanye West was introduced to me by my sister who is about nine years older than me so her music taste was nevertheless trendy at the time. From this very moment I was introduced to not only West’s genius production of music but so many blends of soul, R&B, jazz and many more genres of music that West incorporated into his eccentric, vibe riddled beats. His music shaped my taste to this very day. 


Kanye West from then has completely taken off with a total of twenty one Grammy awards with thirteen studio albums to date. Mr. West has amassed over 1.5 billion dollars in his time as a rap mogul with an entire shoe and clothing company that plays a large part in his enormous amount of wealth. 


However, apart from being one of the world’s biggest rap moguls and fashion moguls, Kanye is still one of the most critiqued celebrities found in the media. Notably, Mr. West’ first controversial moment on the scene is from a Hurricane Katrina relief concert. Mr. West is with fellow celebrity Mike Myers where the two were supposed to be discussing the plan of action and situation of the massive Hurricane. West took the opportunity to go off script and say, “Geogre Bush doesn't care about black people.” Mr. West then received his first form of media criticism.


Following the incident, his list of controversies kept growing to this day. With instances such as him posing for a photo shoot for Rolling Stone magazine where he is seen wearing a crown of thorns to represent his similarities to Jesus. The media interpreted this as a move of ego on his part. 


Additionally, Kanye West also took the stage at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards where he rushed the stage after Taylor Swift received the award for best female video. He then proceeded to rush the stage to say, “I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time!" 


My initial response to reading throughout most of these controversial moments Kanye West has had was more confusing than anything. I struggled to see any of the behavior to be believable just based off of the lyrics he uses in his music. Many of his lyrics in earlier albums consisted of progressive lyrics discussing the racial injustices the black community have gone through and how the America we live in is biased towards corporations. Sure the occasional rapper will flaunt their jewelry, money, and among other things. However, Kanye West always seemed to rap with purpose in many of his songs compared to different rappers. So the initial reaction of seeing this bugged me quite a bit. 


It was almost as if his mood while making music versus that of being in the spotlight was more calming for him. That is when I discovered something about Mr. West that completely changed my view of him, his music, and the way people portray him. 


Around 2016 Mr. West was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder by definition is disorder where an individual experiences episodes of emotional manic highs and dangerous emotional lows that can hinder one’s mind if not properly treated. Treatments may include therapy or medication. 


Examples of Kanye West’s bipolar disorder can be attributed to several incoherent tweets that can be found throughout his twitter history. In addition, we can see that in the speech he gave in South Carolina can be linked to his disorder as throughout the speech he experiences symptoms and several emotional highs and lows. 


What changed my confusion to ultimately a satisfied consensus was this knowledge of his bipolar disorder. The disorder can be seen throughout the discography of his earlier albums to his later albums. 


Albums such as The College Dropout, Late Registration, and Graduation all have sounds of hype, off the wall beats with jazzy undertones that bring forth a soothing of the soul. They convey a more focused and driven Kanye West that ultimately looks for progessive change. 


Although if we advance forward after Kanye West’s many controversies throughout the late 2000’s into the early 2010’s we get a different style of rap from the certified hitmaker.


These later albums into the 2010’s convey a more lost sound where Kanye West almost takes a look at his controversies and tries to explain his reasoning. He also gives off the vibe that he could care less about the media in some of his songs and almost just wants to add fuel to the fire he already started with these news outlets. The sounds of these songs are riddled with hard hitting drums, vocals, lacking the earlier soft, ear soothing jazzy beats that he originally used. 


This use of drums and angry, irate beats can only explain Kanye West’s frustration with perhaps the world or himself. I do not necessarily agree with everything he says but I also feel the media portrays him in a negative way when he clearly needs help. If you just follow the music and lyrics he uses, especially on albums like Donda or The Life of Pablo (which does bring back forth some soul) you can see a clear frustration with his personal life and the way he is portrayed. 


I feel as though the media needs to take what he says and does with a grain of salt. Mr. West clearly experiences episodes and I feel as though the media fails to recognize such instances leading the narrative to attack him in a way. 


Some things I took away from my research/experiment was an entire different look at artists in general. I realized that we glorify these individuals to a point where they almost are not allowed to mess up and we forget that mistakes lie within everyone’s everyday action. In addition, I am going to look at Kanye West’s music in a new light by looking for the emotion in his music to entirely interpret his meaning rather than just considering the surface level of his songs.


Why so hard to make friends? 

Ayana Jefferson 

 

“HE’S JUST A FRIEND DAD!” ... I tried to explain to my father as he sat angrily on the couch looking at the television continuously ignoring me.  

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was in fourth grade and about nine years old. I had just gotten off the phone with my close friend Justin after eagerly getting home from school. We had previously swapped numbers that day and although I had other buddies in my class, Justin was my closest friend. The only problem was that he was a boy, and I was a girl. The whole scenario had felt like I was in Romeo and Juliet, as if we couldn’t be friends just because we were of a different sex. For the longest I understood societies gender norms, but it didn’t mean I had to agree with them. What was the big deal with me having a friend who happened to be a guy? 

Now that I’m older and in college, I rarely even think back to the event that took place years ago. That was until I was on the phone with my current best friend Herve, yes who is also a guy, had made me realize that he was not just my best friend but only my guy friend.  

“I can’t believe I never paid attention to myself always being surrounded by my female friends. I mean how come I never had more than one close guy friend,” I asked Herve.  

For years it seemed as though I was only ever interested in only having female friends, but why? After I got off the phone I sat on my bed and dug deep into my mind, why wasn’t my friend group more mixed with males. I mean, I have gained friends of different races, ethnicities, sexualities and even religions but not gender. 

Scientific data shows that as individuals get older, they grow closer to developing same opposite sex friendships. “Although preadolescence continues to be characterized primarily by same-sex friendships (Zarbatany et al. 2000), the occurrence of other-sex friendships begins to increase in early adolescence”. Starting at the age of 2 children begin to drift to form more friends of their same gender. “Same-sex friendship dominates the childhood peer socialization experience from preschool through grade school” ... is apparent as early as at 2 years old, and observes that boys and girls accomplish social adaptation within same-sex friendships”.  

As a young adult I never strongly paid attention to the subconscious changes that I had developed as I became older. But thinking more about the matter I began to put together multiple possible explanations to why this may be and for others in the same situation as me. First and foremost, the thoughts and pressures of society and family. We all know that when we see a girl and guy walking into a store together, we assume they are either dating or possibly relatives, that is if they even look alike. We assume that guys and girls can’t be just friends because at some point they WILL be romantically involved with one another, proving that opposite sex relationships could never just be a friendship. 

No matter how far back we go males and females have always been taught to stay within their own groups, but where does it stem from? Well, this can be from many reasons from man-made laws forcing both sexes to abide by their codes or science defining the males as superior and women as inferior. Or maybe even religious text and beliefs that define how men and women should behave and act. Why does this matter? And how do certain actions separate us? Well once we start conforming on how we believe certain groups should behave we begin to divide ourselves. For example, men being the big, strong and masculine later adopted the role as the hunter, dominant, rough and tough persona. While the more frail and weaker women were left to become gathers and care takers of the children. These roles have stayed with us for thousands of years and divided us into what we know and tend to generalize with each other today. 

Changes can and should begin through society and parenting. Society has forever played a heavy role in individual's lifestyles and choices but if society were to move from separating genders and allowing children and adults to intermix and chose who they wish to associate with freely then this chaotic self-confusion would decrease as a result. While some may seem fine seeing a girl with a group of guy friends, and vice-versa, others tend to pass negative judgement due to the fact as we get older some of us develop negative ideas and push them onto others when we do not understand nor respect the situation. Parents who teach and guide their children should accept and allow their children to have healthy relationships with both boys and girls.

I realized that although I have come to learn why I have chosen to form friendships with only females, that it will now take time for me to regain a sense of comfort approaching males with the intention of friendship. I must take control of my own life and not allow society, family, gender norms, or even my own hesitation to get in the way, because I realize that I lose the opportunity to go after what I want and gain new friendships. We have to realize society as a whole will not change overnight and that we, ourselves, cannot go back and undo what has been done so that we may re-submerge ourselves to be comfortable with one another. 

Perfecting Veganism

The inner struggle I have with myself and being perfect with everything I do.

By: Gabby Carrion

I was back on a vegan diet and had spent $50 on some pretty underwhelming groceries: some meat alternatives, awful vegan cheese, and baby avocados. Regardless I was starving since all I’d had all day was a Go-Go Squeeze, so I got to work preparing something. I cooked up some beefless nuggets and squash. To be honest, I have never really cooked meat before so a sigh of relief came over me when the bag said “not real meat, do not overcook.” My mouth was starting to water as my Jello consistency meat was almost ready to eat. I sat down at my dinner table and dug in.

But right as I was finishing up, my roommate walked in and started making the chicken tacos we had bought from Costco together a week before, when I wasn’t on the diet yet. She said to me, “We have to eat these soon, or else they are going to go bad.” I looked at her and sighed. She wasn’t wrong. The tacos were about to go bad, and I was not about to waste $15. I contemplated eating the tacos for a while, arguing with myself, which may I add, never ends on a happy note. To spare me time and suffering, I asked her to make me a plate and we chatted about our day and my many boy problems. 

For the rest of the day, I felt terrible. Eating the chicken was a good thing, right? I mean, I didn’t waste food, I helped the environment, I didn't waste money. But on the other hand, I broke my diet and ate a helpless chicken who could have had a chance. I know it was already dead, but the whole supply and demand made them kill another chicken because I had bought it in the first place. 

This is a story about me and my various diets. The first diet I went on I was a vegetarian. I wanted to eat healthier and after some research, I decided this was the best way to do this. I was doing a great job at first. My mother made me some bean, corn, and tomato salads which were super refreshing and my entire family loves them. She also made some rice and beans which is a staple in my household since were Hispanic. Although this didn’t last long.  

After a couple of weeks, I started craving chicken nuggets. When my family would make them for dinner and then vacate to the living room to watch TV I would sneak back into the kitchen, grab a nugget, and head to the bathroom to eat it. I hated the feeling of breaking this diet. I could have done better, had an alternative that almost tastes the exact same, but I didn’t. And I hated myself for it.

This has always been a struggle for me, breaking diets. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my daily life; being a marketing student makes it even harder. I am a very creative person and when I don't like an advertisement I made, it makes me stressed out and I ask everyone and their mother to help me out. 

And now, again, I was failing at my diet. Just eating the chicken, or the spoon full of ice cream that I had for a pick-me-up at work later, practically killed me. It kept happening. Veganism was making me hate myself every day when I broke my diet or even looked at a juicy burger.

I wanted to cry at inappropriate times, for no good reason may I add, and I was just feeling more anxious than usual. There were times where I had to break my diet because I was about to pass out. I’m human and sometimes I forget to pack my lunch the day before, so I went to get Panera or Hissho Sushi to tie me over.  

I realized that the feelings I had were very familiar to me. In high school I had an eating disorder, I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia and anorexia. I limited my eating and worked out constantly. If a piece of cake even came close to my mouth I would hide, and if it somehow managed to enter my mouth I would go for a run. It wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t even doing it for myself. I was in lightweight rowing and I had to lose weight every single week so my boat could race. If any one of us were overweight, the race would be over. 

The commonality here was my perfectionism. According to this article I stumbled upon, “ It was also predicted that perfectionists would rate their progress more harshly and consequently drop out … Additionally, perfectionism, self-efficacy, and self-control would constitute a significant portion of the variance in diet success. ” This basically states that I didn’t have a chance. My view on mistakes and being perfect all the time was getting in my way. 

In the end, I ended up not liking the diet. After suffering from an eating disorder in the past, I decided that restricting my food was a trigger and not a good thing for me. If I ever were to start up a diet I would have to meal plan, make my food, and learn to let myself mess up every once in a while. 

Being vegan is very restricting, on what you can eat and where you can go. In order for me to be successful in a diet, I need to learn to give myself some slack and let go of putting myself down for little things like eating a chicken taco.   

I feel like this experience has shown me the light in my perfectionism ways. In a good and bad way. I know I’m a perfectionist, that’s not new information, but I think I’ve realized it’s a good thing. I am strict on myself and can discipline myself when I need to, even though it’s something as stupid as eating meals. 

I used to think being a perfectionist is a bad thing because I have slight OCD as well. But as stated earlier I have grown to appreciate it and now tell potential employers I’m a perfectionist because it makes me work hard and love everything I do. 

Welcome...NOW GET OUT!!! 

Ayana Jefferson 

 

The area of Church Hill, in Eastside Richmond VA, is changing but not for its original residents. With the buying of old property, an increase in property tax and the pushing out of old residents many know the outcome... GENTRIFICATION. 

 

I grew up in Church Hill. The worn-down buildings and houses were my norm. I remember my friends and I would all play outside together and that we never saw an ice cream truck drive by or got to order pizza.  

My dad would always tell me “This is Church Hill Yana, it’s too dangerous for them to come around here.” When inside, I would always hear the police and ambulance sirens. I remember the adults, including my dad and uncle, would always be discussing someone who had been shot or murdered. I will never forget the new jail built only a few minutes from my home as we drove by the new building, which was next to a few old schools that desperately needed renovation. My sister and I were always told not to go far from the house and that we weren’t supposed to be out when the streetlights came on and it got dark outside. 

But my memories aren’t all sad. I was surrounded by caring and compassionate neighbors. I had many childhood friends that were in my neighborhood. I remember my dad taking my younger sister and I to the playground and we would befriend others who were from the “projects” or “ghetto.” Our neighborhood would have block parties and the local church would give away schools supplies to kids. My friends and I would ride our bikes down the block and chase each other around the run-down playground. In the end, does it even matter what good deeds were done and what good times were shared?  

The neighborhood is changing due to one large force: GENTRIFICATION, which according to the Oxford Dictionary means: “The process whereby the character of a poor urban area is changed by wealthier people moving in, improving housing, and attracting new businesses, typically displacing current inhabitants in the process. Or the process of making someone or something more refined, polite, or respectable.” 

 The conflict residing in these definitions, alone, is very offensive. It suggests that wealthy outsiders can just come in and enforce their rules and will within a community so that they may benefit from this themselves. While the ones subjected to this form of harsh form of treatment are usually poor African Americans and Latinos. In this case African Americans who make up majority of the East Church Hill area. This form of lawful “colonialism” is unfair and disrespectful to the generations of individuals who have made Church Hill their home, through the good and the bad, are now being subjected to high mortgage rates that they can’t afford to pay and results in them being forced to move from their homes to only live in another “run down area.” The history of gentrification has never seemed to help or assist the original residents. I’ve seen it happen over and over in many places. But now I’m seeing it affect the people I love. 

 Richmond, the capital of Virginia, although not as large and spectacular as many of the more glamorized cities in America, has its nice restaurants and tourist spots. But with the good comes the bad. Many people do not realize Richmond is ranked the most unsafe, crime-filled city in the state of Virginia. Church Hill is one of the most violent areas in Richmond. While the facts can’t be denied that Churchill and most of East Side Richmond is higher in crime, poverty, and eviction rates. The area has a culture that shares the same idea of the stereotypical poor black neighborhood with cars blasting loud rap music, and over excessive amount of corner stores, liquor stores, and gas stations that sell fried chicken and a mood that exudes danger and an unsafe area.  

“Here you see so many run-down houses that aren’t maintained; shutters falling off, windows broken, and roofs falling apart...some of these black people don’t take care of their houses and run down the community,” stated my father, Darell Jefferson.

I interviewed Ms. Diana Jackson, an African American resident of Church Hill who has lived in the area all her life. She had explained that throughout her lifetime she saw a lot of reconstruction of the city and over the years watched the area continue to change. It was in 1969 that she moved to Holland Park, a previously predominately white area. She even shared with me a few words she recalled from an older white woman who lived across from her: “When black people move in white people move out,” and it was true in this case. Ms. Jackson explained to me that she had definitely noticed that the Church Hill area had become more mixed and that she believed that the area would continue to change as more white residents were moving in.  

She noticed an increase in her property taxes as more houses on nearby blocks were being rebuilt and occupied by new residents. She also mentioned that although she did not mind, and even preferred a more mixed neighborhood, she felt that this would not benefit black residents who were forced to leave their homes and forced to move to other areas. Ms. Jackson also did not believe that it would help with all the issues faced in her community with poverty and crime, that the cycle would only restart, just in some place new. Her strong belief was that the people affected needed to educate themselves and take a stand.  

“Black people need to fight for what they want and believe, but they also need the backing of higher officials and government to help them get out of this continuous struggle,” said Ms. Jackson. 

When I discussed this with my father he had this to say, “I feel like I’m on both sides of the fence about it because this allows me and many other people in the neighborhood to sale our houses for much higher prices than they are worth. While on the other hand this does not necessarily help the dilemma of many black Americans who often are caught repeating the cycle of gentrification. Along with living in poverty-stricken neighborhoods with high crime rates”. 

The changes are already happening on a large scale. Research shows that the Richmond area, including Church Hill, has seen a major decrease in the African American population over the past few decades. “In four census tracts in Richmond, the black population fell 45 percent between 1990-2010, while the white population increased 30 percent in the same area. The city’s overall population increased 10 percent over the same time,” according to the report from Virginia Mercury.  

I’ve long known gentrification as the process of a poor urban areas being changed by wealthier people moving in, improving housing, and attracting new businesses, typically displacing current inhabitants in the process. To some extent, it’s inevitable. I have come to realize that everything that has a beginning has an end. This same saying applies to the situation at hand. But I also believe there’s a kinder and more considerate approach.  

Let me make an analogy. Let’s say you have a car with a few issues, you can 1. put in time, energy, and money to have it fixed or 2. replace the car entirely. The situation many gentrified areas are facing is that not only is neighborhood being “replaced” but the civilians in these poor neighborhoods are getting replaced too. There are ways that can combine the two scenarios of revitalizing the area and allowing the original inhabitants to keep their homes and culture while uplifting and helping create a better community in the many ways that are needed. Examples of what could be done to help allow for original residents to stay and benefit from the change in their community could be: city laws concerning affordable housing to make sure cost of housing is no more than 30% of household income. Along with government set zoning laws to ensure that areas do not become overly gentrified and Community groups are more involved in the early planning stages of urban renewal projects. 

As stated by Don Coleman, a resident of Church Hill, “The hope in all of this is that there is a generation of young people will sound the alarm and fight to be a part of solutions rather than surrender to the brokenness of our world. It will also take courage on the part of those who have benefited from past inequities to give back as a demonstration of their sincerity in seeing true opportunities for all. Truth be told until all of us want what’s best for all of us no matter what it cost us the broken systems seem to keep the oppressed: oppressed.” 

Dear Hollywood, Stop Romanticizing College and Giving Students False Hope

The romantic idea is sickly sweeter than reality

By Jai-leah Garcia

College movies are kind of a scam. Let me explain. I watched Legally Blonde recently and I no longer had that mesmerized feeling as I once did when I first saw it. Back then, I was mesmerized with the college culture. Everyone was so free and independent, and living in a dorm looked so fun. This time, I was more angry towards the movie. I wasn’t sure why. Was I angry with myself? Angry at the message that dedication and hard work can get us through? Why did this movie make me so angry?

Movies make college seem like either this fun, party filled time where students barely go to class or the golden years of finding your lifelong partner and best friends that you will keep forever. Pop culture seems to be romanticizing college more than ever before. And yet, the actual college experience seem less stress-free than ever. There are enormous loans, a rough job market and lately, Covid-19. Going to college no longer feels like the stress-free step it used to be. 

In my case, there’s an extra barrier between the movies and real life. I live at home. There isn’t really a movie explaining a college student living at home and going to school while working at the same time. Our culture loves the idea that once you enter college, you go off and say goodbye to mom and dad and you now enter this independent world where parents are not on your back all the time. I, meanwhile, am entering adulthood while living at home.

Because college movies don’t show what college is like for a student like me, let me show you.

* * *

In our culture, commuting to and from college is only really shown through the example of community college. But even in those examples, it feels as though if you live at home, you have no independence. Instead, it’s viewed as if you are super dependent on mom and dad and are not able to become independent because you live at home. That’s definitely not my experience.

I’m paying for part of my college education, so I have two jobs. My days usually start with waking up at 4:30 am to get ready to go to work. I get dressed, and drive up to Stafford to arrive at my job in morning childcare from 5:45am-7:30am. It’s a few hours, but it gets the day going. Once I get through the thirty minute commute, I lay back into bed for my power nap, and that usually is about an hour before my first class. Some days my school day starts at 9:30 am while other days it starts at 10 am.

On days that I start at 10 am, I’m usually in class for most of the day until 12 pm. 12 pm I head home to eat my lunch for an hour, and on the second hour of my lunch break I start driving my parents to work. Then I head back to class. After my my last class, which runs from 2 - 3:15 pm, I check my planner and it is filled to the brim with meetings. I fit in a snack to keep me going and off I go to different meetings for most of the afternoon.

Once meetings are all done, I am heading home for the day to feed my dog and to walk him. Usually during this time, I usually get a call to pick up a parent. Then there’s pick up, drop off, doing some homework and eventually sleep. Where’s the time to have dinner with friends or to have a boyfriend? I can barely keep up. Let alone even think of going to a party on a weeknight. Because the next morning starts early again.

Looking at my schedule in a typical week, it is very different from a typical college student. It’s interesting to hear my peers talk about how busy my schedule is or when they will ever see me again. While I am mad that I don’t have the privilege of a “typical” college life, I guess there are ways that I have more real independence than my friends who live in the dorms do. They go home on weekends to see their parents and go right back to being a kid.

But the relationship that I have with my parents is actually changing. My parents always knew that I would be busy once I entered college. Working two jobs in order to pay tuition and bills along with my own needs has taken them off my back for the most part. They’re getting better at getting off my back about my responsibilities, and they have also had a clear understanding of how much I’ve sacrificed in order to make ends meet. When I once talked to my mom about how much I work and how much I do versus another college student, I remember a look that she gave me.

It wasn’t an angry look, but more like an understanding look, a look that was different. She looked at me like an adult, having an adult conversation. She looked at me as if I was a young, independent woman. That moment was a moment that gave me a different perspective. 

We were in the car, on the way to my mom’s job. It was a typical conversation, the ones where I would rant about my day and my mom would listen. I remember I was having a really bad time with myself and where I was at with college. I talked to her about what we had discussed in one of my classes about sacrifices. The more I talked about college, the more serious my tone got. It was no longer a conversation between mother and daughter, but a conversation between two adults.

It almost felt in that car ride like the falling action in a movie. It felt different, and maybe it was different. Talking to my mom and having her see me as an adult felt new to me. It felt as though maybe all these sacrifices that I made had a greater impact than I expected.

* * *

I know that I haven’t had the typical college experience, but the main college experience that culture loves to express is independence. I’ve gained a different independence which is becoming independent from mom and dad. I don’t depend on them to pay for my necessities or even help me with the bills. My independence has stemmed from the amount of work I have to do, which gives me a different perspective of the real world. The “real world” in a college perspective is taking care of yourself.

For so long, I’ve been mad that my life is not the privileged college life I always dreamed of. However, I have gained something from my own college experience. Yes, school is like a third job for me, but it is a job that I have to do. But I’m not as upset about it. Sure, the lack of a schedule is one that I wish was more achievable for me, but the independence is one that I would say I prefer over the movies. Do I still wish that Hollywood would make a more realistic form of the college movie? Yes.

But I realize that it will be people like me, who have other, less privileged experience and work hard to get an education, who will be the ones to create that.

I Swear Everyone, I’m Fine

Societal judgments just can’t help but add salt to the wound sometimes.

By Anne Smith

 

“You have a problem with everyone around you, but as I see it, there is an obvious explanation here,” my therapist said.

At 12 years of age, I had been in therapy for a year as it was suggested for my sister and me to get help processing our parents’ impending divorce. In this particular session, I was talking about my never-ceasing frustration with the unreciprocated relationships I had around me. The point she would eventually digress to is now that I am a child from a broken home, as in my mother and father are divorced, she said that I was likely to follow their pattern and be unable to make a stable home for myself. This was the first time that I’d been exposed to this idea.  

Her therapeutic water fountain was trickling as she uttered that statement, it almost mocked me with its tranquility as I was in disbelief, in a “child growing-up overnight” sense, feeling like someone just chucked a ball right at my head. It was humiliating, I went from having the perfect house in the friendly neighborhood to sitting on a gray, broken-in couch hearing some therapist tell me news I thought was only told to people who did something to deserve it. Later on, I would be angry but not know it at the time. Looking back, she really ripped off a band-aide that maybe didn’t need to be removed so early on, or at all?  

Come to find out, she really wasn’t the right therapist for me, as there was a continued pattern of blaming my family’s shattering on my outlook. But I’ve thought about that conversation for years.

* * *

It is estimated that around 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or some type of separation. And yet, societal opinion about the decision to divorce is negative. Setting that precedent is the negative portrayal of divorce in media, “It was common to see popular media portray a traditional family as good, while families affected by divorce were characterized as dysfunctional.” stated Merel Family Law P.C. In a study conducted by Victor Hiller and Magali Recoules they stated, “An increase in the proportion of individuals who disregard the stigma from social norms will rise divorce rate.”

That being said, I will admit the outcome of a study conducted by Wilkinson and Finkbeiner Family Law Attorneys on divorce doesn’t help my case, saying “Children of divorce are 50 percent more likely to marry another child of divorce.” To make matters worse I am at higher risk as they go on to reveal, “Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.”

I know that doesn’t bode well for me.

The more I searched the more I found this was a stereotype many believed or even played into. This may have been why, when my parents got divorced, people talked to me like I’d gone through some misfortune.

* * *

 Spoiler alert, even after an assertion made by a therapist more than a decade ago, I have found that my parent’s divorce was one of the best things for me.

When the explosion of my parents’ initial separation ended and we got into our new norm, I didn’t have much experience with non-traditional nuclear family living situations, I was very naïve. Surprisingly it wasn’t the melting away of the union that my parents vowed to keep that dazed me, but responses to it. There were staring eyes, heads turning, and pursed lips. Never mind trying to step out of the turmoil of my parent's relationship, but the reactions made me feel like a criminal on trial. And I had no control over it.

There were remarks such as, “Well this is a consequence of things being allowed to fall apart that you’re going to learn how to live with” or “I’m so sorry you are going to have to deal with this from now on but be aware of how it affects your relationships.” I felt like people were telling me from the beginning that I would be messed up from the divorce, this was a defeating narrative, even as an adult now.

While some people meant well, even when they were saying the wrong thing, because even as a kid, I could pick up on the not-so-subtle theme, I am a product of instability. Regardless of the tone or presentation, there was hardly ever an original perspective on the situation, I was stuck with the same negative reinforcement around me. Within myself, there was a growing feeling of the need to be self-conscious.

Admittedly, religion reared its head into the situation making it worse at times. I was involved in a youth group at the church I was going to at the time. But when I say involved, I mean similar to a dog being allowed to run around in a yard only if he is leased and anchored to a stake in the yard, to prevent him from running too far in any direction. My previous therapist’s judgment of me wasn’t unique to her professional opinion. Because I was allowed to participate in events and sing during worship, but outside that, no trust was placed in me.

I was told it was because “I am emotionally immature due to my circumstances” and “I had no good examples to lead me in life”. Therefore, I was only ever meant to be a sheep in a group of shepherds because of my home life. Slowly as the dismissive treatment got in the way of friendships, and growth opportunities, I began to boil over with hurt. The adult leaders of this group who boxed me in didn’t realize they were doing more harm than good.

But as I said, I learned to see the lesson in messy circumstances. During those years in my life, I learned there could be a positive to all this that gives me an edge to help others in a way the others in the youth group couldn’t.

There came a growing sense that yes, divorce did change the fact that I was unique in my outlook, but it wasn’t the type to thwart possibility for me.  

* *  *

The tables started to turn at the beginning of college. Really, I am not quite sure what made me get back up on the horse and try again with therapy, but I felt it was the right thing to do. There was no settling, I wasn’t happy with the way things were.

Maybe there was another approach to working through all that had happened to me while breaking down the patterns I had built up for the future.  And there was, it was called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Through this process, everything was questioned.  As time went on in CBT, I learned a lot about myself. Unlike the band-aide that was ripped off several years ago, these realizations happened at the right time and launched me further into believing I wouldn’t sabotage my relationships moving forward.

Tracking my thought process to better understand my emotions and therefore regulate my reactions, was the golden ticket. The only person who can dictate how I act regardless of what my parents went through was me, which means if I don’t want to be “broken”, I don’t have to be. This also highlighted the uphill battle I was fighting to control other people’s opinions was on the subject. With the guidance of my CBT therapist, she would reinforce I was more than a distorted image of other people’s negligent quips. She would say, “You are capable of connecting to others and forming healthy relationships”.

No longer did I succumb to the mindset that would only lead down a predestined path. Moving forward I recognized my future was separate from what took place in the past. There will always be a heightened awareness for society’s judgments, this depiction of misfortune that only gathered shallow sympathy and disapproval. Like a proverbial ball and chain, it has been the narrative to so many others in this scenario. If truly 50 percent of marriages end up this way, then is the other 50 percent that not divorced, the more respectable portion of society? What if divorce was as accepted as marriage?  I don’t like idealizing what would happen if they were still together, but all I know is much growth arose from the end of my parents’ marriage. And not even my therapist from all those years ago couldn’t tell me that isn’t a positive.

Students Are Back at What Cost?

College students are struggling to meet academic demands post-covid

By Callie Jordan and Gabby Carrion

An ordinary afternoon suddenly turned into a chaotic nightmare when students were suddenly evacuated home in the Spring of 2020 due to COVID-19.

In the beginning, hopeful students received confident messaging that their displacement was only a temporary fixture until conditions were safe for their eventual return. However, the two-week deadline quickly came and went as new information surfaced about the virus. 

In the weeks and months following, students quickly learned that they would finish the semester in a fashion, unlike any other, completely online and at home. For the remainder of 2020, students adjusted to quarantine, lockdowns, masking, social distancing, and completing school work via Zoom, Slack, Microsoft Teams, and Google Meet. 

Although things were uncertain and bleak, everyone was navigating it together, supporting each other, and extending grace, kindness, and a sense of shared humanity and connectedness.

Understanding and leniency ended when the vaccine arrived and was distributed in mass.  Now students were required to be fully vaccinated before arriving on campus again, many for the first time since they left. An effective protectant against the virus meant that the operations of the past could resume as they had before.

Colleges and Universities decided to embrace the model of the past instead of the new normal as if nothing had changed in the past year and a half at all. Class modalities and formats reverted back to in-person offerings in lecture halls with other students, spaced and masked. Schools were eager to make up for lost profit and went on to value the business of higher education over students’ wellbeing.

On the ground, members of faculty too seemed ready to be back in the classroom teaching face-to-face and expected the same joyful, reciprocal reaction from their pupils. Deadlines were enforced, extensions were denied, and the syllabus was upheld regardless of personal, outside of the classroom conflicts in an out-of-touch manner that failed to meet the moment.

Not only were students out of practice but having to show up consistently to meet and mingle with new people led to hyperstimulation and being overwhelmed. The pressure was on to constantly perform.

When faced with these barriers and high, unrealistic, and unforgiving standards, students’ motivation and eagerness to learn were quickly dwindling.

To figure out how other college students are navigating this shift back to in-person classes, we interviewed three students and a faculty member at the University of Mary Washington.

Gracie Bauman, Junior, Sociology major in the College of Education

Stella Pallasch, Junior, Studio Art major

Joey Welch, Sophomore, History major in the College of Education

Our communities have splintered because we can't walk anywhere.

How do we connect as a people if we can’t get to one another?

James M. Pryor

The day I decide to take my walk is sunny. It was cool in the morning, but by 11am the sun has broken through and started to singe the side of my face. I look to my left – into the sun – and try to peer through to see if there’s any cars coming. To my right the cars have stopped for the light but there’s no crosswalk to guide me, no pedestrian symbol to give me the go ahead. There’s no break in this four-way intersection to give me a chance to hop from one strip mall to the another. The traffic from the left stops and I take my first step into the street as a car tries to turn right on red, and we are faced with each other. Thankfully, they don’t honk. They let me go, but after I’ve cleared out of the way they speed off to show their displeasure.

There’s no sidewalk along Plank Road, also known as Route 3, pone of the busiest streets that passes through Fredericksburg, Va. There are forced, rough paths through dying grass that pedestrians have created themselves by cutting through. Historic Fredericksburg is beautiful for walking pedestrians, and a work in progress for those using accessibility aids such as wheelchairs or scooters, but once outside that central area, pedestrians face being ignore for the sake of cars and trucks, not allowed to live in the same space. I believe Fredericksburg is one of the most dangerous places to be a pedestrian. 

Johnathan stalls, a 39-year-old Denverite addresses this problem within his own city by going out into the thick of it, recording dangerous walks he takes along arterial roads – a major road made for heavy vehicle traffic – while filming the conditions to post on his TikTok account, where has 75.1K followers and over 1M likes across the board. It’s also created change in Denver. Stalls encourages his followers to do the same to bring attention to their local officials about the state that the U.S is in with regards to walkability, and so did I.

It’s not just a question of “how do we fix it?” but also “how did we get here?” Technological advancements in the automobile industry are what brought us to this point. General Motors paved the way, literally. For us as a society to rely heavily on cars. Public transport budget’s get cut, and only the wealthy get to experience the so-called solution of self-driving cars. However, we have also advanced to the point of being able to take photos and video at almost every second of the day. We must come together virtual and physically to make more of Fredericksburg walkable, not just for those who can afford to stay downtown, but those further out, pushed to the edges.

As time has gone on, we all have become more spread out, more isolated and made to be wary of our own community members. Shopping centers with no place to rest or for children to play send the message of “drive here, buy what you need, and leave.” This has been so programmed into towns that are reliant on cars to get around that any sign of someone “loitering” raises questions. What kind of country can be called free when you must pay just to exist in the same space as a business? Where did our dignity as humans go and when did we become only seen as consumers?

The City of Fredericksburg released a report in 2018 admitting that Fredericksburg is a car-oriented city, but it did not end with that statement. It seems bleak, the number of cars pedestrians face and how our architecture seems structure based around vehicles, but brighter days are coming.

The city spent 475 days to tear down and rebuild the route 3 bridge that connects historic Fredericksburg to Stafford County, reaching across the Rappahannock river. The Virginia Department of Transportation, commonly referred to as VDOT, took over the construction. The original bridge was built in 1941, and after almost 80 years, it got a few deserved updates. The $23.4 million project allowed for a smooth, almost so bright white it was blinding, concrete surface to be built upon new steel bridge girders. More on the engineering side, the previous weight limit was 15 tons, but now the bridge can hold anything of legal vehicle load weight, including heavy-weight emergency response vehicles. No corners were cut on the sturdiness of the project, and like a breath of fresh air, the added cyclist/pedestrian walkway was also treated with care. This is the beginning of respect being return to the people. Rather than being seen as obstacles, or simply objects, to a busy road, we can exist together on the same level of dignity.

 

In the middle of the pedestrian walkway on the bridge there is a scenic overlook. Tourists and locals alike can stop and look out over the Rappahannock and take in the scenery that once could only be seen by people passing in their cars. And more often than not, when you’re going anywhere between 35-50mph across a slim bridge, your eyes are not appreciating the scenery like someone who was walking could.

 

We all start somewhere, and in Fredericksburg we need to push for documentation. Gathering proof to show the reality of our situation, that this town has been expanded around cars. I’ve made it across Plank Road into the shopping center across from my apartment complex when I hear a honk behind me. Someone trying to turn into the center squeals their tires as they race past me, not even giving me a moment to react to the loud noise. I feel embarrassed and singled out solely for being on two feet instead of in a car. I’m in almost empty parking lot, trying to keep an eye out for oncoming cars that could come from any direction with the lack of safety barricades in place. My destination is Cook Out, one of few fast food restaurants that offers an outdoor, walk-up to order area. While a handful of cars are in the drive thru, I’m able to approach the walk-up window.

“I never thought about it,” said Natalie Banks, the only other person standing at the window with me. “My boyfriend drops me off at work and I walk here for lunch… it’s hard to get across without pissing someone off.”

Banks orders a chicken tender tray with hushpuppies and a strawberry milkshake to sustain her for the rest of her shift at the hardware store back across the street. I order a Huge Tea™, a Cook Out specialty that’ll last me awhile while I walk from location to location. Many of the people I attempt to approach refuse to meet my eyes and keep walking, or politely decline my request to ask them a few questions. Everyone is scurrying in and out of these crumbling concrete buildings, afraid of each other. It shows how fractured our community has become, how terrified we become when we assume humans are naturally evil.

The lack of walkability is what causes this distance from the others within our communities. I feel it was only encouraged by the Stranger Danger and War on Drugs Reagan era. I rarely speak to my neighbors, being told since a child to never speak with strangers, never trust them, to always demonize someone who seems to be “acting out of place.” But have you ever been the person acting out of place? Those experiencing panic attacks or uncomfortable side effects from drugs are stared down in our flat concrete world, nowhere for them to seek shelter. They’re called addicts and freaks and cast aside within our communities, but never do we stop and think how easily a “normal” life could be turned upside down. Some are not legally allowed to drive, some cannot physically drive, and some simply do not want to. Why do we care more about automobiles than these people in our communities?

Britney Spears Doesn't Need Us to Save Her

Stop trying to take her spotlight and leave her alone

By Callie Jordan

Full of emotion and nerves, Britney, shaking, began her first public testimony in 13 years in court. Trying to keep composure by speaking fast to avoid a meltdown, the court transcriber asked Spears to slow down three times as she opened up about what she had been through and shared her truth, listing off her demands while boldly speaking in front of her abusers.

“I just want my life back, it’s been 13 years, and it’s enough,” she said.

The court responded by eliminating her father’s influence while the conservatorship remains intact. So, although her father will no longer manage her affairs, an independent party will step into the role, taking his place for the time being.

Although Britney was scared of the backlash and potentially unfavorable outcomes that could damage her personal and professional life, she knew that she had to advocate for herself, even if it also meant she was vulnerably exposed. In the face of these challenges, nonetheless, she remained firm.

At this moment, I felt empowered alongside her. I never paid much attention to her fame before or considered myself an avid fan because I assumed she was just like every other elite, out-of-touch celebrity. And yet: I was relieved she was on the right track to making her own life choices and not being controlled by others. She was finally safe from harm and exploitation, and I was happy for her.

To me, Britney always seemed too calculatingly perfect. She was sexy and innocent at the same time fulfilling and catering to the virgin-whore dichotomy fantasy of every man’s desires. Her seemingly unthreatening demeanor was the opposite of a feminist killjoy. The way she presented herself in some ways made me feel controlled, muzzled and trapped by the male gaze.

I felt like I was breaking out of her shackles with her because it was larger than the conservatorship. It was really about dismantling how women are fundamentally conceptualized and torn apart by sexualization and objectification.

Britney Spears is known for her famous Catholic school-girl uniform featuring a cropped white collared down blouse tied suggestively at the belly button to meet a black pleated mini skirt and long, knee-high socks. Her hair is styled in two girlish, loose pigtails tied off with pink ribbon and furry scrunchies. Looking at the camera and singing along, her toned body and ripped abs move in sync to the trendy, upbeat pop lyrics of her most famous single, “Hit Me Baby One More Time”.

In the early 2000s, Spears enjoyed the life of Hollywood luxury. She befriended the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan and sat between them in limo rides on the way to the hottest, exclusive clubs and parties, where she met other Hollywood elites like former boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. Paparazzi captured their dramatic entrances and outlandish, sometimes coordinated outfits.

Teen girls spent their allowances purchasing Britney CDs and blasting her music on their boom boxes at home. Their childhood bedrooms were decorated and lined with images and pictures of their favorite pop star. Every birthday and holiday, they begged for Britney concert tickets to see their idol in person.

At the beginning of her career, Britney seemed hot, rich, and talented. When she hung out with other celebrities, she appeared to be the older, fun, carefree, popular, party girl that I wanted to be. Even though her world was very different and separate from my reality, I imagined that in another life, we could have been friends. Nonetheless, I only knew a few songs off the Circus album because I liked the newer pop stars’ music like Katy Perry more.

When I found out that she was a victim, I was surprised because I was shocked that a woman as powerful as her could be taken advantage of more than the ways that all women are. I guess I figured that her status and wealth transformed her into a super-woman, unlike other women, shielding her against exploitation.

Instead, when socializing with friends, her father enforced curfew and imposed consequences for friends' non-compliance, legal kidnapping. Upon arrival at her Beverly Hills mansion, Spears was greeted at the gate with court-appointed security guards and policemen to escort her into her own home.

On little pieces of paper, she wrote letters in response to media stories covering her divorce and custody battle, handing them off to trusted confidants in private. Friends and loved ones arranged covert meetings in public places like bathroom stalls, slipping new legal forms across the floor awaiting her signature to establish her capacity for legal representation.

On special occasions, personal protection detail and trusted family friends would pack into a van with tinted windows and drive Spears unknowingly to secret, undisclosed locations. Parked at the end of the street sat her car, and under supervision, Britney drove up and down the road.

Britney regularly submitted requests for allowances, spending money only on authorized purchases, awaiting permission for approved outings, and complying with regular unconsented psychological evaluations and drug testing.

Being drugged with high-powered stimulants in combination with lithium, to ensure her cooperation on a daily basis, she worked 12 hours a day for 7 days a week in untrackable, off the grid studio locations making money to pay and fund her abusers' and line pockets of those working under her. Failure to meet these requirements prevented her from weekend visitation with her partner and children. In this way, Britney seemed to perpetuate the harms of toxic patriarchy, bowing to the whims and impulses of powerful men.

Now grown, her two teenage sons defended their mother against their grandfather to culminate into a broken-down door and a fistfight. The boys’ father and Spear’s ex-husband filed a restraining order against Spear’s father for putting the children and his ex-partner’s safety at risk.

Loyal, dedicated fans and supporters collected clues from Spear’s oftentimes cryptic and infrequent social media posts and presence and developed plans to help save and protect her. At regularly scheduled court check-ins, they would rally behind her in protest, defiantly waving #FreeBritney signs and posters. They cheered in celebration when suspicions about her father were confirmed because they knew all along Britney was in trouble and needed their help.

This act of women coming together to support women was moving to watch. In some ways, I feel like I’ve been in a society that wanted me to be like Britney, against my will, so when she was liberated, I, by extension, was too. As a survivor of sexual assault myself, I understand what it’s like to be victimized, and her story spoke to me even more. With this shared commonality in mind, I wanted to hear more from her and started to listen to and appreciate her music in a new light.

But then, as I started seeing movies, podcasts, and blogs about Britney, I noticed something. Ex-managers, journalists, photographers, backup dancers, and various members of her medical team often participated in documentaries and contributed to articles and books written about Spear’s life, where she is not present. She was still not telling her own story.

In Netflix’s Britney Vs. Spears, dramatic, pensive music, and a collage of childhood pictures frame a viewing screen of a little girl pictured between her parents. As she gets older, the images change to an older version of the child, oftentimes putting on dancing and singing shows and performing for small crowds and audiences. The final pixels align to form 16-year-old Britney at the start of her career.

I imagine at first watch, Britney scratched her head, confused about the irregularities and falsities. I can envision her crying, hiding under the covers in bed, and refusing to leave the house because of how embarrassing the coverage might have been. 

Britney doesn’t appreciate public interventions and interjections to save her and prop her up to be a cautionary tale of toxic conservatorships. She never wanted to be represented as a poster child for conservatorship awareness.

I felt embarrassed. I felt like I was part of the problem.

While I’ve grown into adulthood and somewhat freed myself to be my own person, as Britney has, I’m still figuring things out. I realize now that it takes space to grow and have your own sense of yourself, which means telling your own story.

Framing Britney in a disempowered way takes this epistemic privilege away from her and only serves to perpetuate further victimization. If I am honest with myself, it’s easy to do, but it’s self-serving for the benefit of my own needs. When I get to control Britney’s narrative, I feel more connected to her by trauma bonding. Even if I tell myself that this is the right way to think about it because she clearly has been wronged and deserves justice, it doesn’t support either of our healing processes and journeys.

If I instead imagine Britney’s story how she would want it, I can see her as an anonymous woman placing her order for coffee and a croissant with the barista. Dumping the contents of her giant purse out at the counter, searching for the credit card, she holds up the line. Then, she absentmindedly scrolls through her Instagram feed liking the dance video reels that pop up. Coffee in hand, she jingles a busy keychain and disappears into the crowded parking lot, pressing the buttons furiously listening for the beep.

Sitting in traffic, she takes turns sipping and hitting replay on a song she likes. Her speed matches the rhythm of the song, and a little bit of hot coffee drips down the sides of the cup onto her pants, seeping into the car seats.

When she unlocks the front door, her dogs race in mad circles, jumping up and down to greet her. She hurriedly tosses her stuff on the cluttered kitchen table and opens her arms to be embraced with wet slobbering licks and kisses. The large, excited dogs run straight into her arms, knocking her off balance. Leftover coffee contents spill onto the floor to be lapped up later.

Finally, she slips off her tennis shoes and begins to sprawl out across a hot pink yoga mat lining the spacious and otherwise cold hardwood floors. One leg is tucked, resting against her inner thigh, while the other lies outstretched before her. She begins to bend forward and feels an intense pull radiating from her hamstrings. Then she sits upright, legs together criss-cross, and starts to flap her thighs as butterflies. She pulls one forearm, opposite, across the width of her body, holding her free arm at the wrist. Suddenly, pulsating, upbeat music vibrates and shakes the house.

On her feet, she twirls and completes a perfect pierrette, smiling through the sweat. Twisting her torso and rolling her body, the music comes over her, and her arms are raised in surrender.

To Work or Not to Work

I became a part of the coffee shop crowd—only to discover that my role in the scene contradicts a scientific trend of productivity

By Jean Mondoro

Halfway through the semester and overwhelmed with work, I decide to go downtown to Agora.  My usual workspace is at home or in an empty room on campus, but I need a change of scenery.  I order a cup of Earl Grey tea, choose a seat in the middle of the shop, and pull out my laptop.  Then, I proceed to look around and not make much progress at all.  Everything around me steals my attention from my writing.

Worn wooden floors creek with the movement of customers.  A bell sings, announcing each guest.  Music with a harmonica plays softly overhead as people sit silently with laptops or converse with one another.  The back door slams shut as some venture outdoors to enjoy the seating in the cool autumn air.  Brightly colored walls echo the friendly and welcoming environment of Agora.  The back room is a magnet for those striving to be productive, although a chess set occupies one table, indicating that perhaps work can wait a game or two.  That part of the shop intrigued me, but there wasn’t room for me back there this time.

It turned out that many of the people were equally distracted by the scenery. Of the 10 to 20 people in the coffee shop, two maintain focus on their work.  One appears to be on a call, pencil and paper in hand, taking notes.  Another, presumably a student, is fixed to her work on her laptop.  But the shop is small, and the tables are close together.  Two others are seated at the chess table, laughing and joking.  An elderly couple sits quietly with one another, and are joined later by a second couple, all of whom carry on in relaxing fellowship.  

I look around Agora and feel mostly satisfaction, but also a bit of uneasiness.  While this environment is peaceful and appealing, there is a sense that I do not belong here creeping in the back of my mind.  All around me are people who are here with the purpose to work and seem to be succeeding.  I, too, came here with the intention of being productive.  But I have yet to accomplish this goal.  

Snippets of conversations interrupt the words I am trying to write, and I end up focusing more on the sounds around me than the work in front of me.  Other customers who push their way through the front door take their time while ordering to converse with the employees.  Everyone I see has their phones readily available, almost waiting for an excuse to turn away from their work.  Witnessing more and more distractions, I begin to believe that all of us are here in Agora to pull out our laptops but not to actually be productive.

Glancing behind me in the back room, I saw the student again.  Her screen is propped on her lap, and she is holding a hot drink in her right hand.  Although her eyes never leave her laptop, I can’t say for sure if she is actually doing work.  Perhaps it’s her email or Instagram page that’s open in front of her.  Or maybe she is playing the latest popular online game.  She could be just like me, keeping her fingers ready but not doing the work which she appears to be doing.

Coffee shops like Agora have always seemed to hold this reputation of being the perfect place for productivity.  According to an article from 2020 in Coffee or Die Magazine, the coffee shop culture reaches back to 17th century Europe.  These settings were popular among the working class as they provided affordable refreshment and a place to share ideas freely.  By the 1900s, coffee shops housed discussions ranging from art and music to philosophy and politics.  Today, they are utilized primarily as a grab-and-go or a designated location for productivity.  The modern phenomenon of people being able to work in a noisy and busy environment has even gained the attention of scientific research.

Based on a study completed in recent years by Onno van der Groen, a neuropsychology researcher, the “coffee house effect” has been proven true.  This is the apparent reality that one focuses better and is more productive in the setting of a public coffee shop rather than an office or home.  His work shows that background noise plays a critical role in one’s productivity, and that is a defining characteristic of the coffee shop setting.

For years, society has seen this trend of working in coffee shops.  Some mock it while others embrace it.  Research like that of van der Groen’s even supports the concept scientifically.  If it’s true that the people around me--even the student I suspect of scanning Instagram--are genuinely being productive, then perhaps I don’t fit into this intriguing coffee shop setting as well as I thought.  

I survey the room once again.  A man has come in and settled down with his coffee and computer at a desk, tucked away between two walls, resembling a cubicle.  Another woman enters the shop, orders at the front counter, and walks out the back door to the patio, a backpack of work slung over her shoulder.  I am still gazing in awe at the scene around me.  The desire to be one of them resonated more powerfully in my mind.

I have always loved the idea of working in a coffee shop.  Now, minutes away from downtown Fredericksburg, I have that opportunity.  But when I am here to be productive, I usually am not.  I just can’t stop scanning the room--reading every poster on the bulletin board, wondering about every sentence I catch from random conversations.  I don’t know how anyone could focus.

As my eyes continue to gaze about me and my mind never stops spinning, I begin to feel that I don’t belong here.  Those around me are apparently focused on their work, and scientific research has proven the positive impact of a coffee shop environment for productivity.  Yet here I am, not being productive but still wanting to be in this place, with these people, as a member of this coffee shop crowd.  Maybe I am the only one here for the experience rather than the productivity.  I feel awkward and out of place.

But then I thought, what’s so wrong with being part of this crowd for the sake of being there, rather than to be productive?  I may not be writing while I’m sitting there, but I’m enjoying a good cup of tea and being a part of a scene which could easily provide inspiration for later productivity.  Coming to a coffee shop for a change of scenery and a chance to take a break from the pressure of work is sometimes the key to being productive later on.  Some go to coffee shops to get things done, and others go to enjoy the environment.  I shouldn’t feel out of place simply because my purpose in that setting differs from those around me.

Settling down in an armchair at the back of the shop, I hold my cup of tea in my hands and survey Agora.  John Denver’s voice sings “Leaving On a Jet Plane” gently overhead.  Two women and a baby are walking away from the community table as I enter.  A billboard next to the doorway is covered in advertisements of Fredericksburg events and businesses.  I hear a man on a business call and watch as two customers come in and out with backpacks, preparing for some effective work.  Many of those who frequent Agora with me are here to be productive, and are often successful in that mission.  Although I am not one of them, I am perfectly content to sit here with my Earl Grey tea and enjoy being a part of the scene.

I lost a connection with my family but learned much more about myself in the process.

Beef Stroggy tonight?

“Beef Stroggy” is a nickname my friends have given my poor-man’s beef stroganoff. It uses ground beef rather than steak and is served over egg noodles. Because of how easy it is to make and how filling it is (not to mention how many leftovers you get out of it), it quickly became a go-to for our friend group. I often made it on request and would enjoy sitting down with whatever roommate(s) I had to eat together. Eating it warm felt like taking a nap together while wide awake.

But this time, I hesitated as I looked at the message from a friend on my phone. That sounded good for dinner, I had most of the ingredients, and was in the mood to cook, but my conflict arose elsewhere. Earlier in the summer, I had been diagnosed with a gallbladder issue. The doctor said I needed to stop eating red meat, my body couldn’t process the amount of fat right and would cause my gallbladder to constrict in on itself. It was a small change on paper, but it changed my lifelong approach to food.

You see: both my parents are from Texas. Fun Fact: Texas has the most beef cows of any state in the U.S. As a family we grew up on steak and ground beef. It was a hard staple in my diet for my entire life. But the thing is, not eating it did immediately make me feel better. Not only did my gallbladder seem to be working again, but alongside that my mood improved, and I didn’t feel so fatigued. What wasn’t working was my mindset. Who even was I without beef? Who would I be within my friend group if I couldn’t make Beef Stroggy for dinner?


Beef connects me to my direct family, my parents and two brothers who all live a handful of states away. They are all in Texas, and in my mind sitting around a table eating steak and potatoes, while I am in Virginia, eating chicken. It is not a strange feeling to be distant from them, I always have been, but we always had food to connect us at the end of the day. It was very important in my household to have dinner as a family, all having the same thing. Now I’ll be getting a different plate.

Not eating red meat makes me see myself as less tough in a way. But not eating beef is the only thing that’s changed. I know way too much about cars and traffic patterns, sometimes pulling up the GPS on my phone to watch traffic on 95, and my roommate recently called me a “jock” in an offhand way, for my interest in football and other sports. Those are two things that should add to my subconscious “manliness,” but the lack of beef seems to nullify that.

I felt like a real traitor, however, when I finally tried fake red meat. I had never considered it before; I had a mild curiosity when the product first came out but had never felt a strong enough urge to answer the question myself. My girlfriend has a frozen block of Beyond Beef sitting in their freezer, but every time we remember it, it’s too late to try and dethaw it in time. I believed it was as good as people said. In other words, I thought it was probably terrible. But soon I discovered that was probably a false impression.

In a New York Time’s articles by Anahad O’Connor, he starts with “The meat industry has a warning for consumers: Beware of plant-based meat.” He goes on: “The new “disinformation” campaign, they say, is a sign that Impossible Foods’ mission – to disrupt the meat industry and replace animals in the food system – is working.” What I interpreted was that anything the meat industry was against had to be good, in the same vein that if an oil company tried to convince me that public transport was somehow worse in comparison to individual cars.

I tried Beyond Beef first, finally dethawing the rock-hard cube from my girlfriend’s freezer. We made our own hamburger patties, mixing the “meat” with an array of spices, breadcrumbs, and an egg. It cooked similar, though I felt it was more wet than what I would have expected from authentic beef. It may have been from using my girlfriend’s very fast heating stovetop rather than my own, but I found the patties got a crisp to them sooner. The taste was like beef, though the familiar spices helped with the correlation. I’m unsure if it was my mind that caused me to feel it was different or the actual taste itself, but after five hours I wasn’t lying on the couch in pain. Instead, I was in a food coma from a burger that was probably too big, and that by my standards was a win. I had a similar experience with other fake meats.

After that first taste test, it occurred to me that there wasn’t anything sacrilegious about it at all. Yes, I was losing this connection with my family, but that didn’t matter. I was living on my own, separated from them. I felt I had to prove something by eating beef, like it validated my existence as a “strong” person. But the people I felt I needed to prove this to were no longer physically seeing me eat. I wasn’t being observed anymore.


I have told my parents about my food restrictions. But I have yet to tell my parents about trying fake beef. Not because it feels blasphemous, but because I do not need to be the same as them to validate my place within the family. Growing up in our home with the Texas flag presented on throw pillows and framed pictures and wood cut outs of the shape of the state on our walls for decoration, I would often smell my mother making steak for dinner, the sound of the beef sizzling in the pan not far behind. Soon she would ask me to set the table and I’d put out red and white napkins that pay homage to Texas Tech University, where both my parents and one of my brothers graduated from. I’d fill up water glasses and set out silverware and soon we’d all sit and eat steak, potatoes, and broccoli. But that was then, and this is now. I will make my chicken breast for dinner and enjoy it without feeling that I am betraying some part of me.

Becoming A Bartender To Get Over My Fear Of Straight Men

No longer wanting to be awkward around straight men, I took my fear straight on and became a bartender.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous clocking in on my first day as a bartender. I had been 21 for less than a year and knew virtually nothing about alcohol beyond keg beer and jungle juice. Regardless, the job opportunity had presented itself and I needed to pay rent, so I took the position despite my concerns. However, worrying about identifying different liquors would not be the biggest thing I would have to conquer. It was having to talk to straight men

At first, my focus at the job was on avoiding mistakes. I fixed my position on the quiet side of the bar, opposite from where my guests had seated themselves throughout the evening. I figured the anxiety of potentially getting an order wrong paired with having in-depth conversations with customers would all be too much for someone just starting. Of course, I greeted everyone who came warmly and was attentive to any needs they might have had but made sure to keep my visits to the busy end of the bar as limited as they could be until I was more comfortable.

The only interaction I had with most of the men was when they would applaud me for being tall enough to reach bottles from the top shelf. I was content with this and would have been more than happy to maintain my role as the tall guy, but I would soon be confronted with my worst fear; a bourbon enthusiast. My plan of avoiding people was over, and I was swimming in the deep end.

It did not help that when he asked me for a glass of a specific bourbon, I could not even locate where they were on the shelf. With the unexpected help of this stranger, I was able to quickly retrieve it and get to work on preparing his pour. Thankfully, this mistake allowed me to joke about my fresh start in the world of bartending. With this came a casual conversation that led to us discussing his failed request for a promotion at his workplace.  

His visit was short-lived, but we were sure to exchange our names, and he said he’d see me next week.  I kept it short, but was sure to try and remember his name for our inevitable next meeting. 

From a young age, boys have learned from their peers that they will become guilty by association, so as a defense measure, they will avoid anyone they believe to be gay. I’ve noticed that for some, this way of thinking never changes. As a result, whenever I am in a one-on-one conversation with a seemingly straight man, neither one of us knows what to talk about. I had grown tired of this monotonous routine and planned to challenge it directly. 

In my bartender position, I aimed to push myself beyond what makes me uncomfortable. Making drinks for people would allow me to get past my anxiety about discussing things beyond the weather. Not only would it impact the way I interacted with men, but with everyone in general. I would soon view the bar top as an intersection to overcome preconceived ideas shared by both parties before sharing a conversation over a drink. 

But at first, I was still timit - rightfully so. Early on, I had overheard a few of my coworkers talking about how trucks sometimes drive by, and the drivers scream derogatory terms to the other gay servers working at the restaurant. As you could probably assume, this did not help my case. My nerves were already sitting at the back of my throat, and hearing some of their stories did not help wash them back down.

Baby steps were on constant repeat throughout my first couple of weeks in my new position. Slowly, I had gotten comfortable with the majority of the women and the younger audience would frequent the restaurant. This was not particularly surprising, as I have always found it easy to talk about things with women specifically. One time, I spent the better half of an hour talking with an older woman about how she hides out during halloween, because it’s all too much of a ruckus. 

Bourbon guy returned. I had started off on the wrong footing after mistaking his name for something else. Making sure my faulty greeting did not taint the experience, I asked him about how work has been treating him, and began to prepare a pour of the bourbon he had asked for during his previous visit. 

Soon, I was not only conversing with him but was juggling a handful of conversations throughout the evening as well. This included talking with a mother about her deployed son who she was missing dearly, sharing a couple jokes with the younger crowd and pretending like I couldn’t hear the argument of an older couple at the end of the bar. I felt myself opening up to these people with each garnished drink I delivered to their seats. 

Of course, I have had my run-ins with awkward or entitled people, as does anyone who works a customer service job. Thankfully, the majority of them were easy to talk to, and if I were lucky, already a couple of drinks deep. Although draining at times, I proudly sat within my newfound ability to converse with any and everyone. 

After a couple of months working as a bartender and a ton of reflection on my role, I have come to some conclusions. My anxiety was rooted in things like remembering a name or getting a drink made just right for my guests. I grew to realize that none of these problems had to do with my perceived sexuality. Once I was able to get this out of the way, my overarching perfectionism took a backseat as I no longer felt an immense amount of pressure to deliver.  

Of course, I had all the reason in the world to have the fears that I did around sexuality too, but slowly I began to realize the role I had played in creating this. I had believed for so long that a straight guy would not want to converse with me, so when the time would come that I did, I would make it awkward. 

Moving forward, I will continue to be prepared for the time to come when someone expresses their opinion on my “lifestyle choices,” but until then, I will no longer allow it to interfere with a potentially pleasant interaction, experiences that not only benefit me but will hopefully do the same for my customers as well. Not everyone has a problem with how I live, but just want a drink and someone who will listen to them.

Bourbon guy continued to come in for the remainder of my time working at the bar. We continued our normal conversations about his work and how school was going for me. He became a regular amongst me and my fellow bartenders who was welcomed with a hello from everyone on the floor when he would arrive. After ending my time at the restaurant, I was more sad about leaving my customers that I had grown to enjoy. Customers, who were once the reason why I didn’t want to show up, were now the reason why I wanted to stick around.